How to handle teenage dating?

[mummyjoyce]

one of my nephew (O level) this year is dating a girl. My DD (Sec 1 this year) asks me if this is a good thing to happen. :?

I told her that 16 is too young but it is OK as long as she is open and disucss abt it. However I did tell her that this thing is not always :love: and this will definately affect study.
She concluded she will have a boyfriend only after her A level and said that she is good since she is in a All girl school :? (not sure for me)

[verykiasu2010]

well well, at least one problem is solved when girl is interested in boy : no need to worry about the girl staying single till old age - if things are PROPERLY managed and counseled


if the girl totally has no interest in boy, you should be more worried than if she has

[daisyt]

verykiasu2010:

well well, at least one problem is solved when girl is interested in boy : no need to worry about the girl staying single till old age - if things are PROPERLY managed and counseled


if the girl totally has no interest in boy, you should be more worried than if she has

True and I always tell dd, nothing wrong for BGR, its just a matter of timing.

[hesiew]

Thanks Daisyt and all for sharing your experience and advise. I will got to start setting groundrules like what time they must be back and limit how may times she can go out. Just didn't know I have to do it so soon! Yes I'd sensed something very wrong that's why I checked her msgs. Will not do that again, probably got to spend more time with her and offer her good guidance on BGR. I guess its a learning process too for parents.


Hi Snowman, I guess its a learning prcess too for many first time parents and we do make mistakes. But all we do is out of love and concern for the kids.

[soda]

Hi! Just to share that my sec1 boy chalked up 300+ smses in a month and I found out he was smsing a girl from his primary school. First I spied on the contents which are quite harmless. Then I asked him to let me check his smses, in a friendly and casual tone. He wasn’t angry and told me smsing girls are very common among his schoolmates. Some boys even sms a handful of girls, most of these ‘relationships’ are not serious. My boy is in a boys’ school and the girl’s school is faraway, there’s no opportunity for them to meet up. I didn’t object him of smsing girl, but I’ll monitor. So, he is not gay and has the opportunity to interact with girl. He’ll have to pay if he exceeded his hp plan. I do casually ask about the girl from time to time, something like if she likes her school or cca. Just to show him it is normal to be friend of a girl, and it is totally ok to talk about gbf with me anytime. Hope we can keep the channel open till he has a relationship. My girl is in p5, I’d opened the channel already, she told me who & who like her and she finds boys irritating.


I do agree children have to earn their privacy. Be honest and responsible and earn your privacy gradually. Dear, don’t expect 100% privacy right from the beginning.

[MOE Hater]

phankao:

snowman.697:

[quote=\"hesiew\"]I found out by spying her mobile msg and didn't want her to know I invaded her privacy. Still pretending I don't know.

I am not an anti-parent person; neither do I want to offend. But I strongly oppose to what you have done. Your daughter is a person too, she has the rights to her own privacy. If I were your daughter and I found out, you can imagine how angry I would be. In my opinion, the reasons why people invent SMSes are to not only make life more convenient, but also to have more privacy. Imagine talking on the phone; people can already hear half of the conversation going on. That disadvantage will be no more with SMS. Now imagine someone barging through that privacy barrier and reading the SMSes is that. That is invading privacy isn't it? From a child's point of view, I think we (18yo and below) have a right to some privacy too! At least, if I were you, I would tell her that I would be reading her messages, and the reason is that it's for her own good. Not by \"spying\". I have friends whose parents spy on them too, and I believe they feel really angry and isolated when they find out. What will your own child feel if she eventually finds out?

My advice to you is, STOP reading her texts. Admit to her, admit that you should not have done it, but at the same time, explain to her, and ask her, why, who, where, she was dating (with). Then you can explain to her about O-levels, focussing, prioritising, and all that stuff. Spying on texts, and not doing anything, will not help to solve the problem.

Again sorry if I have offended, but this is just from the view of a child, and I feel that we do have some privacy rights too.

Best regards,

But that also means that the child has not been truthful about what and where she has gone after school.[/quote]She was not truthful? Doesn't that mean she lied? She just hid the truth. Not baring your entire soul to your mother and lying to her are 2 different things, you know.

[hesiew]

MOE Hater:

phankao:

[quote=\"snowman.697\"]
I am not an anti-parent person; neither do I want to offend. But I strongly oppose to what you have done. Your daughter is a person too, she has the rights to her own privacy. If I were your daughter and I found out, you can imagine how angry I would be. In my opinion, the reasons why people invent SMSes are to not only make life more convenient, but also to have more privacy. Imagine talking on the phone; people can already hear half of the conversation going on. That disadvantage will be no more with SMS. Now imagine someone barging through that privacy barrier and reading the SMSes is that. That is invading privacy isn't it? From a child's point of view, I think we (18yo and below) have a right to some privacy too! At least, if I were you, I would tell her that I would be reading her messages, and the reason is that it's for her own good. Not by \"spying\". I have friends whose parents spy on them too, and I believe they feel really angry and isolated when they find out. What will your own child feel if she eventually finds out?

My advice to you is, STOP reading her texts. Admit to her, admit that you should not have done it, but at the same time, explain to her, and ask her, why, who, where, she was dating (with). Then you can explain to her about O-levels, focussing, prioritising, and all that stuff. Spying on texts, and not doing anything, will not help to solve the problem.

Again sorry if I have offended, but this is just from the view of a child, and I feel that we do have some privacy rights too.

Best regards,

But that also means that the child has not been truthful about what and where she has gone after school.

She was not truthful? Doesn't that mean she lied? She just hid the truth. Not baring your entire soul to your mother and lying to her are 2 different things, you know.[/quote]She lied to get permission to go out with \"school\" friends (a girl school) which later found checked SMS that it was a date with a boy! :x

[BlueBells]

Hi Hesiew,


Actually, I think you are better off opening up to your daughter, like telling her something is bothering you about her behaviour, etc., and as a parent, you would like to share with her what is bothering you. Make it a 1:1 session, totally P&C.

At least this opens up a channel of communication, initiated by the parent.

My daughter will tell me, "mummy, can you come to my room for a while? I need to tell you something" and that signals a 1:1 session for us, and she would share with me her crush on boy x, and I will share with her my experience and how best to handle her crush so that she doesn’t lose any friendship in the process.