Living in Singapore

[doodbug]

A lot of depends on upbringing. Perhaps many of us are not "modelling" how a fulfilling marriage and family life for our kids, so all they are able to see at this moment are the risks, the costs, the sacrifices, the difficulties, the pressures, the quarrels etc. There will be teachable and striking moments though, and hopefully we also get to convey love, family support and all when everyone rallies together to celebrate little steps of progress, or overcoming setbacks together.


It’s also the culture of being calculative - what’s in it for me and why should I bother to invest in it when the returns are not guaranteed? And being calculative and shrewd are regarded as "wisdom" or "strategic" traits to some. This generation has imbibed the ‘is it worth doing this and that’ culture earlier than we had - we can see it right from schooling days with CCA choices, subject choices etc. I felt that I had way more freedom when I was schooling.

[sharonkhoo]

MyPillow\" post_id=\"2130659\" time=\"1710297362\" user_id=\"70594:

i think the kids are also watching their parents hectic lifestyle and sacrifices we parents made for the family... they are \"scared\" to get into such \"bitter\" cycle themselves.
whenever there is chance , we will share about it is our duty for pro-creation, this maintain the life cycle and on big humanitarian responsibility .. blah blah .. etc But in our hearts, hubby & I shared we are also ok if the kids decided not to have kids.

I don't think most young people (or most people of any age, for that matter) will do things for the sake of humanity and the nation! Also, some of them are still young, and many who are in their 20s are still more like late-teens compared to \"our time\" as there is delayed maturity these days.

I started off ambivalent about having kids. But later on, I wanted the family to be more than just 2 people, and wanted the experience of shaping and nurturing my own kids. I still don't really like kids in general! I can't blame my lack of a \"good\" career on my kids alone as following my husband overseas in my 30s and 40s was also partly to blame. I'm making the best of it now, even though I don't get much work and don't earn much, because I just like doing it. I'm happy with how my life has turned out, and wouldn't change much if I had the chance to choose again. I hope my kids will take my contentment as an example that it's not necessary to aim for the \"top\", whatever that might be for them. And I hope that they will have enjoyed their life in our family enough that they want to give that experience to the next generation. And I have made it clear that I will not be a full-time carer granny!

[lee_yl]

I asked DH how can the Govt do more to convince young people to have at least one child.


DH says that from a cynical perspective, there is actually no need for the Govt to do so because it’s Singaporeans’ own choice of not wanting to set up a family and have children. The Govt has the option of just letting more PRCs and South Asians come in. Upon hearing that, I sian half !!!

[MyPillow]

lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130663\" time=\"1710298311\" user_id=\"17023:

I asked DH how can the Govt do more to convince young people to have at least one child.

DH says that from a cynical perspective, there is actually no need for the Govt to do so because it’s Singaporeans’ own choice of not wanting to set up a family and have children. The Govt has the option of just letting more PRCs and South Asians come in. Upon hearing that, I sian half !!!

start from National education again, CCE, social studies on starting a family ..
i dun think exam stress is removed with new psle marking system, A level exam etc
we can see that popular sec & JC sch COP has improved alot again - if i am a student now, i lagi stress, dunno i can pass my A level of not :rotflmao:
so far i feel polytechnic diploma courses is still more holitistic than A level

[zac's mum]

Actually i noticed that in sg, school teachers (and former school teachers) have bucked the trend. Many have 2-3 (or more) kids. IMO this is good for our society. Educators already inherently love kids. They also already have the skills and know-how to look after/manage a room full of kids (a household will be easy for them compared to a newlywed couple with zero experience). And the cherry on top: they already have the “cheat codes” for how to navigate our education system ie what literacy/numeracy/self-discipline/social skills the kids need to have from young in order to survive & thrive (not necessarily ace) our education system.


At least this is what i notice from my friends’ families (and also other educators’ families). They seem to have gotten the whole family-WLB thing all sorted & happy. This may not be peak financial success as how DINKS would aspire to, but to me it looks like a good direction in general for our society, if we talk about bringing up the bulk of our future gen, i think the teachers have it covered (even on the home front) haha.

[sharonkhoo]

I don’t think CCE is the way to go (at least it shouldn’t be expected to work magic) - I may be cynical, but I think it’s generally not taken at all seriously. And values are best learnt by being modelled in the home. Stress is largely due to higher expectations than the person can achieve - but we are groomed to always try to "excel", which means pushing to the limit and sometimes beyond. Our kids need to hear that it’s OK to be whatever they are and, by definition, not everyone can be "average" or "top".

[MMM]

Interesting topic. My personal belief is the definition of success is very wide and it is defined by ourselves. Was having this career conversation with someone more senior in terms of hierarchy. She is single, maybe 2 years younger than me and pretty senior. But do I envy her or think she is successful just because she earns alot more? Never envied her and will never… So long as she is happy and I am happy with what I have, that’s more important.


At work, I would always encourage my team members in their late 20s and 30s to get married and have kids. I count our blessings that we had kids in our 20s so as we are hitting 50s, the kids are fairly grown up and retirement by 55 seems viable. Spoke to friends who got married/ had kids later and they are like… i need 10 more years than you before I can even think of retirement.

One thing that my bil said when my niece got married in her mid 20s which resonated with me was 成家立业 (First build your family followed by career) though this seems to be done in a reverse mode these days. While it sounds traditional, there’s a lot of logic in it too. So I’ve been encouraging my kids to find the right one in uni (fingers crossed as depends on fate but alot are resorting to online dating app), build their career and don’t settle down too late after they graduate. I was also wondering how we can help them with child minding (not every day as I think it’s good to have our own me/ self-care time but maybe few days a week). It’s sort of like giving back the benefits of what we’ve gotten from our parents when the kids were growing up. Would be more than happy to help support them where we can and i believed it’s a win win situation.

[Liew Nga Wing]

Actually still don’t understand why must our kids have to marry and having their own kids. It is their own choice. I love to eat apple does not mean DS has to love to eat apple. I think family is important to me does not mean DS has to have same valuation. The global human population reached 8.0 billion in Year 2022 and the human environment is deteriorating. If we cannot 100% guarantee our grand kids will be having a good life, why must we persuade our kids to give birth?


For working ladies, it is also their own choice on giving birth or struggle on their own career. My Sister in Law had abandoned two toddlers. We could not blame her because she had the right to choose her own life and future.

[sharonkhoo]

I don’t think persuasion on such a personal matter is likely to work! I am just expressing what I understand to be the reasons for the younger generation not to choose marriage and/or family, compared with my own choices. I enjoyed my own motherhood journey and family life enough that I would like my children to have the same experience in their lives. But if they choose differently - that’s their choice. I do not persuade or tell them that they "must". In any case, I have one child who is unlikely to get married, for personal reasons.

[00skyblue00]

Yes, there is no right or wrong. No which is a better choice.

But I will make sure i tell my kid, one choice is captive and not reversible after certain age. Want them to know at age 50 or 60, many friends will have own families and own circle, will be lonely. By then if start looking, all decent personalities and good ones will be taken. And let them be aware of cases of scam love stories. At young age, they may not understand what it really entails to be single by 50 or 60.
Same with those got married but don’t want kids. Having kids allows me to relive my life in a new, advanced world as an observer, something one will never understand until they tried unfortunately. Parallel to time travel…
If eventually they still choose to be single or childless with the knowledge of what is the vacuum about, so be it.
But at least, if my child decides to be single, but one day a boy approach her, she will not reject at first instance and hopefully have an open mind first.