How should a parent handle it if the other side refuses to acknowledge the seriousness of the injury?
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Hi parents, I would like to ask for some opinions.
My daughter primary school was recently injured in school after being hit by another student with a 1L big metal water bottle. She had nose bleeding and we had to seek medical attention.
The other parent feels that it was an accident and does not think an apology letter is necessary, even after seeing the ENT medical report and photos.
I feel very concerned about whether the other family are taking this seriously enough.
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@LaserEye Hi! It sounds distressing for your daughter, as well as you.
Have you asked your daughter how she feels about this, and whether she thinks it was not an accident?
Are you concerned about her safety in school around that student?
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I’ve explained to my daughter psychology does recognize patterns where some people avoid apology because apology requires them to face guilt, shame, responsibility, or damage they caused.
What the quote describes can relate to:
1. Denial
A person refuses to fully accept what happened because the truth feels too uncomfortable.2. Defensiveness
Instead of hearing “I hurt you,” they hear “I am a bad person,” so they protect themselves by arguing, minimizing, or attacking back. Defense mechanisms are often used to reduce inner stress or conflict.3. Projection / blame-shifting
They may push the guilt outward: “You are too sensitive,” “You caused this,” “You misunderstood,” or “It was your fault.” Projection is commonly described as attributing unacceptable feelings or faults to someone else.4. Shame avoidance
Some people cannot tolerate the shame of admitting harm. Instead of saying, “I did wrong,” they rewrite the story so they can still feel innocent. Research on apologies also shows that when people feel less defensive, they are more able to give better apologies. -
@LaserEye I like that you laid it out for her that way; it’s very clear.
My husband is a teacher, so we get to hear his stories too. In fact recently something happened at one of his school camps, which was similar to what you recounted.
Just musing on this:
Sometimes, it can be very surprising/hurtful/jarring when we’re on the receiving end of negative behaviours. And we might feel that if we had caused any pain, even accidentally, we would have displayed much more care.
In most instances, how we handle these situations says a lot about our personality and values, and our ability to manage our own emotions. At the same time, some parents could be facing multiple stressors, e.g. financial/caregiving pressures or marital breakdowns/personal issues, which might lead to the avoidance patterns that you described…
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