Singapore still far behind in true gender equality
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I wonder why no inputs from the husbands in this forum ?
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tamarind:
I wonder why no inputs from the husbands in this forum ?
sashimi will say that it's cos he pengsan already from earning money to support us and he prefers to spend time with his DDs.
nope, we won't be having another one, even if you can guarantee it'll be another girl. i don't think sashimi can handle the stress of supporting another child when i remain a SAHM. also, i hate taking care of 2 babies at the same time so if i have to wait 6-7 years again to have no. 3, my body cannot tahan all the stress all over again. :faint: -
schellen:
schellen,tamarind:
I wonder why no inputs from the husbands in this forum ?
sashimi will say that it's cos he pengsan already from earning money to support us and he prefers to spend time with his DDs.
nope, we won't be having another one, even if you can guarantee it'll be another girl. i don't think sashimi can handle the stress of supporting another child when i remain a SAHM. also, i hate taking care of 2 babies at the same time so if i have to wait 6-7 years again to have no. 3, my body cannot tahan all the stress all over again. :faint:
I think you have described the problems that many couples are facing. Even if the hubby is very helpful, both hubby and wife still have to go through a lot of stress and hardship taking care of kids.
Actually if we can continue to earn our current salary, but live in China, then we will be able to afford one nanny for each child ! My neighbour from mainland China said that she can employ a maid for RMB 300 a month in China to take care of her baby, so she sent her baby to China (to live with grandparents) and brought him back to Singapore when he was 3 years old. If we can get good maids at that kind of salary, I wonder if couples will want to have more kids ?
May be we can all send our babies to nannies in China, and bring them back when they are 4 years old. Then they will sure excel in their Chinese Just a wild idea.
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tamarind:
Dear all, what are your views of the above article ?
Somewhat biased cos it doesn't really reflect on all companies or
organisations in fair view, neither it is just about equal parenting
roles or the what nots. The decision to have more babies/children
stem from so many factors depending on each individual family &
honestly no report can blanket sweep a few statements to justify
that.
One that truly matters, is money. In the government's drive to make
Singapore a first world country... we are being made to pay the price
of living in this first world country, where money is never enough.
Everything from the conception point must have financial issues
factored in. It is hard for a family to have a baby when there is
no spare change. The bulk of our salaries upon pay day, is oredi
gone for all the bills... phone bills, mortgage, utility bills, sch fees,
enrichment fees, family maintenance, marketing & groceries, all
so many more depending again on each family's commitment...
While all the taxes are going up (to fit that 1st world dream), salaries
are either still at last recession's percentage cut or maintaining at the
snail's scale. Even the 20% employer CPF contribution is still not fully
restored till today. Where is that rainbow for us then; in that future
that has us at the top of the world status?
One who dares claim money isn't everything either has too much $ or
doesn't know how to spend it or one who has never been poor. No
matter what anyone says, money is still key factor in deciding the
baby idea. Parenting needs can still be worked out with alternernative
options but without $ the stress of sustaining a family will fall hard and
suppress the happiness of having children. Having said that, the comfort
level of what's enough is again subjective to individual families.
I have seen underprivileged families and dysfunctional families having a
brood of 6 with zero parental support, almost no income and let's not
even go into the schooling part of it..... the children have barely nothing
to eat every day, lives off whatever welfare and hand outs, children are
wandering all over the place learning to be street smart and learning all
the survival skills all on their own... These are irresponsible parents who
know they cannot raise children and cannot afford to even have children,
but yet they have no qualms in having one a yr! These children have to
live a life of extreme poverty in rented rooms and learn to fend for
themselves.
We are considered fortunate to have 3-5 meals a day, our children can
attend good kindies, we are involved parents and we care enough to want
to raise our children well... hence without first having $, how are we
supposed to even comprehend the idea of having children? We work so hard
to ensure things are enough if not more, and then at least we can still have
that happy end of the day to spend with our children.tamarind:
My dad and my husband fits the above roles. :love:Just curious, how many fathers here actively help out with house work, caring for kids, teaching kids, etc ?
Housework 100%. Automatic... Willing... Selfless...
Caring for kids 75%... due to work schedule.
Teaching kids 75%... due to work schedule.
Does grocery shopping, marketing including cleaning up the meats like
fish, prawns, crabs, chicken before packing them into the freezer... takes
care of living parents and siblings, brings children out for family time like
swimming, movies, holidays, playgrounds, beach trips & more.
Even throws in couple time to unwind, the occasional massages and feet
press-es too. :love:
Yes. All the above (in fact... more) on top of working full time.
Takes extra days leave from what's given for pathetic paternity
leave.. company gives day off or few hours off for daddies to be
there for children's first day off school. Company allows for urgent
leave to care for sick children or wife. Company organises family day
and family get togethers so that spouses can get to know other
colleagues and bosses. Spouses get to understand work commitments.
Never had a confinement person around. Only massage ladies at most
for a week or so. The rest we DIY together. Private limited. No maid till
today. Still surviving...
*pant* and still preparing to see through
that rainbow not from any world class country acknowledgment but from
sheer hard work and for the love of the family.
With our coming baby #3, we know we have to work even harder to see
to it to the end of that rainbow... and not to mention, starting all over
again...... but with enough love for the family, we'll know it's
worth it. -
well, i’ll like to say i’m also helping to care for kids, but of course i pale in comparison to DW.
i’ll send DS to childcare everyday en-route to work. if i go home early, i’ll bathe DS if he’s too lazy to bathe himself (we’re just starting to make him do that). DD has been bathing herself already, but i’ll bathe her after she has a hair-cut, or if she’s ill. All these after dinner, which DW will take care of.
after dinner, DW will supervise DD with her homework. now we’re getting DS to do some too, and I’ll have to engage him to avoid him going to DW and DD to distract them.
DW will bring DS home and I’ll get DD to go to bed at my parents’ place.
DW fetches both home btw, and since she goes back earlier than i do, she’ll do the laundry too.
on weekends, DW supervise their homework much more, and i’ll provide ferry service to kids and my mum if necessary.
as for housework, i’ll help out with laundry if DW is busy, but she does the bulk of it, including ironing, herself. i take care of the occasional fault/repair in the house.
when kids were younger, i would help to change diapers and bath too, but could only help with feeding when they changed to formula.
oh, when wife travels (occasionally) for work, then i will have to do her share too - except make do with regards to the housework part… -
May 26, 2010
LOW BIRTH RATE
A nation of spoilt princesses?
THE Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) seemed to suggest last Thursday (‘Singapore still far behind in true gender equality: Aware’) that women are free from blame for the declining birth rate in Singapore.
In Singapore, most parents urge their children to excel in studies and focus on their career. Few prepare their children for the rigours of parenthood.
Many households also employ maids. As a result, our boys and girls grow up lacking parenting skills and are clueless about household chores. The boys, however, have responsibilities forced upon them in the form of national service. Not so the girls. They are free to place personal ambition above all else.
Many women choose to remain single because they do not see the need or the urgency to get married. They do not need a man to provide for them and they can always depend on their girlfriends for emotional support. As for sex, few see the need to have it regularly.
Even when a woman does want to get married, her expectations get in the way. The man must be her ‘type’. He must have a great job, good income, be reasonably good-looking and he must also charm her off her feet before she will contemplate marriage.
Our society glorifies the career woman. Lifestyle and fashion magazines devote pages to tips for the career woman to get ahead. Floors in shopping malls cater exclusively to the needs of these women and credit card and insurance companies vie for their money.
As a result, women are spoilt for choice. Egged on by society, free from national service and reservist obligations and not needing a man, they are totally free to focus exclusively on their careers. Choosing to get married and have children is committing career suicide.
The conclusion is inevitable. We have raised a nation of ‘spoilt princesses’ unwilling and unable to handle the rigours of motherhood.
Sulthan Niaz
Taken from ST Forum. -
buds,
This is the first time I heard that you are expecting baby #3. Congratulations !
You are one of those lucky mommies who have helpful hubbys.
[quote]One that truly matters, is money. [/quote]I agree with you that money is the most important factor. This applies to most families in general.
I noticed that some of my colleagues who are earning a very high salary, chose to have only one or two kids. While I see poor families with 3 or more kids in my neighbourhood.
It seems to me that many women whose salary range is in the top 10%, want to enjoy all the luxuries of life, and refuse to have more kids, even though they can afford to have 4 or 5 kids.
Those who are underprivileged, probably do not have knowledge of birth control ?
It is clear that the government prefers women who are highly educated and highly paid to give birth to more kids. The sad truth is that they are not going to offer much help to poor families to have many kids, even though these parents may truly love to have kids. -
[quote]
The boys, however, have responsibilities forced upon them in the form of national service. Not so the girls. They are free to place personal ambition above all else. [/quote]I find it totally unfair to compare national service with childbirth. Having a child does not only mean carrying the baby for 9 months and painful delivery, it also means caring for the child until he is at least 18 years old. It is a lifelong commitment. National service is only for 2 years and according to my hubby, there is not much hardship at all.
What is wrong with girls placing personal ambition above all else ? In fact, both my mother and my mother-in-law said that I should put my job before my babies. Both of them had to depend on men financially and they hated it.
I think it is wrong to consider women who focus on their careers as spoilt princesses, many of these women work very hard. I have total respect for women who do not wish to have kids.
If the government wants to have more babies, then they must do more to provide full time working mommies with more help like childcare and maids. -
tamarind:
I wonder why no inputs from the husbands in this forum ?
DAD (me):
- 1st to wake up and prepare breakfast (drink + bread/biscuit/whatever)
- official driver for family
- all handiwork, eg, repairs, fix leaks, fix chokes, fix lights, kill lizards etc
- math and science tutor + art&craft
- cook (and wash all crockery used in process). Wife do after meals (depends)
- throw laundry into wash and hang/keep (shared)
- housework when PT maid not around (shared)
- supermarketing (can drive and carry more)
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I’m a lazy bum. That’s why too guilty to say anything.
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