Difficult Relationship with Parents

[hapydino]

toddles:

hapydino:

i'm in this boat..


my mil wanted to help me do confinement at her place.. BUT she dun intend to take leave ie she will only be back home @ 3pm ie i will be alone till 3pm.. so i decided to diy my own confinement in the comfort of my own home cuz mil place no heater (they use a kettle to boil hot water for bath)..

my mum, on learning i'm doing confinement myself in my own place, asked it is my mil refuse to help me.. i say no its my own decision..

she say her work ends at 1pm everyday, she will drop by to help a bit here and there..

end up, no sound no picture no see her..

i did my own confinement alone.. DH took 2 weeks leave and did the cooking.. after 2 weeks, he went back on his shift work (3 days day shift off 4 days, 4 days shift off 3 days)..

was really tough for me as 1st child.. and some weeks his shift will be night ie he will be gone from 7pm to 7am and next day back he need to zzz..

that period i was really blue as baby keep crying from 1-3am and i'm all alone, walking, rocking the baby to sleep.. totally helpless..

aiyoh, you so poor thing... what was your mum's explanation? too busy? too active social life?

are you the only girl? she doesn't feel as close to you as to your brothers? or she has other grandchildren she has to look after?

Hi Toddles,

my mum didn't explain leh, and i guess i was too hurt to even ask or beg her to come over to help..

i'm the eldest.. there's 3 gals and they tried for #4 for a boy.. yes, 重男轻女 mindset..

my daughter is the 1st grandchild from both side so sometimes i tink of the kind of treatment given to her i feel v upset..

i always hear my friends / colleagues gush about grandparents fussing over their kid.. cook this cook that.. buy this buy that.. my daughter never has this treatment from both sides of grandparents..

my MIL's 'contribution' is only $24 x 2 every year.. 1 angpao during CNY and 1 angpao during her birthday (which she always forgets!!) and blame us never remind her!!

till today, 3yrs+, my MIL and mum has never bought a single thing for my daughter be it a simple colouring book, a sheet of stickers or a simple toy.. :stupid:

[toddles]

pat pat


看开点，没有也罢。 It’s their loss, not yours. In future your Dd will not be close to them and they only have themselves to blame.

never give money i can close one eye cos everyone has different financial situations, but don’t want to spend time - just reflects on them lor.

[hapydino]

toddles:

*pat pat*


看开点，没有也罢。 It's their loss, not yours. In future your Dd will not be close to them and they only have themselves to blame.

never give money i can close one eye cos everyone has different financial situations, but don't want to spend time - just reflects on them lor.

i find it is always a one way traffic.. i used to bring my mum out v frequently.. buy stuff for her.. bring her to restaurants.. i remember 1 heart felt incident where i bought 3 brand new Nokia 8250 (the in phone in those days) for my mum and 2 sisters..

less than 1 week, my dad took the phones and went to sell / trade in and got them 2nd hand phones!!

when i passed my HP to my dad to help me sell to his friend, he took commission!! even tell me 'i dun earn i eat what?'..

i was boiling cuz for 2 of the phones, i gotta sign line in exchange for the phones.. my mum even sided him and say 'phones given to us is ours mah, and dad nv do wrong, he sell but he got buy back phones for our usage!!' :stupid:

that's when i sort of woke up and realised i mean nothing in my mum's eyes.. :stupid:

she will only come to me for favours.. for $$.. when it comes to bad stuff i am first in line.. her life line.. but when comes to 'i queue 2 hours for the JayCo donuts and I gave 1 box to your uncle' and me leh?? not even 1 doughnut..

she will call say crave for tau sar piah from Far East and i will be the one to queue and buy and deliver to her home..

[toddles]

wah pardon me but why your parents so 狼心狗肺? are they really so financially strapped?


sympathise with you… anyone in your situation will feel very sad…

[hquek]

hapydino:

i find it is always a one way traffic.. i used to bring my mum out v frequently.. buy stuff for her.. bring her to restaurants..

hi hapydino,

I would feel very sad in your case too. What I can say is that your kids are learning from you. By showing care and concern to their grandparents, despite their treatment of you, I'm sure in time to come they will also show to you the same care and concern.

So take it that you are 'thanking' them for bringing you up, and giving a life lesson to your kid(s) to love one's parents.

[hapydino]

toddles:

wah pardon me but why your parents so 狼心狗肺? are they really so financially strapped?


sympathise with you... anyone in your situation will feel very sad...

er.. financially strapped yes.. 狼心狗肺 is a bit too serious..

i stopped taking $$ from them after my O levels.. i gotta work part time to pay for my daily expenses, books, notes etc.. lucky i have an aunt to pay for my tuition fees cuz my dad declared he have no means to pay for the 1st year..

i was real upset as they expect me to contribute to the household during the 6 mths i worked after O levels.. got an incident my dad say if i dun bring home $400 tat night i need not return home.. i cried real badly in the office then so my aunt helped me out.. she was the accountant of the company so i was crying away in her office..

[hapydino]

hquek:

hi hapydino,


I would feel very sad in your case too. What I can say is that your kids are learning from you. By showing care and concern to their grandparents, despite their treatment of you, I'm sure in time to come they will also show to you the same care and concern.

So take it that you are 'thanking' them for bringing you up, and giving a life lesson to your kid(s) to love one's parents.

hi hquek

to be honest, last i've seen my mum was during CNY.. she is always working.. 7 days a week.. even the off days she is free, she would rather go to her brother's place for MJ as it helps take her mind away from our messy family?

i dun really know how to open up to her at this stage nor learn how to let go and forgive and forget..

i feel, so long she is so self centered and everything is on a ME ME ME basis there is no room for us to improve our r/s..

[toddles]

But I really feel bad for you. how come they treat you like that?


I would be SO MAD if they sold the stuff i gave them and still gave me those reasons that they gave you. not to mention the come back with $400 etc etc.

haiz. i think u concentrate on your own hubby and kids now, and build your happiness from there. the more u think abt the past, or abt how they are now, the more gek sim.

[hapydino]

toddles:

But I really feel bad for you. how come they treat you like that?


I would be SO MAD if they sold the stuff i gave them and still gave me those reasons that they gave you. not to mention the come back with $400 etc etc.

haiz. i think u concentrate on your own hubby and kids now, and build your happiness from there. the more u think abt the past, or abt how they are now, the more gek sim.

Toodles, thanks..

yes, now min contact with them.. i m considered unfillial cuz the last i've seen my parents was during CNY..

i tink maybe they pretty much had a hands off approach since i'm born (i was in the care of my maternal grandparents and my parents were weekend parents till i'm 16 before i was 'fetched home for good') so maybe that explains the lack of bond..

even then when i was finally home with them at 16 yrs of age, my mum gave birth to my bro.. so after classes i will nap in the noon and do homework in the evenings after dinner.. yet i kena from my mum.. she scolded me for being inconsiderate and that i should come home after classes, do homework den evening/nite help her baby sit my brother.. i m being selfish for taking nap in the noon as tat would mean i cannot help her in the 2nd half of the day..

normal days i'm expected to help with the laundry and folding of clothes.. during weekends, if i have to go out with friends on a Sat, i will need to vacuum and mop the house.. clean both toilets before i am allowed 'release'.. and i need to be back by 8pm else hell breaks loose.. i have never had the opportunity to stay late for a BBQ or overnight for a chalet..

i've never had the chance to step into a disco / club and is 100% considered a mountain turtle to alot of people..

sundays will be worse as dad is home and i will need to wipe the window grills.. clean the windows and kitchen.. *think spring cleaning every sunday* and yet my parents are not satisfied..

the mental torture is more than i can take.. my dad will turn 'crazy' every now and then and scold and throw things and threaten to throw me out etc.. he will quarrel with my mum.. he is like a timebomb to me as i never know when he will go off so staying at home is a nightmare.. i dun even have the freedom to close my bedroom door when i sleeps..

i finally ran away from home before i turn 18..