Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[san76]

insider:

Prenuptial Agreements are yet to be common in Singapore. The latest couple that I know tying the knot has one of such.


Both in their early thirties, highly educated, each making 5 figures salary monthly. The bride is an exceptionally beautiful and intelligent woman. I ‘helped’ to chip in in the drafting of the agreement, basically touched on division of assets, custody of children (if there is any), maintenance, etc. The agreement did not go through a lawyer but was signed under witnesses like a will.

I do not know the enforceability of such prenuptial agreements in Singapore, though earlier on have read from the newspaper that some terms maybe enforceable and some are not.

Nowadays, people are getting more and more practical even in the name of love and marriage. For good or for bad...

Hi Insider,

Prenuptial agreements is a good solution as well as talk for pre-marriage couple. Everyone understood all the contents. When they are married, few years down the road, who knows what will happen. Temptation, money, stressful life...... When a relationship turn soured, no matter where it is or which part of the world. There is always desertion. When 1 party said something nasty, just 1 word, it is good enough to turn the world up side down.

No matter what, it takes both hands to clap. We as outsider, can only give them the blessing or advise they need, the rest is all up to individual to handle. Forcing them to accept eachother is also a bad thing. So, let time tell. I wish every relationship is able to go through the test of time. I saw with my eyes, at the age of 70s-wife, husband-70s too. Why are they still divorcing eachother? Wife cant even walk, even with the help of the walking equipment and a lady to support her by the arm. To be blunt, who knows what will happen tomorrow, maybe 1 go to be angel.... why is there desertion? So with whatever plans or ect..... its is still 2 person have to be strong no matter what happen.

Hope I dont offend anyone by saying this. Trust and love is the key.

[sebast]

Of cos who doesnt want a happy family with a good wife, hubby & kids.


Ya, we can only console you by saying, try to sit down & talk nicely, try to give in to each other for the sake of your family & kids. At the end of the day everybody will hope it work out for you but realistically I have see alot of friends, relatives divorce even after they claimed they tried their best in salvaging this marriage…haizzz…sad case

Why be together for the sake of being together when you clearly know you wount be happy everyday? Why dont you lead your own life, the life you want?

Love & relationship is not like what our grandfather, grandmother era already, where they married each other, happy or not happy with each other, love or no love between them, they will still stick to each other reasons being, chinese believe in losing "face" if divorce, relatives & friends will gossip, hard to find somebodyto accept them again if they are divorcee etc.

Life is short, ask yourself if thats the life you want?

[Emelyn]

san76:

It is always so sad to see this happen everyday. The one that suffer most are not the adults, its the children especially the younger ones. Very very sad thing. Why cant people treasure their marriage and just live happily ever after? Think only the older days have the golden marriage and stay together till they....... Nice ending.

Having a divorce going on within my extended family. Cousin-in-law has filed for divorce from cousin. My cousin (He) has been having affair for past 7-8 years. Apparently, all 3 kids (16, 21, 24) are aware all these years, cos they usually take over their dad's handphones and so saw all the mushy SMSes and photos. But no one dared to tell the mum. Cousin-in-law contracted Hyper-Thyroid last year but cousin didn't showed a single bit of concern. 2 yrs ago, she had a knee surgery...hubby also didn't cared a little. Basically, no love liao.

Recently, she saw evidence of hubby's adultery and confided in daughter. Daughter asked her \"what do you want to do ? Decide now.\"..... Finally, she decided to end their 20+ years of marriage. All 2 older kids supported mum's decision. She was only worried younger one wouldn't want to follow her. Young boy having lots of discipline problem, and school problems.

One night, the younger boy asked her.... \"Mum, is the thing that I hoped will never happen in my life, going to happen ?\".... he is refering to the divorce. I cried when I heard this..... cos somehow I think the boy has been behaving badly because he knew of the dad's adultery, knew of the parents' problems, and has been worried about the breakup of the family....and just somehow....\"mal-functioned\".... as a way to get away from the problem? a way to get parents' attention ?....

Feel so sad....

Now, cousin-in-law has to endure silent treatment and those \"not-talking-to-you-but-is-saying-something-very-loudly-in-the-house-which-is-meant-for-you\" kind from the in-laws and the hubby who all live in the same household.

Very sad. Everytime I talk to her...she will cry...and I will cry... They started dating during Secondary school..... so, more than 30yrs of relationship....

Don't know how to help her.......

[clarabella]

insider:

So far, came across two cases (told by husbands). These wives are nasty themselves. Trust they are under the advice of their lawyers or some friends with good legal knowledge, that they will challenge their husband to hit them (by saying or doing nasty things - “You are a useless man! I bet you dare to hit me? Come! Hit me if you dare! You coward! Blablabla…”).

Hmmm, I cannot imagine that any lawyer would advise his/her client to provoke her husband to hit her, otherwise kena counter-sued by husband, hee.

[clarabella]

insider:

But somehow certain cases can't make use of this type of 'no-u-turn' lawyers and have to turn to 流氓律师 (gangster lawyers). This is a kind of lawyer who will teach you how to bend the laws without breaking them and they are easier to talk to (coz sometimes go strictly by the law will really bring you nowhere)...

Very true... yeah sometimes there is really nothing much the law can do, but even when I know there is a 'creative' solution, I cannot open my mouth to utter a word... bosses say cannot do that wor...

[clarabella]

insider:

Simple thing like a trademark registration (not local but overseas). If die die wants to use a proper lawyer may take 5 years from date of application to date of registration. Using 流氓律师 takes about 6 months...

Haha, insider, I once received that exact same remark, some client complained, how come you tell me a few years and so-and-so says six months can settle! I wanted to tell him, then you go to so-and-so, why look for us?? :?

[buds]

Sometimes, even after divorce is finalized…

It does not necessarily end up with thee other
half being happier either. Having to adapt to
living a new life especially for older generation
it may not be too easy and can be very emotionally
challenging… and not to mention, lonely.

[clarabella]

Some useful information to know:

The court has the power to order the division of matrimonial assets at the time of/ subsequent to the grant of the decree of divorce.
When doing so, the court takes into account several factors, set out in section 112 of the Women’s Charter. (see http://statutes.agc.gov.sg/)
The list specifically refers to the extent of the contributions made by each party in money, property or work towards acquiring, improving or maintaining matrimonial assets.

The Women’s Charter also makes provision for a wife’s maintenance both during marriage and upon the grant of the decree of divorce (see s114). In determining the amount of maintenance, the court takes into account (amongst others) the standard of living enjoyed before the breakdown of the marriage, and the contributions made by each of the parties to the welfare of the family.

Insider, I think it will be prudent for your friend to keep careful records of all financial activities, e.g. family expenses, who paid what etc. Useful for the maintenance issue and division of assets, if she files for divorce one day. In divorce proceedings, things can get ugly and typically accusations fly. Without documentation, it'll be a case of her word against his word etc.

[clarabella]

Np… Insider, I think your friends are very lucky to have you to help them!

[mintcc]

Emelyn:

\"Mum, is the thing that I hoped will never happen in my life, going to happen ?\".... he is refering to the divorce. I cried when I heard this..... cos somehow I think the boy has been behaving badly because he knew of the dad's adultery, knew of the parents' problems, and has been worried about the breakup of the family....and just somehow....\"mal-functioned\".... as a way to get away from the problem? a way to get parents' attention ?....


Feel so sad....

Now, cousin-in-law has to endure silent treatment and those \"not-talking-to-you-but-is-saying-something-very-loudly-in-the-house-which-is-meant-for-you\" kind from the in-laws and the hubby who all live in the same household.

Very sad. Everytime I talk to her...she will cry...and I will cry... They started dating during Secondary school..... so, more than 30yrs of relationship....

Don't know how to help her.......

I am so sorry to hear this. I suppose the best you can do is to be her listening ear and help consel her son and help her settle into a new life. Need to let him know that mum will still love and be with him. Really don't get whu she should be enduring the silent treatment form the in-laws since her hubby is the one who have affair. The in-laws not ashamed that their son did something like this meh?