Adversity in Life
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[Editor's note: Topic selected for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/teaching-children-handle-adversity-life.]
I think there are two ways to build a child's - a person's - capacity to handle adversity in life. Both deal with the creation of personal understanding. One must understand adversity in order to be able to deal with it.
One way is the really bad way - personal suffering. How to understand hunger and poverty? Experience it yourself. How to understand the disabled? Lose an arm yourself. How to understand death? Lose a loved one yourself.
The other way is much more desirable, but it escapes many. It's called empathy. Many people today can't handle adversity in life because, quite simply, they never cared about it before. They never thought about it. They couldn't care less if others suffered. So when they themselves suffer... they have no understanding of it at all, including how to get over it.
Empathy is about engaging one's emotional core, to be able to feel the pain of others. Sounds easy, but simple truth is very few people have good EQ.
How does one \"train\" empathy? Actually, the resources available are plentiful. The trick is to find the right one that will \"break\" your child.
What are these resources? Could be a sad story book, a movie with a sad scene, an entire tragic film, etc.
For me, the first time I broke down and cried in empathy was when I read a particular novel when I was age 12. One of the heroes died a tragic death.
For my daughter, she was 5 when she first saw Totoro (Miyazaki's film) where the elder sister breaks down in tears when she thinks her mother is going to die. Somewhat to my surprise, my girl spontaneously burst into tears during this scene.
I was actually glad something had touched her empathic core. This is important.
Many people today still think that mass media entainment, including movies, books, TV shows, are just that - entertainment. But some people know that they can be very moving. While many stories are fictional, the important thing is that they can touch people emotionally. This is valuable life experience without having to suffer yourself. Incidentally, this is also one of the values of studying literature in school, in case anyone ever wondered.
So, I would say - as soon as it's appropriate, let your child watch/read some of these. Some, like Totoro, look like harmless cartoons but in fact are incredible works of art on many levels. (However, I still refuse to watch Grave of the Fireflies, too sad.) It will teach them both the good and the tragic bits of life.
These are much better alternatives than showing your child useless scenes of violence, war, disease, politicking on the news. These will just desensitize them, and tell them that the world is a mess not worth living in. -
clarabella:
You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock: -
ks2me:
WELL! Those of you with SONS had better make sure they are not the ones buying!!! :roll:
You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?clarabella:
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock: -
ks2me:
Er, yes... but that's not all they are selling... :shock:
You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?clarabella:
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock: -
sashimi:
WELL! Those of you with SONS had better make sure they are not the ones buying!!! :roll:[/quote]Ya boy...no demand...cannot supply..
You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?ks2me:
[quote=\"clarabella\"]
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock: -
clarabella:
Er, yes... but that's not all they are selling... :shock:[/quote] :!: Oh, then you gotta educate me...cos I am now clueless..
You mean selling their \"private collections\" of their belongings?ks2me:
[quote=\"clarabella\"]
On the other hand... heard of how creative Japanese girls earn pocket money? :shock: -
mckenzy:
take away their allowance
hee actually, I think that might be a good way to practise real world skills at a certain age. Many of my ang mo classmates start working for their pocket money from their early teens ...distribute news papers, baby sitting.
having such skills built independence but I think dealing with adversity like death, illness, war are more difficult. Can't think of how we prepare for that other than instilling a positive outlook and spirit of perseverance in them -
mincy:
ya...but they also move far away from their parents after they hit 18yrs old, seldom visit and gave no allowance (even if it's token).Many of my ang mo classmates start working for their pocket money from their early teens ...distribute news papers, baby sitting.
It's a bit of different culture and family values. IMO. -
I think it really depends on the values inculcate since young. Learning how to be independent do not have to equate distance from family.
Many ang mo families have a close relationship (call and visit frequently, take care of each other, choose to live close to each other ) and many asian family can be quite disconnected and distant too. Perhaps we can absorb the positive side in training our young to be independent yet still incalcate filial piety and family values in them. -
sashimi:
(However, I still refuse to watch Grave of the Fireflies, too sad.)
Watched that only twice and refused to watch it again.
It's really tragic and it touched me so emotionally that I can't stop crying.
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