Any parents here ever felt pressurized by others?
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duriz:
Haha! Wonder why most MILs expect their DILs to be like a maid :?MMM:
Told my only son that next time, daddy will also do that to his potential girlfriends.
This reminds me of the first time DH brought me home to meet his parents. When DH went to get me a drink and left me alone with PILs: MIL asked do I cook (yes); do I like to clean (yes); do I love children (yes).
When DH was driving me home, he asked me what we talked about. I told him his Mom was interviewing for a maid :faint:
Instead of focusing on how smart, educated they are and how compatible they are with their sons, they only look at maid-like attributes.
Getting :offtopic: . Should move over to the PIL thread
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minnie2004:
I know I know...in the older generation, they can only compare such skills they have to their DIL, since DIL more educated, that cannot compare mah.... Typically people only measure what they are familiar with....then they can monitor better how well the person is doing those tasks.Haha! Wonder why most MILs expect their DILs to be like a maid :?
Instead of focusing on how smart, educated they are and how compatible they are with their sons, they only look at maid-like attributes.
Getting :offtopic: . Should move over to the PIL thread
Now moving forward in the new gen MIL, I think asking about primary schools, what PSLE results will be the trend lor..... kekekekekekekeke -
ksi:
Now moving forward in the new gen MIL, I think asking about primary schools, what PSLE results will be the trend lor..... kekekekekekekeke
heehee, that's what we will be doing to our DILs. Those potential DILs and SILs from top primary schools will be in high demand :love: . -
minnie2004:
I already told my son casually the pre-requisite of being my IDEAL dilHaha! Wonder why most MILs expect their DILs to be like a maid :?
Instead of focusing on how smart, educated they are and how compatible they are with their sons, they only look at maid-like attributes.
Getting :offtopic: . Should move over to the PIL thread subjected to changes.
Someone with strong family values (eg. those who believe in harmony and building a strong family relationship with pils, sils, etc...), educated, ability to think and operate independently (eg. not those who depend the hubby on every single thing and cannot make up their own mind/ decision), able to help and support him (in any way).
Told him not to paste stamps on his eyes. Definitely a big NO NO to girls who are asking him to buy branded stuff for them and only dreams about being a tai tai even before they are married. Told him the girl need not be beautiful. Just need to be presentable and importantly a good character.
Daddy said... .preferably a cash cow too. -
I don’t let it affect me or my ways with how I deal my ds. But I do get ideas if ever I find them to have good results. Benchmarking is also an advantage but you shouldn’t let it control you or let it be a reason to question your capabilities as parents.
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Hi
Long time since I posted.
I think just try your best and as long as you have tried to do something about it already, you don’t have to feel pressured by others.
Parenting is not an easy job, as long as you have tried to impart them with whatever knowledge you wanted to give them, the rest is up to them already.
I send them to certain places that I believed in the best of my ability would help them in the tough world of school they will face later on, as long as it is beneficial to them I will continue to tighten whatever to let them go.
Ultimately what I want them is to be independent and able to take care of themselves n other stuff like no smoking, drinking, gambling, tattoos n whatever you can think that is happening nowadays that did not went on during my time… (ha ha n so the story goes…)
Main point: life is tough enough on it’s own, don’t need to be pressured by others, in whatever u do as long as your conscience is not pricked, hey you are doing great!! Kids you can only help them so much the rest is up to them of course most important is they must be able to take care of themselves. I cannot imagine when I turn 60 or 70 and I still need to look after them… -
Feeling pressured? Definitely when dd was in primary school, each CNY gathering invariably will talk abt the kids progress, even in the office, after each midyear, finals, the qns will come fast and non-stop.
As dd moved on to sec, and me as an older (hopefully wiser) parent, we learnt to 看开了! As long as the kids and parents have done their best (even if the results aren’t much to shout about), you don’t need to explain or answer to anyone. Your conscience is crystal clear!
The comparison, of course, doesnt stop at grades. It went on to their heights, even weights, holidays, enrichment programs etc. Any chance to show off, you bet they’ll milk it for all its worth. After a while, you learn to treat it as 耳边风! Don’t let nasties affect your inner peace. Oh, and meditation and yoga helps too!
So hang in there, parents, if you’re feeling pressured by all the competitions. You’ll slowly but surely learn how not to be affected by others. -
mathsparks:
Well said Mathsparks!! :udawoman:Feeling pressured? Definitely when dd was in primary school, each CNY gathering invariably will talk abt the kids progress, even in the office, after each midyear, finals, the qns will come fast and non-stop.
As dd moved on to sec, and me as an older (hopefully wiser) parent, we learnt to 看开了! As long as the kids and parents have done their best (even if the results aren't much to shout about), you don't need to explain or answer to anyone. Your conscience is crystal clear!
The comparison, of course, doesnt stop at grades. It went on to their heights, even weights, holidays, enrichment programs etc. Any chance to show off, you bet they'll milk it for all its worth. After a while, you learn to treat it as 耳边风! Don't let nasties affect your inner peace. Oh, and meditation and yoga helps too!
So hang in there, parents, if you're feeling pressured by all the competitions. You'll slowly but surely learn how not to be affected by others.
My DD will only be in P1 next yr. Already I felt pple asking me abt DD's progress on various issues. Usually I will juz vaguely mention and distract by talking abt other less sensitive topics. -
It just occured to me....what if you are one parent that others feel pressured with simply because your kid is doing well....then how ah?
Interesting to know people on the other side too.... -
Thus far, im lucky in the sense i have 'minimal' CNY comparisons.... cos my dh will not hesitate to 'talk back' to any relatives that compares.
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