Living in Singapore
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Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2130860\" time=\"1710743099\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2130860 time=1710743099 user_id=195250]
I won't dispute that having children does not mean no nursing home and not passing away alone. But instead of it being an almost 100% possibility, if you have kids and raise them with the values that you want to impart, you have at least a 50% chance of your children being there with you especially during your last days.
Thank you for your understanding. The word \"Brainwashing\" carries a very negative connotation on me. Of course, I and DH also have our redline on DS. We will never allow him to smoke or vaping, drug abuse, addicted to XXXXX, extravagant, stealing, cheating, etc....but for study, CCA, work, marriage, HDB house.....we will always respect his decision.
Actually for many elderly who are staying in nurse home or staying alone - have sons or daughters. So having kids does not mean they will take care of their parents. Some may go overseas or some may busy at work or their own family. :nailbite:[/quote]
Just like my close friend. Her mother and father divorced when she was still young. Her mother lived with her and passed away quite a few years ago. Her father lived on his own, they do meet up during festive seasons and holiday together. Recently he has been diagnosed with end stage cancer and given 3mths to live. All the children rallied together and are now spending as much time as possible with him.
Anyways, you have your believes, others have theirs. No one is saying what you believe is wrong but just sharing our opinions about trying to get kids to see both sides of the coin and as much as possible, influence them to choose the side that we feel is better for them.
To be honest, when in my 20s and after a few breakups, I had the thinking that being single is better than being with someone or marrying. I even had the thought that I do not need to have a partner to have kids, I can adopt if I really wanted kids. I felt that life will be a lot simpler if I do not have to consider or factor in another person in my decisions and daily life. My mum was pretty worried and nagged me about it, my dad did not approve of my lifestyle then. Eventually, I kinda got tired of that lifestyle and cupid struck so here I am married with kids and telling my kids rather similar stuff that leeyl is telling her girls. It is preferable to settle down and have a family, however if the partner does not work out for you, it is not the end of the road. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130803\" time=\"1710641292\" user_id=\"17023:
nowadays, i think we parents need to pull back and try not to comment too much when kids r in 20s, they are rather different fro our era, we are the more obedient n compliant type.
It won’t work by basing on the hope of growing up in a loving environment. I have seen many lovely (& intact) families with at least 1 unmarried daughter. Even if I were to offer to look after the grandkids, it doesn’t mean my children would want to give birth more. It’s not so straightforward. It’s a society problem.
Of cos we all hope to see our kids getting a lifelong companion. But on the other hand, I do reiterate to them, don’t go and die if your marriage fails, not worth it.
At 18yo-19yo still can shape their minds but all these persuasive talks will have to stop once they hit 30yo. I do not want to give them too much pressure till they anyhow marry themselves off. And I am aware it gets irritating to ask someone above 30yo, when are you going to get married lah / when are you going to give birth, etc. By then I will zip up my mouth in case it backfires. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130858\" time=\"1710742548\" user_id=\"17023:
me and dh were one of the successful cases of sdu which started in our NUS student days, social club,
Yesterday there was an article in The Sunday Times that said, “SDU was set up by the Govt in 1984 with the initial mission of coaxing graduates to marry and have children.”
The journalist chose to use the word “coaxing” rather than “brainwashing”. But both actually mean the same thing lah!
we met each other via NUS online platform . thats where we make some other friends too .. similar to kiasu parents chat forum that i met u ladies :rahrah: -
The crucial part for our young adults to recognise is to meet/know more new/old (hee… from school reunions) people, expand their social circle, starting from going out in bigger groups, then smaller groups where one can get to know each other a bit better. Be it to Join "SDU" or interests groups or hobbies classes. Only then can they find like-minded people, make friends etc.
I think for some youths, they are clueless how to find people with same interest to begin with and may behave awkward, dont know how to make small talks type. This group may be overshadowed by those loud and out-going people. But once they get engaged in topics of their interests, they can shine too and others will start take notice of them.
I know of a few ladies who only woken up after 30s. They joined selective (suitable for low profile types) groups voluntarily and found their partners through chatting online for a while before going out. Got married after a year or so. Noticed that they only started looking seriously then, took better care of their appearance etc. I feel that if only they did the same from university or fresh at work, they would have gotten married earlier too. If only there is suitable coaching provided to this group, more of them would find someone suitable much earlier as it would be harder as females get older (fewer available males).
I like how we see SK parents arrange meetups for their children but hands-off after that and leave the rest up to children themselves. Personalities and interests have to match before starting anything.
Will have to share with kids that of course while dating is nice, there will/may be break-ups. Pre-empt them that breakups can be painful. Listening to TS/love songs, one would know. but through dating and breaking ups, then they will learn to find out which personalities are compatible and which to avoid. -
MyPillow\" post_id=\"2130871\" time=\"1710749639\" user_id=\"70594:
:please: So cute! Not sure if introverts will auto go online to make friends. Introverts may need a push.
me and dh were one of the successful cases of sdu which started in our NUS student days, social club,
we met each other via NUS online platform . thats where we make some other friends too .. similar to kiasu parents chat forum that i met u ladies :rahrah:
Funny to read that SDU closed shop because private online dating apps’ popularity overtook SDU.
Oh! Our ministry should have done better! Why SDU was not the 1st to invent such a dating app?!
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pirate\" post_id=\"2130826\" time=\"1710700863\" user_id=\"66252:
Your DD younger than my two girls right? Then it’s not the right time to bring up this topic to her, best wait till pass 18yo. Anyway, before 18yo, most teens are not receptive lol.
Not all kids are susceptible to \"brainwashing\". All children are different. Some are more strong-willed than others. Some will only learn from personal experience.
If your teenager listens to you, you should count your blessings. Unless it merely delays their teenage rebellion stage till they are in their 20s. Then good luck to you.
There is no one right or wrong way. It depends on the child.
I agree some kids are more strong-willed and may not be susceptible to “brainwashing”. I suppose what parents can do is subtly hint hint when we see them in good mood. If their faces start to turn black, we faster zip up our mouths? 😂
I do not know at the end of the day whether my DD1 will listen or not but at least I tried my best to encourage her. -
We may be worry a little too much? Think of our time…when much younger in early teens we may have told our mom that we don’t want to get married when talked abt the topic. When the cupid came, parents say don’t also cannot brake liao. I think I have changed the way I look at things now. Initially I don’t want them to be too early but now I tell dd ok la…after these 2 years. Have is ok, dont have I m ok too. But my wish is for them to have a family end of the day.
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lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130890\" time=\"1710767350\" user_id=\"17023:
From what I know, during the orientation time in Junior College(s) first few weeks of JC (1), many boys are already eyeing / targeting potential girls to be their girlfriends, & vice versa, from both their own current batch + with Seniors (JC 2 students) alike. See ! They are already on the look out. They call this the \"puppy love\" stage, or infatuation time.
:please: So cute! Not sure if introverts will auto go online to make friends. Introverts may need a push.
Funny to read that SDU closed shop because private online dating apps’ popularity overtook SDU.
Oh! Our ministry should have done better! Why SDU was not the 1st to invent such a dating app?!
This is the growing trend now. Because after one graduate after uni, go out to society to work, may not be that easy to find potential partners (spouse).
I heard some girls inside the JCs, after eyeing some \"good\" boys, already started to form study group(s). And they purposely invite those boys that they are interested in, to join their study group. During study group time, some of the girls will just flirt around with the boys. So, they are already on the alert lookout of building relationship(s), with opposite gender. So, the students are street smart. Not only to study there, but also to build relationships, on the look out for their future spouse.
After all, they are aged around 18, where the \"flowers\" (ladies) are in full bloom. \" yi duo mei li de sian hua\". You are only young, once.
In fact, I asked my nephew. Today, he still no girl friend. I asked him, \"during JC or uni time last time, why u never look out ? \" He replied that ... Well, the \"good\" girls (ones) are already taken up, fast ...
Come to recall, I have a few friends who are married now with kids. And they used to be ex school mates in Junior College time back then, many years ago.
Yet, strangely, the marriage rate is low in Singapore.
Some of my friends are worried that their grown up children now coming towards 30s, some gone past 35 years old, coming towards age 40 and no relationship ... -
More elderly folks dying alone in Singapore ...
https://stomp.straitstimes.com/singapore-seen/man-76-living-alone-for-over-40-years-found-dead-in-bedok-reservoir-road-flat -
Some kids may not pick up cues when fate knocked on door, missed their chances…
I was sceptical abt JC romance but my elder aunt’s 2nd son got into relationship with gf now wife in JC which spur him to work hard to start a family earlier. Now with 2 kids. But her eldest son still not married in late 30s. Because she kept reminding him to avoid such in sch. He missed his golden opportunities. She objected her2nd son relationship back then too.
But of course, as parents we will also worry abt them getting distracted from studies or something else…
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