All About Parenting Teenagers

[oh Siong]

Varry\" post_id=\"1989672\" time=\"1596683837\" user_id=\"177188:

Just wondering how to handle 'rebellious' stage? Any tips to share?

very broad question, but the generic answer i would suggest is

-remain unconditional in giving love/care/concern
-build trust , not doubts
-always be there when they fall and need support

[natgoh]

Hi all, does anyone of you have that same situation that you realized your 13 years old suddenly just "grow" from a child to a teenager? My DD in the beginning of the year is still sweet and happy and will share and play a lot with us but during CB period everything changes. She started to lose interest in lots of things that previously interest her. Her behavior and attitude changes too. She starts to share less and don’t like to go out anymore. She starts to get defensive and easily irritated towards us. Her behavior towards us has a 180 degree change but on "good" days, she is still the little child. Last time, she will hold my hands and walk close to me for hugs, these days she fold her arms and stand a distance. This really breaks my heart like I do not know her anymore. What can I do? Is it due to puberty?

[Nebbermind]

natgoh\" post_id=\"1993594\" time=\"1599098803\" user_id=\"40349:

Hi all, does anyone of you have that same situation that you realized your 13 years old suddenly just \"grow\" from a child to a teenager? My DD in the beginning of the year is still sweet and happy and will share and play a lot with us but during CB period everything changes. She started to lose interest in lots of things that previously interest her. Her behavior and attitude changes too. She starts to share less and don't like to go out anymore. She starts to get defensive and easily irritated towards us. Her behavior towards us has a 180 degree change but on \"good\" days, she is still the little child. Last time, she will hold my hands and walk close to me for hugs, these days she fold her arms and stand a distance. This really breaks my heart like I do not know her anymore. What can I do? Is it due to puberty?

Perhaps it's not her turning into a teen but too much parent interaction during the CB/WFH period.
It was reported that even relationships between adults are affected by the new norm because many could not balance the family and work needs at home.

[natgoh]

Do you have any suggestion that we can try to reverse this situation?

[oh Siong]

natgoh\" post_id=\"1993600\" time=\"1599101198\" user_id=\"40349:

Do you have any suggestion that we can try to reverse this situation?

i think, probably a few things happening to her now.
hormones changes are real (and scary)
Social environment of hers changed ( i assume 13, she entered secondary school)
from oldest in primary school, to youngest in secondary school, where all the seniors are mature, she has to be part of them... cannot be seen as too sticky towards parents.

all these are ways in which she is trying to figure out her identity (psychosocial stages)

also, like fellow forumers said -- CB period, perhaps had a little impact on everyone.......

another possibility

approach her on her good days, and just acknowledge that she has grown up, and maybe re-frame it in a way that

- to mummy, you are always a young DD, but i know u are growing, so sometimes mummy might easily still treat you like young girl, So, if there are things that you are able to carry out independently, do inform and remind me

share with her your growing days, maybe that can start some conversation

[Imp75]

Hi Natgoh

I read from your other sharing that she started wearing brace. This could possibly add to her frustration (mental and physical) as brace wearing does constrict a lot of activities including school-based ones. Try finding out the cause of her change in temperament is important and strike a balance between health and emotional needs.

[Nebbermind]

actually, as they grow older, they prefer to hang out with their friends than their parents…and they’ll prefer more personal space, which unfortunately, the CB kinda works in the opposite way.

The only way out is to change yourself and your expectation and acknowledge the fact that she’s no longer your baby or your princess

[sharonkhoo]

One of my friends once said, when we were going through this phase with our daughters: "My little girl went to sleep an angel, and woke up a monster!" It sometimes really seems like the change happens overnight.


I think the most important thing that parents need to remember is that lots of changes are happening in the child, and they are themselves probably struggling with understanding themselves and the adjustments. They can be under a lot of stress just from the changes, and of course, this is also a time of changes in their bodies, friendships, greater demands at school, etc. If you can, try to remember what it was like when you went through those phases yourself and cut them a bit of slack - I still remember the pain and struggles, and it helped me with my 2 girls (now in their 20s).

I found that my girls could swing quite wildly, not just in moods (hormones!) but also from wanting to be "grownup" and independent one minute, then needing assurance from us the next. As parents, we just had to adapt. But we did lay down certain groundrules about respect, manners, responsibilities, expectations - you may need to find a time when things are calm to talk about these. And these rules and expectations have to be adjusted from time to time as the child matures.

It can be a difficult time for families, but it can be very rewarding too. Despite some flareups and conflicts, overall, we enjoyed our girls’ teen years. We watched them grow up gradually, stretch their wings, practise their social skills, learn management skills, make more decisions, etc. By relaxing the rules gradually, we found that they trusted us enough that when we had to put our foot down, they accepted that we knew better, even if they grumbled. They understood that we would grant them as much freedom as we thought they could handle, and now, we basically leave them to make their own decisions unless they ask for advice. And even in their 20s, they will ask for our input, and even take our advice over their friends’ sometimes. I have even fielded a call from overseas to talk about a boy! (I was so gratified that she would call her mum rather than just talk to her friends.)

So make the most of this turbulent time to grow a strong relationship with your kids. Don’t assume that they will listen to friends more than parents - that’s not inevitable.

[ngl2010]

natgoh\" post_id=\"1993594\" time=\"1599098803\" user_id=\"40349:

Hi all, does anyone of you have that same situation that you realized your 13 years old suddenly just \"grow\" from a child to a teenager? My DD in the beginning of the year is still sweet and happy and will share and play a lot with us but during CB period everything changes. She started to lose interest in lots of things that previously interest her. Her behavior and attitude changes too. She starts to share less and don't like to go out anymore. She starts to get defensive and easily irritated towards us. Her behavior towards us has a 180 degree change but on \"good\" days, she is still the little child. Last time, she will hold my hands and walk close to me for hugs, these days she fold her arms and stand a distance. This really breaks my heart like I do not know her anymore. What can I do? Is it due to puberty?

I always remember this advice from DS's school. When the kids are young, we should act like their teacher. When they are teenagers, we should act like a coach. When they are adults, we treat them as friends. As your DD is growing up, maybe change how you treat her too?

[mindscape]

I do agree! First key is communication. With communication, trust is build.