Living in Singapore
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lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130761\" time=\"1710556762\" user_id=\"17023:
If you are on the meetup app, there are lot of Singles gatherings and even single will not feel lonely in this new era. My DS is so lucky don't have a parents brainwashing him. :siam:
Some time back, I did the same thing as mentioned above. I think persistent brainwashing will work.
Initially DD1 would argue back that her friends are also single so she wouldn’t feel lonely because they could meet for tea/window shopping. So I told DD1 when her friends have their own famililes, their priorities will not be to meet up with her anymore.
要看孩子、陪老公。By then at 50s, DD1 would be too old to reverse her biological clock. She kept quiet and can see her in deep thoughts… -
I don’t think we need to do anything for our kids. When they meet the right ones, they should naturally want to settle down/get married. If they don’t and are open about it, then there are a lot of reliable dating sites. My colleague met his current wife (both same age) at 34 via a free dating app and already have a kid by 36.
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Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2130764\" time=\"1710559097\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2130764 time=1710559097 user_id=195250]
If that were true, we won’t see so many love scam cases nowadays.
If you are on the meetup app, there are lot of Singles gatherings and even single will not feel lonely in this new era. My DS is so lucky don't have a parents brainwashing him. :siam:[/quote]
I hope some sensitivity could be exercised when writing in this forum. How would you like it if I were to say, my children are so lucky since they don’t have to live through a divorce to be brought up by a step-parent? -
Imp75\" post_id=\"2130765\" time=\"1710560476\" user_id=\"2358:
I think there is a difference between a single who is actively looking for partner but has no luck in the search vs a single who thinks setting up family and having children are a burden to be avoided, and the money better spent on personal enjoyment.
I don’t think we need to do anything for our kids. When they meet the right ones, they should naturally want to settle down/get married. If they don’t and are open about it, then there are a lot of reliable dating sites. My colleague met his current wife (both same age) at 34 via a free dating app and already have a kid by 36.
As a mother, I think I have a responsibility to guide my daughter that yes, there’s pain (sacrifices to be made) but there’s also much joy and happiness that a child can bring and women do have biological clock.
It’s like we are unlikely to scold our kids if we see them putting in much effort studying but still can’t do well in exam vs one who played handphone games till he fail. -
Yes true, fostering is out for me…I m unable to give the same amt of love as for our own kids. With own kids, we could sacrifice anything and everything but not …
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lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130770\" time=\"1710564868\" user_id=\"17023:
Totally agree with you. Perhaps children mirror their parents the best. If they could see how joyous their own family is and how their own parents bring them up with full of joy and love (and not grunt, complaints and unhappiness), I don’t see why they would want to stay single and think having children is a chore?
I think there is a difference between a single who is actively looking for partner but has no luck in the search vs a single who thinks setting up family and having children are a burden to be avoided, and the money better spent on personal enjoyment.
As a mother, I think I have a responsibility to guide my daughter that yes, there’s pain (sacrifices to be made) but there’s also much joy and happiness that a child can bring and women do have biological clock.
It’s like we are unlikely to scold our kids if we see them putting in much effort studying but still can’t do well in exam vs one who played handphone games till he fail.
For my case, I am hoping my girls can meet the right ones rather than not wanting to get married/choose to be single. -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2130774\" time=\"1710568624\" user_id=\"43981:
Actually now that my kids are grown up, I did think of fostering. But unlike you, precisely they are not my own kids, I would treat them “less strict” and shower them more love (in case I hurt them as they might have some social issues from before). Maybe that’s why people say humans may treat outsiders better than their own family members.
Yes true, fostering is out for me..I m unable to give the same amt of love as for our own kids. With own kids, we could sacrifice anything and everything but not ...
Fostering is currently out as both of us are FTWP. -
Imp75\" post_id=\"2130782\" time=\"1710570534\" user_id=\"2358:
You are correct. We are not allowed to use corporal or harsh punishment kind of discipline methods on foster kids. So i would take a much more gentle approach with my foster kids too.
Actually now that my kids are grown up, I did think of fostering. But unlike you, precisely they are not my own kids, I would treat them “less strict” and shower them more love (in case I hurt them as they might have some social issues from before). Maybe that’s why people say humans may treat outsiders better than their own family members.
Fostering is currently out as both of us are FTWP.
I also agree with you on having a loving family environment will have more effect on encouraging our kids to want a similar family of their own when they reach the marriageable age. We have ongoing open discussions at home but i leave him to make up his own mind (with the important exhortation that he must discuss & come to agreement with his wife as well). For a working woman, there is huge sacrifice involved especially if not intending to hire helpers or put in full day childcare. He has benefitted from my sacrifice and is grateful for it. But i told him it will be rare to find a similar in his gen, unless he is earning double of his peers. Made him think. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130761\" time=\"1710556762\" user_id=\"17023:
I will continue to share experiences and \"grandma \" old stories with kid. Share whenever timing is right but subtly. Agree that we cannot \"force\" or impose. But whatever we conveyed will stay in their minds consciously or subconsciously. And hopefully one day these messages will emerge and become useful at point of decisions making.
Some time back, I did the same thing as mentioned above. I think persistent brainwashing will work.
Initially DD1 would argue back that her friends are also single so she wouldn’t feel lonely because they could meet for tea/window shopping. So I told DD1 when her friends have their own famililes, their priorities will not be to meet up with her anymore.
要看孩子、陪老公。By then at 50s, DD1 would be too old to reverse her biological clock. She kept quiet and can see her in deep thoughts…
For upp pri, lower sec, we share our personal views on the different contestants in eg junior masterchef etc on TV. This boy... That girl....
Just a few moments ago, i tested water to make sure my kid has normal standards... Asking her if she noticed the good looking uni year 3 boy we met among the others at uni open house the other day. Very relieved that she did and agree. I told her, i was wondering if she even take notice and that her close girlfriend would probably hit her mum in excitement when she spotted one in same situation. She laughed in agreement.
We as parents can discuss openly with our children, showing that liking someone is normal. Then add on some sensible advices too.
I come to accept that my kid will not be the type to chase after someone,vs someone like her buddy. But i hope our conversations will open her mind and be more receptive and one day when chance/fate or the right one arrives, she knows and makes a wise choice.
When she is 18yo or older, i would encourage her to widen her social circle and go out with friends in big group, meet new people. That's all we can do. At this age, I would like her to be more conscious abt her fashon/hair sense, how she carry herself while not losing her own style. Not baggy tshirt and jeans everyday... -
zac's mum\" post_id=\"2130783\" time=\"1710572118\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2130783 time=1710572118 user_id=53606]
Some couples are willing to life simply in order for a parent to stay home. I have advised my daughter to live simply so that she will have the option for one of the couple not to work for periods of time to care for kids or some other reason. Not taking on a big mortgage and saving before the kids come will help too. The other doesn't have to be earning double.
But i told him it will be rare to find a similar in his gen, unless he is earning double of his peers. Made him think.[/quote]
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