Anxiety - daughter going to stay at university hall

[starlight1968sg]

mwchua\" post_id=\"2110273\" time=\"1685954664\" user_id=\"1342:

Hi all,

I know it's me being extremely paranoid...

Can't help but ever since DD decides on the university which due to distance, needs to stay at hall, it has really made me very anxious.

From the feeling of why she does not choose the city campus university even though both offers her the 1st choice. To downright worried if she can resist some undesirable practice which is rampant at hall, e.g. keeping late night, supper, drinking, BGR etc...and also if she can properly takes good care of herself...

She has made up her mind and chosen the university at far west. As much as I try to look at the positive side, but I still can't help but really getting worried. And as most of her friend is going to the city campus university, she will have a stranger as room mate....which is another big unknown...

Anyone can help to share experience of your child staying at university hall? Any advice will be greatly appreciated :?:

I understand you.

My dd stayed in Tembusu despite we lived in the west.
She stayed in a single room for 2 years and then covid struck. She moved back and attended lessons online for the rest of her two years

Initially I hv to get used to the empty nest syndrome. Came home after work, only to find hamsters at home; dh returned quite late from his work.
On Fri evening, we would pick her up and on Sun evening, we would send her back to the campus.
During term break, she either stayed in the campus or returned home.
Gradually I got used to this living. When she moved back, I got to readjust myself.

Looking back, I think it is a valuable experience for her and my family. Afterall, she has to learn to be indept and not forever hiding under my wings.

The other regret I had was she was unable to go overseas to study for a term due to covid.

For a start, you can arrange a time to video call her. Once she settles down, just leave her alone to focus on her studies. She is still in Spore and she can return anytime.

[ChiefKiasu]

mwchua\" post_id=\"2110273\" time=\"1685954664\" user_id=\"1342:

Hi all,

I know it's me being extremely paranoid...

Can't help but ever since DD decides on the university which due to distance, needs to stay at hall, it has really made me very anxious.

From the feeling of why she does not choose the city campus university even though both offers her the 1st choice. To downright worried if she can resist some undesirable practice which is rampant at hall, e.g. keeping late night, supper, drinking, BGR etc...and also if she can properly takes good care of herself...

She has made up her mind and chosen the university at far west. As much as I try to look at the positive side, but I still can't help but really getting worried. And as most of her friend is going to the city campus university, she will have a stranger as room mate....which is another big unknown...

Anyone can help to share experience of your child staying at university hall? Any advice will be greatly appreciated :?:

Seriously speaking, if I am the child, I would want to stay far away from home. It gives me a good chance to experience a life that is independent, unknown, and always exciting. I will learn what it takes to look after myself, and be fully responsible for what I do for myself. After a while, I will miss home, and could better see the things that used to be done for me, automatically, by my parents. I will learn to appreciate all that my parents have done for me.

These are my feelings after spending 5 years studying overseas where I have to face my battles alone. I know it is difficult for the parent as we are always worried for our children. But having been through it myself, I will say that the experience was invaluable in preparing us for adulthood.

But I digress. Your child will be in Singapore, much closer to home. She will be back during weekends, which I'm sure she will love being pampered by her parents Don't worry. It's a precious experience!

[Imp75]

mwchua\" post_id=\"2110273\" time=\"1685954664\" user_id=\"1342:

Hi all,

I know it's me being extremely paranoid...

Can't help but ever since DD decides on the university which due to distance, needs to stay at hall, it has really made me very anxious.

From the feeling of why she does not choose the city campus university even though both offers her the 1st choice. To downright worried if she can resist some undesirable practice which is rampant at hall, e.g. keeping late night, supper, drinking, BGR etc...and also if she can properly takes good care of herself...

She has made up her mind and chosen the university at far west. As much as I try to look at the positive side, but I still can't help but really getting worried. And as most of her friend is going to the city campus university, she will have a stranger as room mate....which is another big unknown...

Anyone can help to share experience of your child staying at university hall? Any advice will be greatly appreciated :?:

Since our time, staying in hall means late night suppers, mahjong, drinking sessions, bad luck if can't choose your room-mates etc but hey that's part of hall-life isn't it? As long as you know your daughter well enough and know that she has self-discipline, I think everything will pan out fine, as long as she can manage her studies/hall-life well. Once they stay on hall, there is really nothing much parents can control isn't it? So maybe just chill and observe?

[MrsKiasu]

I feel excited when I read this. I hope my dds have the chance too.


Personally I find that is a good thing. Kid can try be independent, parents can try to let go. Any issues, within 1 hr can reach. On the influences that parents worry…we can always remind them to be careful.

[starlight1968sg]

MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2110295\" time=\"1685963023\" user_id=\"43981:

I feel excited when I read this. I hope my dds have the chance too.

Personally I find that is a good thing. Kid can try be independent, parents can try to let go. Any issues, within 1 hr can reach. On the influences that parents worry..we can always remind them to be careful.

It is not easy to let go.

[sharonkhoo]

mwchua\" post_id=\"2110273\" time=\"1685954664\" user_id=\"1342:

Hi all,

I know it's me being extremely paranoid...

Can't help but ever since DD decides on the university which due to distance, needs to stay at hall, it has really made me very anxious.

From the feeling of why she does not choose the city campus university even though both offers her the 1st choice. To downright worried if she can resist some undesirable practice which is rampant at hall, e.g. keeping late night, supper, drinking, BGR etc...and also if she can properly takes good care of herself...

She has made up her mind and chosen the university at far west. As much as I try to look at the positive side, but I still can't help but really getting worried. And as most of her friend is going to the city campus university, she will have a stranger as room mate....which is another big unknown...

Anyone can help to share experience of your child staying at university hall? Any advice will be greatly appreciated :?:

A typical 19yo should be well able to manage living in hall! Unless she has learning, mental or physical disabilities, you shouldn't need to worry. Presumably you have raised her to be sensible, to have some discipline, to know how to to deal with others, take care of herself, make new friends... if not, it's time for her to learn. And she's only in Singapore - at worst, she only needs to get a Grab home, or call and you can be with her in under an hour. And she'll probably go home every weekend.

I may sound callous, but really, a 19yo needs to be able to be fairly independent. Living away from home, if only a few miles away, will be a good opportunity for her. My younger girl studied overseas - she roomed with a stranger (who of course became a friend) and managed very well. We skyped every week, but she handled most things on her own, with some consultation if she felt she needed it. With WA, it was a huge difference from my day of expensive coin-phones!

A caveat - I also have another daughter with mild learning disabilities. She didn't want to live in hall though I would have liked her to try, but I didn't press her. But if your daughter doesn't have those issues, the concerns you have are mostly yours, so just keep telling yourself that your daughter will learn to manage! She won't make every decision exactly as you would like, and she will sometimes make mistakes. But at 19yo, most mistakes are not life-threatening or irrecoverable, and mistakes are the best (sometimes the only) way to learn. As a parent, take pride that your daughter wants to be more independent. Just let her know that you are always there if she needs consultation or bailing out, but let her take the lead - if she feels that you will take over decision-making, or blame her for mistakes, then she will seek help from elsewhere instead.

[doodbug]

Please do not be nervous about kids opting to stay in university halls. It is an experience that we as parents, cannot replicate for the kids. The nervousness may be construed by the kid as distrust, paranoia or not allowing for mistakes, all of which we do not wish to inadvertently convey.


Let’s look at it in perspective - some of our kids would have gone through secondary school in Singapore which offered a boarding component, for one term or semester. Many have gone on short overseas trips with their school.

Singapore is already a sheltered and benign environment. It is very important for a child/human to learn and gain confidence that they can live and function on their own. It will be a greater regret in life if a student who wants to experience hall life, didn’t have the courage to do so, or didn’t have the opportunity to do so.

We won’t be around to protect our kids forever. And they won’t and don’t want us to either.

[floppy]

Here’s me jumping in.


To put your mind at ease…
All the negative things that you have heard about in the hall… late night binge, mahjong, games, supper, BGR, and all the things that you don’t want your parents to know… it’s all true.

Probably the best 3+ years of my (and many hall mates’) life When we bumped into each other, no matter which part of the world we are in, or reminisce over social media when some memories popped up, we will always have a good laugh over the kind of nonsense that we had done. There’s no better time to be stupid (unless your child’s career aspiration is to be a politician). YOLO.

Welcome to adulthood.

[sharonkhoo]

floppy\" post_id=\"2110359\" time=\"1686044153\" user_id=\"97579:

Here’s me jumping in.

To put your mind at ease…
All the negative things that you have heard about in the hall… late night binge, mahjong, games, supper, BGR, and all the things that you don’t want your parents to know… it’s all true.

Probably the best 3+ years of my (and many hall mates’) life When we bumped into each other, no matter which part of the world we are in, or reminisce over social media when some memories popped up, we will always have a good laugh over the kind of nonsense that we had done. There’s no better time to be stupid (unless your child’s career aspiration is to be a politician). YOLO.

Welcome to adulthood.

To the original poster - Sure, all the negative things are true. What is not true is that all students are doing those things, and will do them to extremes all the 4 years. Most of those things are not bad in moderation. You should know what kind of person your child is. If you fear that your child will do them to extremes, to the extent of jeopardising their health, safety or degree, then maybe staying at home may be wiser. Looking at the list floppy provided, I think my very sensible daughter did most of them at one point or another, but never to extremes. She's none the worse for it. You're only 19 once.