Pls help! - My gal seems to have split personalities

[sashimi]

jenniferjoey:

they are never stupid, they are just talented in other subjects which we have not discover. ....

Absolutely agree on this one, and going to be a long-term mission. Welcome to KSP!

[anxiousmummy123]

hi,


Nw tat I've learnt to do things by myself(last time used to rely on maid alot), my maid felt threatened. Will be sending my 21mths boy to my gal's cc in Mar.(Last time have the concept of, since there's a maid at hm might as well send kids to kindergarten for 3hrs only when they're 3yo. Regret tat, as my maid cant discipline my gal & reverse way, its my gal who control the maid.) Unless there's an adult tat can coach or able to discipline & control the kids if not, it's still a better choice to put them in a cc. At least, kids will learnt to be mre systhematic & organised. Though my maid had been working with us since the born of my gal which is abt 5yrs +, she's getting more bo chap, attitude prob, lazy at times, kaypo and tends to be v forgetful. Nowadays I realised tat aft she had been scolded by me, she's bound to aggitate my gal. It's reali v tired to have to deal wif kids & maid at the same time esp when we're full time working mother. (Headache! Thought maid is suppose to somehow lighten our burdens or workloads???) Keeping my cool by just walking off nowadays if maid angered me lest it affect my mood when i deal wif my kids :stupid:

[schellen]

Maybe you should treat you maid the way you treat your DD? As in be more firm and set rules. Maybe your maid doesn’t know why she "deserves" this treatment lately. Tell her diplomatically and let her draw her own conclusions as to why she feels threatened lately. If she’s smart, she’ll shape up.

[anxiousmummy123]

schellen:

Maybe you should treat you maid the way you treat your DD? As in be more firm and set rules. Maybe your maid doesn't know why she \"deserves\" this treatment lately. Tell her diplomatically and let her draw her own conclusions as to why she feels threatened lately. If she's smart, she'll shape up.

I've always been v firm and set rules to my maid. I've also highlighted to her tat I'm v particular abt her attitude towards us & her wrk. Aft wrking with me for so long, she alr noe my style. Whenever she did smething wrg, I can be v fierce & scolded her but aft tat, I'll forget abt it. Whenever we go out, we normally bring her along and she have the same privileges as we treat her as 1 of our family alr. Be it holiday or dining she'll always tag along. If u're talking abt \"deserves\" this treatment lately, frankly speaking its more towards the interest of my kids & me as I used to depend alot on my maid. Eg of things tat I'm trying to do w/o maid's help: tying my gal's hair evy m'ng, chking her bag & revising her hmwrk with her, fetching my gal fm sch or sch bus dropping point, reading bks to them etc... it's more of the bonding I am refering to. Like yest, I bought sme stuff for my son as he'll be attending cc in Mar. Instead of asking maid to sew name tags on it, I do it on my own rather than getting her to do it then wrg I still gt to scold. I can see an improvement in my gal's behavior ever since tis bonding & quality time spent tis few days. Of cos sometimes we try to involve our son or go out as a family w/o the maid tagging along.(Used to be afraid tat maid mgt be sad if left out for outings) :stupid: Nw I m nt gg to tink so much for others, will put interest of my kids first. Even nowadays my maid do her wrk slowly like bo chap like tat, i cant bothered to nag or scold. I'll do it on my own if i can and it can be quite fun too as my gal helped to do it together wif me. (Another way of bonding) Once both my kids are in full day cc, the maid can go or stay. Tat wont be a threat to me alr and I'm surprised tat my kids behaved better w/o the maid presence. No wonder ppl always say tat kids wif maid at hm normally don't behave better than those w/o maid.

[jenniferjoey]

Alamak, anxious mummy123, I think you really can change or do without a maid, get a part-time cleaner to help you with housechores instead. If your maid work for you for so long, and now equivalent as part of your family and enjoy so much privileges, then she must also think for you and lighten your load.


Frankly speaking I agree with tat children with maid at home are tentatively spoilt or being abuse. We must set serious rules from the beginning to both children and maid.

For children : Our maid are here to help me to do housechores and accompany you to school but you are responsible to carry your own things unless they are too heavy and need help. She is not your slave, and you are not allow to command her but to ask politely when in need of her help. You are responsible to keep all your toys, stationery and tidy up your bed. (To train them to be responsible and when without a maid you won't suffer)

For maid : You are not allow to pamper the children with tibits, watching TV all day long, etc so that you can enjoy your time. (To prevent her to bring stranger into your house, your children can be bribe by the maid) You are to follow the schedule and menus that \"mdm\" prepare for you. Any misconducting acts or disobedient, we will deduct allowance from you. Eg 20-50 cents per misconduct.. Priviledge will only goes to you according to your attitudes and behaviours. Be persistant with your rules..

Make phone calls home regularly and at odd hours too to check on both.

Hope this works! :lol:

anxiousmummy123:

Whenever we go out, we normally bring her along and she have the same privileges as we treat her as 1 of our family alr. Be it holiday or dining she'll always tag along. If u're talking abt \"deserves\" this treatment lately, frankly speaking its more towards the interest of my kids & me as I used to depend alot on my maid. Eg of things tat I'm trying to do w/o maid's help: tying my gal's hair evy m'ng, chking her bag & revising her hmwrk with her, fetching my gal fm sch or sch bus dropping point, reading bks to them etc...

[anxiousmummy123]

Sarah78:

no one is perfect,, each child has his own different skills,talents, temperaments....you just have to accept what your child has..

spare time with your child and try to understand him...

you can actually design ur home to make it more suitable and comfortable for your kid ,,check it here http://ritchiecreative.sg.88db.com/
or wanting a better place for your family..u can check this as well http://propnexdesi.sg.88db.com/

*Kids are an extension of oneself and are God's gift*

Hey Sarah,

No advertising is allowed in this thread ya. Yr link is not relevant. Be careful being caught

[ChiefKiasu]

Sarah78:

no one is perfect,, each child has his own different skills,talents, temperaments....you just have to accept what your child has..

spare time with your child and try to understand him...

*Kids are an extension of oneself and are God's gift*

Sarah78, while it is our policy to allow the posting of external URLs if they are pertinent to the discussions, I find it difficult to accept that one must redesign one's home just so that one's children don't have \"split personalities\". I have identified and will be removing all your other posts in other threads that are irrelevant to the discussions. You are free to place your posts in the Trading Post Forum if you wish to publicise your URLs.

[lilfeets]

Hi


my humble contributions… I study psychology and even then, i would not be confident to say that you gal has issues. In stead of seeking advice from non-professionals like us, it would be better to seek professional expertise in getting teh correct evaluation of your child. Early detection can do wonders. You might want to see a professional child psychologist. Guessing abotu condition will not help.

Secondly, split personality is a sort of mental discorder. If you suspect this, you might want to seek IMH for an assessment.

Lastly, ADHD is a mendical condition whicvh may require medication. I think most singaporean use the term "hyperactive" too loosely to describe any child who may be more active than the average or has short attention span and is active.

Hope this helps.