Asian Mums are more SUPERIOR?
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Sharing this very good article, written by a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents in the USA :
http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229jean hsu:
I believe that many parents in Singapore are making the same mistake.Chinese parents who demand the highest grades from their children at any cost are sadly doing them a great disservice. While it may result in short-term \"success,\" that mentality makes it incredibly difficult for them to find something they really love.
Amy Chua's kids are still young. They still have much of high school and college left, not to mention the rest of their lives. While I wish them the best, I cannot help but think of Chinese classmates who had stereotypically strict parents, but partied too hard in college and haven't really found anything they find fulfilling. I truly believe that many in my generation of ABCs (American born Chinese) lack drive--with parents that watch them do their homework and write their college application essays, they never had to make any hard decisions for themselves. Many are too cautious to take big risks, and instead find themselves stuck in unsatisfying jobs. While trying to give them an academic advantage, these parents are really stunting their personal and social development. Good grades, hard work and discipline can get you far in life, but it that's all you have and you lack social skills and initiative, you are sorely limited in what you can do. -
2ppaamm:
I agree. I think this is not only a problem with Singaporeans. I am now teaching a class of over 60 young adults from mainland China, all of them about 20 years old, clever and very hardworking. But when I asked them create something using only paper and paper clips, I am surprised at the lack of imagination and originality.
er. I agree. Like a typical Singaporean smart but no initiative or lack creativity.ExpatMom:
Her kids may go to great schools and be able to play the piano beautifully... but I'm willing to bet they will never be able to write their own music or come up with their own ideas.
A strict life that disregards and stifles a person's passion will only give you children who are very good at following rules, but not good at innovating or creating new ideas. -
chamonix:
For some kids, it''ll be \"Phew! No yucky oysters tonight!. What shall we get up to next so we can avoid eating pate.\"
We can certainly use some creativity in our threats. Just threatened my kids that if they cannot perfect their songs, no oysters for them.mrswongtuition:
I think the most important lesson to learn from this as a parent:
Pick up the good (inforcing discipline in our kids) and remembering not to use the bad (using dinner as threat).
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tamarind:
I am a mother with 3 young children, and my youngest is still in the Terrible Twos stage. I enjoy reading postings in this thread, particularly from some admirable mothers here. I might not be the most experienced parent to comment here but I would still love to share a few of my own observations from other people's kids. I agree that strict and anal retentive parenting will result in negative effects in the kids. I had seen kids rebelling against this set of parents. However, this could also be that the parents had tagged recognition with perfectionistic results. Both parents and kids had become prisoners of their own perfect expectations, thus resulting in their lack of social skills because they had become self-conscious. They had lost the perspective of successes and failures.Sharing this very good article, written by a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents in the USA :
I believe that many parents in Singapore are making the same mistake.
http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229jean hsu:
Chinese parents who demand the highest grades from their children at any cost are sadly doing them a great disservice. While it may result in short-term \"success,\" that mentality makes it incredibly difficult for them to find something they really love.
Amy Chua's kids are still young. They still have much of high school and college left, not to mention the rest of their lives. While I wish them the best, I cannot help but think of Chinese classmates who had stereotypically strict parents, but partied too hard in college and haven't really found anything they find fulfilling. I truly believe that many in my generation of ABCs (American born Chinese) lack drive--with parents that watch them do their homework and write their college application essays, they never had to make any hard decisions for themselves. Many are too cautious to take big risks, and instead find themselves stuck in unsatisfying jobs. While trying to give them an academic advantage, these parents are really stunting their personal and social development. Good grades, hard work and discipline can get you far in life, but it that's all you have and you lack social skills and initiative, you are sorely limited in what you can do.
On the other hand, I had taught many high-ability kids before. They are now in their twenties and still in contact with me. From what I had observed, these students, with PSLE scores of above 270, ended up well in their respective courses. Socially, they are thriving as well, much better than myself when I was their age. They are forever busy with social activities, yet coping excellently academically. These kids have parents who had high expectations when they were still in their primary school days. I met their parents personally during the PTMs. I know how much work the kids had to do at home because they wrote notes to share with me about their busy home schedules. Still, many of them are proud of their own parents, even now, which could only mean that their parents must have done something right.
As parents, we can provide activities and a structure at home such that our kids develop enthusiasm, inner resources for doing things. What keeps them going? Often, it's the relationships that inspire them. When they are still young, we build bridges, a relationship of trust and love; when they reach their teenage years, we build a common ground, a connection for both parents and child to understand one another, yet respecting one another's privacy; when they reach adulthood, we build faith, so that they know any crisis can be overcome, an inner strength of resilience. It all boils down to open, positive communication, upbringing and striking a balance.
Thus, all hope is not lost.
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jtoh:
For some kids, it''ll be \"Phew! No yucky oysters tonight!. What shall we get up to next so we can avoid eating pate.\"
We can certainly use some creativity in our threats. Just threatened my kids that if they cannot perfect their songs, no oysters for them.chamonix:
[quote=\"mrswongtuition\"]I think the most important lesson to learn from this as a parent:
Pick up the good (inforcing discipline in our kids) and remembering not to use the bad (using dinner as threat).[/quote]Oysters?! The raw ones on ice with a squeeze of lemon and plenty of sea juice + pain de campagne? I wanna be your kid!!
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E3:
I am a mother with 3 young children, and my youngest is still in the Terrible Twos stage. I enjoy reading postings in this thread, particularly from some admirable mothers here. I might not be the most experienced parent to comment here but I would still love to share a few of my own observations from other people's kids. I agree that strict and anal retentive parenting will result in negative effects in the kids. I had seen kids rebelling against this set of parents. However, this could also be that the parents had tagged recognition with perfectionistic results. Both parents and kids had become prisoners of their own perfect expectations, thus resulting in their lack of social skills because they had become self-conscious. They had lost the perspective of successes and failures.
I believe that many parents in Singapore are making the same mistake.tamarind:
Sharing this very good article, written by a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents in the USA :
http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229[quote=\"jean hsu\"]Chinese parents who demand the highest grades from their children at any cost are sadly doing them a great disservice. While it may result in short-term \"success,\" that mentality makes it incredibly difficult for them to find something they really love.
Amy Chua's kids are still young. They still have much of high school and college left, not to mention the rest of their lives. While I wish them the best, I cannot help but think of Chinese classmates who had stereotypically strict parents, but partied too hard in college and haven't really found anything they find fulfilling. I truly believe that many in my generation of ABCs (American born Chinese) lack drive--with parents that watch them do their homework and write their college application essays, they never had to make any hard decisions for themselves. Many are too cautious to take big risks, and instead find themselves stuck in unsatisfying jobs. While trying to give them an academic advantage, these parents are really stunting their personal and social development. Good grades, hard work and discipline can get you far in life, but it that's all you have and you lack social skills and initiative, you are sorely limited in what you can do.
On the other hand, I had taught many high-ability kids before. They are now in their twenties and still in contact with me. From what I had observed, these students, with PSLE scores of above 270, ended up well in their respective courses. Socially, they are thriving as well, much better than myself when I was their age. They are forever busy with social activities, yet coping excellently academically. These kids have parents who had high expectations when they were still in their primary school days. I met their parents personally during the PTMs. I know how much work the kids had to do at home because they wrote notes to share with me about their busy home schedules. Still, many of them are proud of their own parents, even now, which could only mean that their parents must have done something right.
As parents, we can provide activities and a structure at home such that our kids develop enthusiasm, inner resources for doing things. What keeps them going? Often, it's the relationships that inspire them. When they are still young, we build bridges, a relationship of trust and love; when they reach their teenage years, we build a common ground, a connection for both parents and child to understand one another, yet respecting one another's privacy; when they reach adulthood, we build faith, so that they know any crisis can be overcome, an inner strength of resilience. It all boils down to open, positive communication, upbringing and striking a balance.
Thus, all hope is not lost.[/quote] :goodpost:
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tamarind:
Teehee! All parents make 'em... and boy... do we make 'em!!Sharing this very good article, written by a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents in the USA :
I believe that many parents in Singapore are making the same mistake.
http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229jean hsu:
Chinese parents who demand the highest grades from their children at any cost are sadly doing them a great disservice. While it may result in short-term \"success,\" that mentality makes it incredibly difficult for them to find something they really love.
Amy Chua's kids are still young. They still have much of high school and college left, not to mention the rest of their lives. While I wish them the best, I cannot help but think of Chinese classmates who had stereotypically strict parents, but partied too hard in college and haven't really found anything they find fulfilling. I truly believe that many in my generation of ABCs (American born Chinese) lack drive--with parents that watch them do their homework and write their college application essays, they never had to make any hard decisions for themselves. Many are too cautious to take big risks, and instead find themselves stuck in unsatisfying jobs. While trying to give them an academic advantage, these parents are really stunting their personal and social development. Good grades, hard work and discipline can get you far in life, but it that's all you have and you lack social skills and initiative, you are sorely limited in what you can do. -
insider:
:goodpost:I am a firm believer of kids arrive to this world with their own nature in terms of intelligence, EQ, temperament, etc. These genetic make up more or less decide 80% of what they can or will be.
'High Wisdom' Kids - don't need to do much to them but they know what to do and they can do it. Bloom with minimal or no guidance.
'Mid-High kids' - may need to do a lot to them to make them know what they need to do and they can do it. Bloom with high guidance.
'Average Wisdom' kids - may do a lot to them and they may appear to be what you want them to be in the short term but will revert back to be themselves at later part of lives. Semi-bloom with high guidance.
'Low Wisdom' kids - may do a lot to them but they are still themselves. Doesn't bloom with high guidance.
Most kids belong to the average wisdom group and so they may suffer more like what mentioned in the article quoted by Tamarind.
If one intends to parent the last group of kids with iron fists, it will likely to end up in disasters...
The level of 'wisdom' of each group may dictate success but not happiness. Happiness of each is the part that parents need to build for them to see who they are when they were young (to accept and love themselves and move forward with a 'self' intact instead of 'detached').
Think nothing is more painful for a human when he/she grows up and realise that he/she cannot be himself/herself but is living in another person's shadow... -
Fantastic post E3. If only Kiasu forum has a ‘like’ button like the one on Facebook.
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Lock:
Fantastic post E3. If only Kiasu forum has a 'like' button like the one on Facebook.
Haha. Thanks, Lock and Chenonceau. I am encouraged. I make a lot of mistakes in my parenting. I think teaching other's kids is easier. My poor dd1 bore the brunt of my on-the-training-parenting, cos by the time dd2 came along, I had more or less learnt from my mistakes and found my guts to have dd3. Haha. Of course, I can't be perfect and I am still diligently learning from the parents here. :celebrate:
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