In-law problems?

[cherrygal]

If your dh’s brother isn’t close to your dh, then why should he answer questions about the kids?


I wouldn’t bother to talk to him at all in this case… I also don’t want him to know too much about my kids…

Even if not the same year or gender, there is still indirect competition like who’s seen to be smarter by the grandparents. I know because my relatives are like that. Each year, my auntie would ask all the relatives how their children did for the exams… Another aunt always refused to answer her probing questions by ignoring her. Selfish? Maybe… but I think she’s not talking as she doesn’t want comparisons. Could also be due to inferiority complex.

[LOLMum]

i think another reason why they didnt want to share information is they didnt want to be held accountable for anything bad that happened. for example should they say school A is great and the relative put her kid there based on what they said and things are not the way it turned out, guess who might get the blame for giving wrong information.

[janet88]

cherrygal:

If your dh's brother isn't close to your dh, then why should he answer questions about the kids?


I wouldn't bother to talk to him at all in this case... I also don't want him to know too much about my kids...

Even if not the same year or gender, there is still indirect competition like who's seen to be smarter by the grandparents. I know because my relatives are like that. Each year, my auntie would ask all the relatives how their children did for the exams...

Same here...from young, this particular auntie will be comparing results between myself and her daughter, then later will be comparing boyfriends. Irritating !!! Fortunately now can't compare the kids bcos cousin's son is very much younger than mine.

As for hubby's brother, I was so put off by his snobbishness...possibly learnt from his wife. Asked my hubby, 'Your son's school got 100% passess for PSLE or not ? My daughter's school has it. Daughter is part of school choir. She is even busier than me now with involvement in so many school teams'. Damn chessed off by him...he wasn't like this when I first know him. Sickening.

[cherrygal]

janet_lee88:

As for hubby's brother, I was so put off by his snobbishness...possibly learnt from his wife. Asked my hubby, 'Your son's school got 100% passess for PSLE or not ? My daughter's school has it. Daughter is part of school choir. She is even busier than me now with involvement in so many school teams'. Damn chessed off by him...he wasn't like this when I first know him. Sickening.

Yes, understand what you mean. I will always remind my hubby to keep quiet or say \"dunno\" when we meet his side. DH is also not supposed to divulge too much about our kids even to his mom... coz she would tell the other son. But my son is a loudspeaker so my mil always asks him directly.

But I tend to show an unfriendly face so no one dares to ask too much. And if they do dare to say arrogant things like that, they can be sure I would reply with sarcasm. Show no mercy... hahahah

The trick to stop pple from asking about you is to counter-attack them with more questions about themselves. That usually stops the kaypoh person from probing. Tried and tested.

[janet88]

Hi cherrygal,

I’m so happy hubby has seen his brother’s true colours.
Told him I really don’t want to see his family so much because one brother & wife is troublemaker snobbish, the other is also a troublemaker, digging out old news to create problems. Can die man.

[buds]

janet_lee88:

..... I'm so happy hubby has seen his brother's true colours. Told him I really don't want to see his family so much because one brother & wife is troublemaker snobbish, the other is also a troublemaker, digging out old news to create problems. Can die man.

Just wanna know how many of you actually ..... really ...... told your
husbands the above sentence in bold and what their responses were.

Whatever colours mine has seen or pretended not to see, i know he still
sees them as family and such words will still upset him nonetheless.
Actually, if i think of it reversely.... if he said the same about my family
i will not only be upset, but extremely sad... Especially since, my
family has never given us any problems & have treated him like their
own son... my brothers treat him like their own brother. My family helps
us out with a lotta things... Some of which i sure hell know, other families
won't do or bother to go out of the way to do. At least i know his will never
do. Even if they do, too much back-talk... i don't like.

Frankly, my family has been there for us like how families should...
For better or for worse... and in fact even seen us through the worst times
in our lives. Honestly, they have done a lot and i'm sure there isn't any way
we can repay them except spend more time with them through the years with
the grandchildren... especially since they've lost lots more time with them since
we have been staying with ILs for the last number of miserable years; that
i'd rather not think about anymore. Ever.

In my opinion if one wants do something or offers to do something... it MUST be
sincere & with genuine intentions. Not for show or like no choice... almost been forced to...

Now....
with edd coming so near, i actually dread the moment when i have to face
any one of them.. especially you noe who. :roll: Either never has anything good
to say, or will come up with something sarcastic or nasty to hurt my feelings,
or just plain straightforward make me invisible. All interactions are one way
and one way only, with the son... and on off the children.

Frankly, just seeing the face spoils my entire day. Watching the \"attitude\" aura
from arrival to dismissal spoils my mood... and if i have to hear nasties.... well,
consider the entire day no matter how lovely it was will be a spoiler.

Really dunno how to approach it diplomaticly... cos i'm truly not looking forward
to getting a meltdown right after delivery. Sigh.

Mebbe i just hafta go thru the motion... just like how i had for first two...

When BIL had his 2nd bb, he said to their faces, his wifey needs complete rest.
No one should come visit her or baby until officially notified. Need pictures,
go log in Facebook.

His 1st bb? :idea:

We didn't see the 1st bb till she was quite big oredi.

[kylene]

I have told my DH point-blank that I do not want to see his parents more than once a week.


Well, it’s mainly MIL, not so much FIL but they come together in a package. Seeing her face spoils my entire day. When we wanted to send my DS to cc, she was very against it. sent my DH emails and smses telling him all the horrible things cc does to children. like "smacking the kids , giving them sweet cordial drinks , leave them to cry in a corner". went as far as to call the cc "a den of evil" ! even called my parents to tell them to stop me. when my mom told her she doesn’t interfere in how we want to raise our kid, she called my mom names then later denied it when I confronted her. She’s very extreme.

it’s been a long 2.5 years, and so many things have happened. I’ve tried reasoning but it’s no use. They’re so adamant that they’re always right. now, Í’m taking the path of least resistance which is avoidance. the less contact, the less conflict.

[janet88]

Hi kylene,

I agree with you, both of them comes in a package…so seeing her face really spoils my mood for the whole day.

Told hubby I don’t want to see them more than necessary. He is upset with what he has seen and heard but tries to ignore. My family has done a lot…more than what his family can ever do. Even visiting own son in hospital is impossible, let alone grandson. IF they do anything, the whole world will know…but what they don’t realize is that, hubby is their son and grandson bears their surname.
On top of not doing anything, I hear sickening and nasty comments when I’ve not done anything to irritate them.

Like you, I avoid them to the max…so that I won’t get upset by them. Still, I get called names :x damn it. Just thinking of a CNY reunion with them makes me sick.

[kylene]

I must say that all these problems with the inlaws started after we had a kid. Before the kid, our relationship was cordial. dinner with them once/twice a week.


After the kid, everything changed. They want us to go over to their place more often, they want to come to our place more often. They want to have a say in everything. When my DH tried to tell them we would like to raise our kid our way, there was a big wayang. MIL cried and screamed. She felt that statement meant that her way of raising DH and his sister was wrong. and of course FIL was upset too. actually FIL’s only fault is that he loves MIL too much, gives in to her all the time. and so she makes all the decisions and he gets upset if we upset her.

And mind you, our way of raising the kid is just simple things like sitting at the table during meal times, not too much tv, not too much cakes/ice cream. er, nothing extreme at all. but all too much for MIL .

[janet88]

kylene:

I must say that all these problems with the inlaws started after we had a kid. Before the kid, our relationship was cordial. dinner with them once/twice a week.


actually FIL's only fault is that he loves MIL too much, gives in to her all the time. and so she makes all the decisions and he gets upset if we upset her.

I don't know whether if he 'loves MIL too much' that he gives in, but from what I see, it's more like being henpecked. Her habit of saying '你听我说' is way too much for me to bear, bcos that is at the tip of her tongue and her favourite phrase obviously. She doesn't do her part as a grandmother but yet wants the kids to remember WHO she is. What rubbish is that?