Asian Mums are more SUPERIOR?

[Chenonceau]

tamarind:

My next door neighbour, a mainland Chinese mother, often beats her 5 year old son when teaching him. I have another neighbour, a Myanmar family, and the mother also regularly canes her teenage son when teaching him.

This is awful. Yucks.

[tamarind]

insider,

I will advise parents to use that method only if the child fails most subjects. For a child with average ability, then getting Bs or Cs are good enough. He will still get a degree or a diploma.

I know many students who may be thrown out of poly without a diploma because they failed too many times, but they still didn’t care. I taught them before and I know very well that they are actually quite smart. These are the students who need to experience hunger, unless they have parents who are rich enough to support them for their entire lives.

[Mrsbongz]

I am not surprised to read articles like dat, having met some mainland chinese friends n colleagues like dat.. yes they have good results, but very often, they have not much else to b proud off.. they can't adapt well beyond their own community sometimes and I feel sad for them, when they tell me they don have fond memories of their childhood.. that it was spend trying very hard to live up to their parents' expectation..


As a mother, I do recognise that yes, a child should be taught to reach it's fullest potential, but i also believe that every child is different. not everyone can be good at their studies, and it doesn't mean that people in lower paying jobs had bad parents..

It's no wonder that China is actually contemplating a law for children to visit their parents.. But I think not all mainland parents are like this.. it's prob a culture thing among a percentage of the population.. just like not every singaporean is kiasu..

[tamarind]

Mrsbongz:

As a mother, I do recognise that yes, a child should be taught to reach it's fullest potential, but i also believe that every child is different. not everyone can be good at their studies, and it doesn't mean that people in lower paying jobs had bad parents..

Actually, in Singapore, so long as you have a degree or a diploma, you can live quite comfortably. There is no need to get perfect scores in order to own a car, employ a maid, and go on overseas trips every year

[hquek]

tamarind:

Actually, in Singapore, so long as you have a degree or a diploma, you can live quite comfortably. There is no need to get perfect scores in order to own a car, employ a maid, and go on overseas trips every year

In that I beg to differ, having a degree is just a way of opening doors. Some people who have very good results are not able to perform well in work. So having a degree may not guarantee one a good life - though it'll make things easier.

I've seen many pp with diplomas (or even less) who are doing super well. Then again, these pp are already working and in/past their prime, perhaps in THOSE days, it's doable.

[corneyAmber]

The article is written to create an impact and sensationalise as some has mentioned earlier.


In reality, there are many factors to consider. A reader cannot take everything written as biblical and try to emulate, it would be risky. First thing first to me is to look at the child and understand what the child is capable of. To me, whatever method to be used on a child is very much dependent on a child’s potential and that means spending quality time with a child to figure that out is even more critical than trying to apply methods. I think most parents spend alot of time driving their own agenda which is why some make it and some don’t. Those who make it are fortunately having children who have the potential to be trained whereas those who failed have children without that potential. In many things, we always have to look at the various sides, it would be simplistic just to look at parental approach alone without looking at the child first. Once we do that, we will also exercise moderation and not venture into extreme practices.

This author is lucky to have 2 kids with IQ above 150 so this is not where the general benchmark lies and can potentially backfire if not applied correctly.

[Pen88n]

I do not think it is right to say that this is the approach that differentiates Chinese mums from their US / Europe counterparts. I’ve seen other Chinese mums using "softer" and effective approach. For those who can read Chinese books, a very good parenting book is 好妈妈胜过好老师. The mum uses such effective method, yet respect the kid as an individual. This should be the type of parent-kid relationship to emulate.

[tamarind]

Pen88n:

I do not think it is right to say that this is the approach that differentiates Chinese mums from their US / Europe counterparts. I've seen other Chinese mums using \"softer\" and effective approach. For those who can read Chinese books, a very good parenting book is 好妈妈胜过好老师. The mum uses such effective method, yet respect the kid as an individual. This should be the type of parent-kid relationship to emulate.

I have read 好妈妈胜过好老师 too, and I highly recommend it. It is currently one of the best selling parenting books in China.

Amy Chua's tiger mother parenting style is outdated already, and should not be representative of all Chinese mothers.

[tamarind]

hquek:

tamarind:

Actually, in Singapore, so long as you have a degree or a diploma, you can live quite comfortably. There is no need to get perfect scores in order to own a car, employ a maid, and go on overseas trips every year

In that I beg to differ, having a degree is just a way of opening doors. Some people who have very good results are not able to perform well in work. So having a degree may not guarantee one a good life - though it'll make things easier.

I've seen many pp with diplomas (or even less) who are doing super well. Then again, these pp are already working and in/past their prime, perhaps in THOSE days, it's doable.

I guess it depends on individual expectations. Many people think that a good life means staying in landed property, carrying LV bags, driving European cars, etc.

But there are many people living in HDB flats and own a Japanese/Korean car, have a maid, and can afford luxury holidays overseas every year. I think these people are living quite a good life too So long as you have a degree, and you are willing to take up any job for degree holders, then it is very easy to achieve this life.

In fact, my hubby scored all Ds at A levels, he still could get into Engineering in NUS and get a degree

[Funz]

Well I confess, I have done some of the stuff that the author has done in the course of getting DD to do some stuff. I have threatened to or even taken away some of her toys or favourite activities. I have refused her water and toilet time before (how often does a kid need to pee and drink in 30mins?) and I have also screamed and yelled at her before.


Thing is I don’t expect full marks all the time and piano practice is only 30 mins and we are talking about only red river valley and the likes of indian tom tom.

I agree with ksi we need to look not only at the parent but also at the child and that piece is written with some level sensationalisation to get people to react.

With DD, I know her capabilities. I also know her weaknesses. She is one girl who will take advantage of every opportunity to turn things in her favour. If we are lax and seem understanding towards her mediocre results (I am referring to mediocre base on what she is capable of getting), she will take it that it is ok and not bother to put in any effort. Soft words of encouragements will not spur her on to do better. While we do not stoop to attacking her self esteem we will make it very clear to her that this kind of results is not acceptable, that we are disappointed and we believe she is capable of much more and we expect more. She will have to reflect on why her results are poorer then expected and tell us how she intends to improve. If this were to continue, then privileges will definitely be removed.

With DS it is a different ballgame. If we are too harsh on him, he blanks out. So with DS we have to use a softer approach. He is at times too much of a perfectionist that we have to tell him to relax and stop erasing and re-writing something over and over again cos it is not aligned. Something which we cannot tell DD as she will give us really slipshod work.

After getting her results last year, DD came to me and thanked me for drilling her and making her do piece and piece of math paper. She told me she finds it tedious though not difficult, when I pushed her to do it but she loved the results she got and she loved it even more when everybody praised her and rewarded her for the results she obtained. She just wished she can get that kind of results without having to put in additional effort. I told her so do I but what are the chances of that? She just chuckled. And knowing her, I will still have to nag, scold, threaten her just so she will put in some effort in her work.

DD & DS are still young, only in P2 and K2. I hope they can develop the right attitude towards their studies. As for additional activities like piano, etc, they hankered for it so I gave them the opportunity. And since they asked for it, they have to continue with it. I don’t want them to have the habit of starting something and dropping it just when the going gets tough.

Though I do not fully subscribe to what the author has written. But I do believe that there are some merits to how the Chinese parents raise their children more so then the purported western method.