How much should I give my parents?
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Just give what you can afford. I’m sure your parents will understand if they know how much you are earning and your commitments for your own family.
I gave 20% of my pay to my parents when they look after my kid. After less all the commitments, I practically left nothing much money for savings. -
True, we should give what we can afford.
I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us nowMuffins:
:goodpost:parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....
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hquek:
Yup, I think the crux is that they are financially secure, so are not too bothered with how much you give... and they're happy to help so you're really blessed!hi KZYPmum,
I agree it should be what you can afford. And if you need to peg, try to match what you would be paying for maid (including salary and levy). In my case, I hired a maid to help them with the chores and give them some money every month for parental allowance and topped it up somemore for taking care of my kids. I would also get groceries for them whenever I have the chance.
On their part, my parents also want to make sure I'm not milked dry and do have some left becos maintaining a family with school going kids not cheap.
I'm lucky that my parents are not depending on me financially and they are willing and happy to look out for me also. -
Muffins:
parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....
nice of you to think this way, muffins. your parents are lucky / have brought u up to think the 'right' way...
however, sometimes it's not about repaying them per se, but more in terms of striking a balance between what you can afford, and what they might perceive as necesssary or fair... -
MMM:
same, same... am the only child, so no one else to 'supplement' their income... and similarly, even though we were never destitute, they live from hand to mouth and thus have hardly any savings. even their CPF balances are meagre.My mum took care of my kids when they were younger. She was a SAHM. Now that the 2 older ones are in primary school and the youngest in K1, her responsibility only lies with ferrying my K1 around for lessons.
In their case, my father has stopped working and has a very small pension after the sale of their flat. I am the only child so I am their only source of income. My parents had some savings when they sold off their flat but it's not alot type. They have been the hand to mouth type of family so don't have much savings.
I currently give them a combined of $1350 each month. My father was more like pocket money of $250 when he stopped working full time this year. My mum very much runs the family with the money. But it's mainly for both of them. I pay for their utilities and property maintanence when we bought a apartment together with them 3 yrs back. I also pay for the loan for their existing apartment. So due to that, my parents understand my financial load and hence don't expect too much from me on a monthly basis. During CNY, birthday or bonus, I would give them extras for ang pow preparation. I also pay for their annual holidays.
I feel that very much depends on your income and your parents. Eg. if they know your financial situation of having to support kids,etc... they probably don't expect much. But on the other hand, as they depend on your financially, it's difficult to stop the allowances or reduce. When the kids were younger and our income is not that high then, my mum didn't expect much. I heard some mums will compare the allowance against the childcare fees. :roll:
I suppose if my mum had the same allocation (e.g. 1000 out of 1300) she'd be happy enough. issue is I split it roughly equally since my dad has so many more bills to pay than her, but she doesn't see it that way cos he has a small pension and she only has me as an 'income source'.
it's less of the comparing against childcare fees than what comes up when there are family gatherings... then the aunties will ask (not verified but quite sure they do) how much your daughter gives you? then huh only like that ah? (without finding out how much i give my dad too, and that i pay for all their meals, and their utilities - gosh they use water and gas like free - our utilities doubled after they spent time in our house, but i can still deal with that...) -
sleepy:
not so much to 'measure' but to give an amount that meets their needs, is perceived as fair (i.e. I am not taking advantage of their kindness), and doesn't kill me financially...True, we should give what we can afford.
:goodpost:
I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us nowMuffins:
parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....
it's not easy being the sandwich generation... having to provide for parents as an only child, since they never saved for their retirement, having to provide for offspring, having to save for my own retirement such that this vicious cycle does not continue to inflict my children... -
KZYPmum:
not so much to 'measure' but to give an amount that meets their needs, is perceived as fair (i.e. I am not taking advantage of their kindness), and doesn't kill me financially...
:goodpost:sleepy:
True, we should give what we can afford.
I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us now
[quote=\"Muffins\"]parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....
[/quote]Agree. -
sleepy:
sleepy,True, we should give what we can afford.
:goodpost:
I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us nowMuffins:
parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....
although we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us now (ie even if they do 'nothing' for us now, we should still give them an allowance that we can afford), there are sometimes when some grownup children (whose children are taken care of by the grandparents) gave their aged parents what they can afford after deducting unnecessary expenditure such as, car instalments, holidays etc. some of them treat their parents as free caregivers, ie on top of monthly allowance, there was no top-ups for transport allowance or dinner allowance or childcare allowance when they place their kids under the grandparents' care; some grownup children even stay at their parent's home for free without paying rental while renting out their own flat. it is a real issue if the aged parents have no other source of income. in such instance, the real test will come when help is needed another way ie when the aged parents needed the care of their children in their golden years.
main thing about parents' allowance; give according to what you feel is best; if you can only afford a small amount and constantly feel the guilt, you will subconsciously make it up in other ways; if you give a small amount that is not proportionate to the amount of 'benefit' you taken out from your parents and do not feel the guilt, you will lose respect of your siblings in no time. -
I think it’s best for the grandparent caregiver to spell out the allowance amt before taking on the role. Then the parents can decide if they wish to hire a maid instead or send to infant care. Trust me, I would rather pay $1000 to my parents than pay a maid $400 a month. The level of care is totally different.
Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays… they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help. Also, I am extremely grateful to my parents for helping us. Their generosity will be remembered when it’s my turn to look after them.
My plan is to pay whatever my parents want for 18-20mths, then send the kid to childcare. It would be back to just the token sum after this critical period. Just bear with less unnecessary expenditure for now. Don’t feel heart pain over the extra money. It’s all for the good of your children! -
cherrygal:
Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays... they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help.
Very true. My MIL rather enjoy her Golden Years instead of helping us to take care of our DD. But we can't blame her as she has helped to take care 2 granddaughter (from my spouse sibling) already
So now we are on our own
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