My 6yr old son cries often and daddy is annoyed with that

[jedamum]

mom@senja:

My husband is getting increasingly frustrated with his 6yr old for crying so easily. Hubby thinks I always jump to his rescue and worsening the situation but if I don't, my son will cry longer and then my hubby will scold him and the cycle doesn't stop. Son cries, hubby scolds. Hubby scolds, son cries. Whats this thing between father and son ? :idea:

my guess is that your husband is mad at your 6yo boy for being a softie. my ds1 whines more than my ds2, is ultra sensitive and little tolerance for pain ie should there be a knock or he fall down, insensitive remarks made to him, watching upsetting shows (eg death etc), he will go 'OUCH'...boohoohoo etc etc. this could be his nature or that he is trying to get my attention to attend to him (could be a 'habit' already cos when he is younger, only grandson/son, we'll rush to him whenever he fell down). at 8yo, dh is still annoyed at ds1 for being a softie, and i had reminded ds1 to watch his behaviour and play down his 'pain/emotions' when his dad is around.....he can then talk to me about it when we chat during bedtime.
i had to also remind dh that aside from this character traits, ds1 is generally a well behaved and matured boy, so you win some, you lose some.

[cnimed]

ya I think dads want their boys to be tough, or sporty etc. Crying over small things are big no-nos for dads. It’s the same in our house.


Maybe see if you can observe a pattern and preempt them. The best is to step in before it escalates into crying. For us, the boys usually need some snacks, while dad needs coffee. After that everyone’s tolerance level goes up.
It’s very hard to step in in the middle of a shouting match and that can create more tension between you and your spouse. Either step in before it erupts, or don’t do anything until it’s over.

[cherrygal]

My ds is also 6yo and cries when we yell at him for not doing his work properly or when he eats like a snail. He also cries when he is woken up from his nap, or when we take away privileges for his naughty behavior.


I ignore his crying except when he injures himself.

He understands that crying gets him nothing with me but he knows who he can cry to. He cries more often at my in-laws as they spoil him.

[markfch]

I'm so glad to stumble upon this thread. So I'm not alone in this. My 6 yr old ds is super duper cry baby kind. DW always whispered under her breath that he cries more than girls :roll: . I don't even have to shout or say anything angry. Sometimes just the faintest remark and he'll shed tears and say that I hurt his feelings :faint: .


Later I realised that ds is the super sensitive but fairly perceptive & sentimental kind. For instance he can inherently deduce the mood that I'm in based on subtle differences in words and behaviour. And he'll try to console me if he thinks that I'm down. Once he even got upset when his good friends fought in kindy. I've accepted this trait as part of ds's personality. He just more 'feely' than most boys. That's ok to me, as long as he's not girlie. :lol:

On the plus side, the 2 biggest 哭包 I knew in my childhood ended up doing very well in their studies.

[1littlegal]

On the plus side, the 2 biggest 哭包 I knew in my childhood ended up doing very well in their studies.


I seriously hope this is true!

DD next year 8 is super sensitive & sentimental kind! We can’t even comment others are better. She would just cry nonstop, and then u explains to her she cry even louder and longer. She claims that we hurt her feeling! And question us back why we never say her clever or good? She just cried over nothing!!!!! DH and I sometime get v frustrated with this! :x Sometime we are just trying to ask her option, and she jump into conclusion and started crying!!!! :stupid: :?:

[markfch]

1littlegal:

DD next year 8 is super sensitive & sentimental kind! We can’t even comment others are better. She would just cry nonstop, and then u explains to her she cry even louder and longer.

My ds openly tells me which kids are better than him in kindy. So he's not so competitive, just sensitive in nature. Anyway, I don't compare him with other kids especially in front of him as I feel that he can do w/o the unneccessary pressure.

For your case, do you think there's a diff if you compliment someone (eg Rose is good in drawing) vs comparison with your dd (Rose is better at drawing)?

[1littlegal]

markfch:

1littlegal:

DD next year 8 is super sensitive & sentimental kind! We can’t even comment others are better. She would just cry nonstop, and then u explains to her she cry even louder and longer.

My ds openly tells me which kids are better than him in kindy. So he's not so competitive, just sensitive in nature. Anyway, I don't compare him with other kids especially in front of him as I feel that he can do w/o the unneccessary pressure.

For your case, do you think there's a diff if you compliment someone (eg Rose is good in drawing) vs comparison with your dd (Rose is better at drawing)?

Once she told me , A pri 2 gal doing ballet grade 4. My reaction was WOW, she must be good in her ballet. Then she started to cry.. :stupid: then she started asking why u always say other pple is good, never say me is good! :clubmyself:

[jedamum]

1littlegal:

Once she told me , A pri 2 gal doing ballet grade 4. My reaction was WOW, she must be good in her ballet. Then she started to cry.. :stupid: then she started asking why u always say other pple is good, never say me is good! :clubmyself:

reading in between the lines. my ds1 also like that. :roll:

[worryfather]

mom@senja:

My husband is getting increasingly frustrated with his 6yr old for crying so easily. Hubby thinks I always jump to his rescue and worsening the situation but if I don't, my son will cry longer and then my hubby will scold him and the cycle doesn't stop. Son cries, hubby scolds. Hubby scolds, son cries. Whats this thing between father and son ? :idea:

Hi,

I think you need to see why your son cries so easily.

If it is due to over-sensitive, then I think it is fine. You can console him and tell your husband that it is your DS's character.

But if he cries because he wants to get/do something, then you should let him calm down and then talk to him.
I agree with what mrswongtuition.
I think there is a thread about kids throwing tantrums and how the parents here use 'naughty corner' or 'thinking corner' to let them calm down before talking to them.
Some of the kids cried for 45 minutes or more or even vomit.

If every time he cries (wanted to get something), and you jump to his defence or give in to him, he will think you APPROVED his crying behaviour. So, he will think it is alright for him to cry/whine whenever he wants something.

So, whenever he cries cause he wants something, you two should ignore him. ask your hubby no need to scold him too.
You need to DISAPPROVE what he is doing. He will learn and cry less.

Hope it helps.

[fawnfawn]

when I was a kid i would cry while being punished because my father saw tears as a 'sign of repentance' and 'not crying' as defiance so crying was a way to lessen the punishment. Gradually it became a conditioned reflex to cry when being scolded :roll: