Living in Singapore
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bbbay\" post_id=\"2130922\" time=\"1710823464\" user_id=\"175278:
Seen some who avoid try so not to get into unpleasant or uncontrollable situations.
极端的例子：
有些人因为害怕独自生活而留在不健康的婚姻中。有些人因为过去的一段不愉快的关系而避免进入新的感情生活。
两头不着岸。 -
slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2130919\" time=\"1710816659\" user_id=\"28674:
:goodpost:
If we focus on raising sensible kids, then we have to take our eyes off directing them into what looks good to us in terms of choices, like job or spouse. If they are sensible, it means they will be able to choose wisely for themselves, not choose something that their parents or others think is right for them.
Jobs: I would say that a sensible person has grown aware of his own strengths and weaknesses, understands his personality, and is willing to choose a career that suits him, not society's (or parents') idea of what is good for him. He will be sensible enough to ask for advice from parents and others who know more about the sector or job he is interested in, and figure out if it's right for him and if he can live on the income if it's not one of the high-paying kinds.
Spouse: Similarly, a sensible person will choose a spouse based on shared values, ability to get along well, that shared \"chemistry\", and not society's (or parents') idea of what is the right kind of spouse for him.
So once your raise a sensible kid, you relinquish control, and trust him to make his own decisions. As parents, we may guide and advise, but we don't insist or nag. We have to trust that they can make the decisions that are best for them, even if they are not what we think is best. I guess there are some exceptions - if my daughter wants to marry someone with lots of vices, or seems to be violent or abusive, I would step in more strongly. Hopefully, she would be sensible enough to listen!
To answer the \"how\" question, I can only say what I did with my kids. We \"brainwashed\" them when they were young in our values and faith, taught them good habits, responsibility, gratitude etc, and encouraged them to develop skills and interests. We tried to help them understand their own strengths and weaknesses, inclinations and dislikes, personality traits, love languages, etc. We gradually eased off from being authoritative and directive to being advisors and mentors over the years. We hope they will always regard us as mentors, but my younger girl is no longer ours to control. And we try to relinquish control as much as possible for the older one, though it's a slow process. -
doodbug\" post_id=\"2130913\" time=\"1710814634\" user_id=\"13281:
:goodpost:
Every person is an individual, not a programmable robot, with our own set of attitudes, preferences, inclinations, desires etc.
If there is a sure-win formula, it would have been discovered through the collective wisdom,
Time and circumstances are evolving. I would caution against leaning too much on methods of the past, because our kids are growing up in very different times. If the workplace has not convinced us enough, a lot of our long held beliefs must be challenged, and are probably obsolete.
Parenting is a humbling journey - we all learn that there are limits to parenting. Take life as a journey which we discover and learn with our kids, through the ups and downs, through supporting and building each other up. -
This is so ironic right. When I was growing up, my parents hawked over my every movement and did not allow any relationships until after adulthood. Just one generation and we are eager about our children having the time to look out for potential partners at JC/uni etc.
when my daughter told me she had a bf in sec 4, I thought it was a bit too soon but then since we are quite open about it, I rather she told me upfront rather than behind our back and we fully supported her as we got to know more about the bf. -
doodbug\" post_id=\"2130913\" time=\"1710814634\" user_id=\"13281:
For us we embrace change - enjoy the kids when they are young, move on to our own lives when they become independent.
Every person is an individual, not a programmable robot, with our own set of attitudes, preferences, inclinations, desires etc.
If there is a sure-win formula, it would have been discovered through the collective wisdom,
Time and circumstances are evolving. I would caution against leaning too much on methods of the past, because our kids are growing up in very different times. If the workplace has not convinced us enough, a lot of our long held beliefs must be challenged, and are probably obsolete.
Parenting is a humbling journey - we all learn that there are limits to parenting. Take life as a journey which we discover and learn with our kids, through the ups and downs, through supporting and building each other up. -
00skyblue00\" post_id=\"2130902\" time=\"1710806276\" user_id=\"143605:
Oops, I must admit, I brainwashed my two girls over the whole of sec 4, no BGR in JC, no BGR in JC….
Some kids may not pick up cues when fate knocked on door, missed their chances...
I was sceptical abt JC romance but my elder aunt's 2nd son got into relationship with gf now wife in JC which spur him to work hard to start a family earlier. Now with 2 kids. But her eldest son still not married in late 30s. Because she kept reminding him to avoid such in sch. He missed his golden opportunities. She objected her2nd son relationship back then too.
But of course, as parents we will also worry abt them getting distracted from studies or something else...
Told them I do not want to see them repeat A levels.
Such a dilemma, they have BFs too early I get worried, no BFs later on I scared + sad.
My cousin married his JC schoolmate after the two were paired up to do ballroom dancing during orientation. LOL. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130958\" time=\"1710857129\" user_id=\"17023:
Aiyo, am always telling kids that this is not cast in stone. Am always amicable so 很好说话的. If it is someone good, go ahead. Otherwise, will certainly 棒打鸢鸯. Always laughed but think the message was clear.
Oops, I must admit, I brainwashed my two girls over the whole of sec 4, no BGR in JC, no BGR in JC….
Told them I do not want to see them repeat A levels.
Such a dilemma, they have BFs too early I get worried, no BFs later on I scared + sad.
My cousin married his JC schoolmate after the two were paired up to do ballroom dancing during orientation. LOL. -
Coolkidsrock2\" post_id=\"2130959\" time=\"1710858998\" user_id=\"48901:
Even if that someone is good, a break-up before A levels can cause them to cry buckets and fail.
Aiyo, am always telling kids that this is not cast in stone. Am always amicable so 很好说话的. If it is someone good, go ahead. Otherwise, will certainly 棒打鸢鸯. Always laughed but think the message was clear.
Sorry, just thinking aloud, if you 反对，棒打鸳鸯，your kids will listen to you and breakup meh?
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lee_yl\" post_id=\"2130960\" time=\"1710863014\" user_id=\"17023:
反对then will 私奔 or not??
Even if that someone is good, a break-up before A levels can cause them to cry buckets and fail.
Sorry, just thinking aloud, if you 反对，棒打鸳鸯，your kids will listen to you and breakup meh?
Lol
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doodbug\" post_id=\"2130961\" time=\"1710863098\" user_id=\"13281:
反对then will 私奔 or not??
Lol
My DH says Singapore not big enough to 私奔 lah. Maybe Yishun run to Ang Mo Kio?
China is big enough to 私奔. One province run to another province, not easy to find!
Singapore teens no money to 私奔 also
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