yelling by teacher everyday in school

[ChiefKiasu]

Dear Francis,


It is quite clear to me that the teacher may have been put off or got a scolding from the vice principal after your initial "complaint" and that may have made the problem worse.

I recommend you do the following:

1. Call the teacher out for a heart-to-heart and informal talk with you and your spouse only, and not with her bosses (eg. the vice principal). It is important that during this meeting, you do not make ANY accusations, but just outline the problems you are facing. Avoid the use of the word "YOU" as much as possible, and just use the word "WE". Also, avoid the use of the words "single out" or "targeted". Appeal to her profession as an educationist. Focus on the objective, which is the welfare of your child.

For example:
"Our son is feeling very miserable recently and has nightmares about school. When we ask him why, he tells us that he feels very stressed that he is always being punished in class. He does not really understand why he is being punished. We hope to learn more from you about his behavior in class and see if we can work together to improve his situation."

2. After the session, follow up immediately with a thank you note to the teacher, copied to the VP. It should contain the specific actions that both parties have agreed on to try out. This will put the teacher’s mind at ease that she is dealing with reasonable folks who are not out to make life difficult for her.

3. Whenever something positive happen, eg. when your child improves, send thank you notes to the teacher and again, copy them to the VP.

Hope that works for you.

[buds]

ChiefKiasu:

Dear Francis,


It is quite clear to me that the teacher may have been put off or got a scolding from the vice principal after your initial \"complaint\" and that may have made the problem worse.

I recommend you do the following:

1. Call the teacher out for a heart-to-heart and informal talk with you and your spouse only, and not with her bosses (eg. the vice principal). It is important that during this meeting, you do not make ANY accusations, but just outline the problems you are facing. Avoid the use of the word \"YOU\" as much as possible, and just use the word \"WE\". Also, avoid the use of the words \"single out\" or \"targeted\". Appeal to her profession as an educationist. Focus on the objective, which is the welfare of your child.

For example:
\"Our son is feeling very miserable recently and has nightmares about school. When we ask him why, he tells us that he feels very stressed that he is always being punished in class. He does not really understand why he is being punished. We hope to learn more from you about his behavior in class and see if we can work together to improve his situation.\"

2. After the session, follow up immediately with a thank you note to the teacher, copied to the VP. It should contain the specific actions that both parties have agreed on to try out. This will put the teacher's mind at ease that she is dealing with reasonable folks who are not out to make life difficult for her.

3. Whenever something positive happen, eg. when your child improves, send thank you notes to the teacher and again, copy them to the VP.

Hope that works for you.

Agree.. good one here, Chief.
Hopefully the teacher can get past
the yelling to agree to have this
private talk..

Possible also that the teacher has
some personal problems...

[edanson]

Dear Francis,


I have a different point of view. Personally, I feel that base on what you have written, the teacher should be professional enough not to do such a thing to your boy. But since she had done’that’ (-personal grudges) to your boy, it means that she is not a professional teacher. Professional way of handling things will not work for this teacher than.

There is a saying " ‘Friendship’ is like a China bowl, once broken cannot make it whole. Even if you make it whole, the broken part can still be shown". The ‘Friendship’ here implies to your child’s relationship with the teacher. Even if you talk to her, there might still be some flaws around. If your child is already in P6, then probably just ask for a change of class ( hopefully he will not meet this teacher in any of the academic subjects) , if he is only in primary one, than please change school for him. Don’t let the poor boy suffer so much.

Hope my points help. All the best to you and your boy . Good Luck and take care.

[Francis]

buds:

Francis:

She was not happy that my son did not return the conent form to her for checking for change of date and thus not allow my son to attend. I approched the vice principle thus allow him to go.

Dear Francis,

Very sad to know of your plight right from your first post here...
Did you manage to send in the consent form on time to the class
teacher or did you only manage to send in consent form on the
day of event itself? ( You did not mention what kinda form so i am
simply guessing this form is for an excursion.... correct me if i am
wrong, ya... ) It is good that eventually, your son did manage to
go. I hope he did enjoy the time.

For your info, my son only fail his chinese since
the chinese teacher grap his collar n throw his bag on the floor n broke his
water bottle when he was in p2(without reason). Now he's in p5 with problem with this teacher. So far from p1 to p4 no compliant of him from p1 to p4. It all started with the consent form for Road Saftety programme for whole of p5 in this school. No rcommendation by th vice principle. She ask me a question before th end of the session. That is :- will teacher make mistake?

[Francis]

jedamum:

how old is your kid?

can consider asking the school for a change of class for the kid?

My son is 11yrs old. have ask the vice principle for a change of class, but she just look at the list n say nothing.

[Francis]

Last Thursday I have call the Principle (after another yelling) just to notify him. Surprisingly, he told me some teacher are train in this way n my son should be train to take such a training(yelling).Any teacher out there, is this so??? This morning, 6/4/09, the principle call me n told me he have talk to my son n counsel the teacher n to control her temper.Everything should be fine n school(teacher) n parent should work together for the child. My son give me another version; principle,vice principle n teacher talk to him(3 against 1) that this teacher is a good teacher(via principle) n this teacher even ask my son WHO ask him to complete 83page from the math workbook(new book as he have lost the old). She have forgotten that I have written on the new book what is the target date to completed n reply by her-ASAP. Is she telling lie??? I will wait for 1-3 week to see what is the outcome. Should I do that???

[Francis]

buds:

ChiefKiasu:

Dear Francis,


It is quite clear to me that the teacher may have been put off or got a scolding from the vice principal after your initial \"complaint\" and that may have made the problem worse.

I recommend you do the following:

1. Call the teacher out for a heart-to-heart and informal talk with you and your spouse only, and not with her bosses (eg. the vice principal). It is important that during this meeting, you do not make ANY accusations, but just outline the problems you are facing. Avoid the use of the word \"YOU\" as much as possible, and just use the word \"WE\". Also, avoid the use of the words \"single out\" or \"targeted\". Appeal to her profession as an educationist. Focus on the objective, which is the welfare of your child.

For example:
\"Our son is feeling very miserable recently and has nightmares about school. When we ask him why, he tells us that he feels very stressed that he is always being punished in class. He does not really understand why he is being punished. We hope to learn more from you about his behavior in class and see if we can work together to improve his situation.\"

2. After the session, follow up immediately with a thank you note to the teacher, copied to the VP. It should contain the specific actions that both parties have agreed on to try out. This will put the teacher's mind at ease that she is dealing with reasonable folks who are not out to make life difficult for her.

3. Whenever something positive happen, eg. when your child improves, send thank you notes to the teacher and again, copy them to the VP.

Hope that works for you.

Agree.. good one here, Chief.
Hopefully the teacher can get past
the yelling to agree to have this
private talk..

Possible also that the teacher has
some personal problems...

For your info,the problem is, teacher in this school :- they NEVER response even if you have written a note or inform the general office for the teacher to call u(no way to contact the teacher directly).

[Francis]

edanson:

Dear Francis,


I have a different point of view. Personally, I feel that base on what you have written, the teacher should be professional enough not to do such a thing to your boy. But since she had done'that' (-personal grudges) to your boy, it means that she is not a professional teacher. Professional way of handling things will not work for this teacher than.

There is a saying \" 'Friendship' is like a China bowl, once broken cannot make it whole. Even if you make it whole, the broken part can still be shown\". The 'Friendship' here implies to your child's relationship with the teacher. Even if you talk to her, there might still be some flaws around. If your child is already in P6, then probably just ask for a change of class ( hopefully he will not meet this teacher in any of the academic subjects) , if he is only in primary one, than please change school for him. Don't let the poor boy suffer so much.

Hope my points help. All the best to you and your boy . Good Luck and take care.

Thanks Edanson,this is what in my mind. But my boy is in p5 now. Some friend told me that the new school principle will ask for a reason n call the present school to find out more.What if, the present school give a negative answer???

[jedamum]

Francis:

My son is 11yrs old. have ask the vice principle for a change of class, but she just look at the list n say nothing.

Persistence is key. Give her a few days or a week to react. Then call again to request for status. Write email to her. Maybe she just need some time to sort out the logistics as sometimes classes are grouped according to abilities so she may just be pondering which class to relocate your kid.

Francis:

Last Thursday I have call the Principle (after another yelling) just to notify him. Surprisingly, he told me some teacher are train in this way n my son should be train to take such a training(yelling).Any teacher out there, is this so???

Perhaps cos your kid is already in P5. Looking back and comparing the teacher of our times, its no surprise that some 'old-school' principal feels that strict teachers are part and parcel of upper pri sch life.

Francis:

This morning, 6/4/09, the principle call me n told me he have talk to my son n counsel the teacher n to control her temper.Everything should be fine n school(teacher) n parent should work together for the child. My son give me another version; principle,vice principle n teacher talk to him(3 against 1) that this teacher is a good teacher(via principle) n this teacher even ask my son WHO ask him to complete 83page from the math workbook(new book as he have lost the old). She have forgotten that I have written on the new book what is the target date to completed n reply by her-ASAP. Is she telling lie?????? I will wait for 1-3 week to see what is the outcome. Should I do that???

A teacher need to handle a class of maybe 40? Give her the benefit of the doubt - she may just had forgotten about your note. So long your boy can explain himself, fret not.

Francis:

For your info,the problem is, teacher in this school :- they NEVER response even if you have written a note or inform the general office for the teacher to call u(no way to contact the teacher directly).

In cases like this, I like to go 'black-and-white' ie email with carbon copies to related personals - give the teacher a chance to response to the note. If she/he fails to do so, write another reminder email and cc a copy to someone else - you can just pop in another enquiry in your reminder email addressed to that 'someone else' to make it not so obvious that your carbon copy is actually to let 'that someone' know that you are facing problem with getting prompt replies from the teacher her/himself.

Francis:

Thanks Edanson,this is what in my mind. But my boy is in p5 now. Some friend told me that the new school principle will ask for a reason n call the present school to find out more.What if, the present school give a negative answer???

for transfer a P5, you have to consider that you boy would have to deal with new friends, teachers and teaching system instead of dealing with just one teacher - can both of you cope?
if it doesnt get better, maybe you can just strategise with your kid to just take extra care not to step on the teacher's feet and just get through this. gear his attention towards PSLE preparation and tell him to show his teacher (through his performance) what he is really made of.

JMHO.

[EstherTan]

I think you can consider to take some time to go down to the school and see the situation for yourself, and speak to the teacher personally. As jedamum puts it, the teacher has to handle big classes (if it’s 3 classes it’s already 120 students) she might have inadvertently lost her temper at your kid. I think the direct approach works best, and sometimes it’s not too good to listen to your child’s interpretation of it (not saying that your child would lie on purpose to you, but sometimes they don’t understand the underlying intentions of adults).


Try to talk to the other teachers as well and see if your kid responds to them differently etc. jedamum is right on her next point as well - gear your kid towards focusing on studies and try to teach him to handle the situation. As much as we’d like to, we can’t protect them forever (and there are such things as ‘bad’ teachers around). We can’t protect them, but we can teach them how to handle situations in a proper manner, as they might face such problems later.

Hope this helps…