In-law problems?

[MLR]

winth:

DH said I did the right thing bec I shouldn't never 'teach them to out-smart or out-talk us' by correcting/arguing with people of such intelligence/EQ level. If not, next time their attack level increase.

I do agree with your DH about this. My sis's ILs are just as bad or sometimes worst. My sis is the type that is 心直口快, so sometimes she shoot b4 thinking and ended up quarreling with her DH becos of it. I always told her that its not worth quarreling with DH becos of ILs.

Just treat them transparent lah, they are not worth your time and blood pressure. My words to my sis, hopefully works for you too: You are more than what you think of yourself, so don't lower yourself to their level. She now learns how to make jokes out of their sometimes ridiculous behaviour. :celebrate:

[winth]

MLR:

I do agree with your DH about this. My sis's ILs are just as bad or sometimes worst. My sis is the type that is 心直口快, so sometimes she shoot b4 thinking and ended up quarreling with her DH becos of it. I always told her that its not worth quarreling with DH becos of ILs.


Just treat them transparent lah, they are not worth your time and blood pressure. My words to my sis, hopefully works for you too: You are more than what you think of yourself, so don't lower yourself to their level. She now learns how to make jokes out of their sometimes ridiculous behaviour. :celebrate:

Yup. My character very similiar to your sis - 心直口快 type. Learnt to keep my mouth shut to avoid conflicts with DH.
Though angry, DH feels sad for his sis as well... that she doesn't know what is in store for her (err... I read faces quite well).

[3Boys]

Actually when I read through this thread, its like reading through some teenagers forum where the kids are slamming their parents for not being "understanding", or "cruel" or "old fashioned". Say what you like, most of us will be PILs someday, coming from a different culture and mindset of our children and their spouses. Likewise, we can hardly expect our PILs to share our types of values and views of the world. Instead of asking for the PILs to understand us, how about the reverse?


Fundamentally, I believe

1)PILs have the interest of their child (your spouse) and their grandchildren at heart, even if they don’t give 2 shakes about you (and usually, even if they don’t get along with you they typically feel conflicted about that).

2) Parents/PILs have the right to live their lives as they wish.

If there is one thing true about humans, is that we judge ourselves by our ideals, and judge others by their actions. I.e., whilst its easy to say "If I were them, this is what I’d do", the reality may be quite different, and we are likely to be as vexing to our future SIL/DIL as our PILs are to us now. We may complain that our parents/PILs are unwilling to help out, but hey, they’ve done their time, and in a period when it was probably much harder to get external help. I take whatever I can get, if they aren’t available, I compromise. Compromise may mean someone needs to quit their job, take on a maid, etc.

I think we need to be reasonable here, and if there is anything being parents has taught us, its got to be that there are always two sides to a coin.

[buds hubs]

buds:

winth:

wow... hopefully DH doesn't come find me here with all our stories in public forum chat. if not I sure kanna strangled to death.

Me three!!
Heheheh..

I am totally lost for words after reading all these post about PILs... especially from buds.

:x :x :x :x :x :x

[ZacK]

buds hubs:

buds:

[quote=\"winth\"]wow... hopefully DH doesn't come find me here with all our stories in public forum chat. if not I sure kanna strangled to death.

Me three!!
Heheheh..

I am totally lost for words after reading all these post about PILs... especially from buds.

:x :x :x :x :x :x[/quote]Oops buds... I'll be for you

[buds]

Hehee.. :lol: Thanks.


Do i need it? :idea:


The i mean...

[ZacK]

buds:

Hehee.. :lol: Thanks.


Do i need it? :idea:


The i mean...

Oh I forgot... I suppose you just need to make his knees weak yet again... and then he'll be wondering why was he angry in the first place :celebrate:

[buds]

There you go...


You know me too well already.
So mebbe i'm getting too predictive.
Aniwaes i'm ok with him reading...
They aren't made up stories. All
truth and nothing but the truth, sir.

And plus, if one reads the posts properly
they were more on sharing experiences
(past experiences...) for others to realise
that there will be others with bigger problems
with their PIL's than oneself. And hopefully, it
will seem petty enuf to brush it off and sleep
on it. It helps to talk it out, in my opinion. This
thread, i suppose was just started to bitch lor...
Hehee.. So, no harm intended...

Better let it out than suddenly, news arrives of
a depressed DIL/Son IL jumpin off from top floor!

:!: YIKES!

Besides, i have yet to say it all
if i reali wanted to.. :shock:
Those posted were already the
reali tame ones hor... :roll:

In aniwaes, like i mentioned before i'm doin pretty
good with my PIL's for already quite some time now
and just hopes it stays that way..

:xedfingers:

I know i may not be the best DIL, but at least
i do know for sure i DID my darnest best..

[googaga]

Hi all, interesting to read the many entries here... here's my story:


My PILs are divorced. So means for every visit we make to our parents, it has to be x3 (my parents, my FIL, my MIL), and mind you, it gets really stressful whenever it's CNY cos means got to eat 3x reunion dnr and must be same day. Hence, i always makes excuses to be overseas but then... no use, come back still got to \"make up\" for it! Sigh.. actually my MIL is not too bad.. just that she's so crazy for granddaughters that she even called my younger son (then only 6 months old) \"gal gal\"! Oh my! 6 months have passed and she hasn't got it rt. What makes me mad is she always pin point that both my sons' hair are not like their dad's - so thick and nice, etc.. but more like mine, not luxuriant at all. Aargh... that's why i never never let her cut my sons' hair at all even though she's a hairdresser. But recently, i relented and let her cut my younger one, then she start all her \"hair\" story again. Made so many negative remarks as she cuts that it really made my blood boil.. initially i just smile and hope she would stop but she just goes on and on ... Wa, i so so mad... then i retorted saying, actually i'm glad theirs are like mine, cos i dun like hb's, the back no matter how u cut, also not nice. Wa biang, she said i dunno a thing... say my sons' hairline not nice la... wa, that's the last straw man.. i retorted again and maintained that hb's is real ugly! I'm rude ya... but that's cos i've bottled it up for almost 6 yrs alr.. can you imagine, each time u visit, this kind of topic will strike? Occupational hazard!

Otherwise, she would be offering biscuits(real salty kind) and horlick drink (i've never allowed my kids to drink such beverage cos it's very heaty) to them despite having told her so many times that they react badly to them, will fall sick, cough etc.. After tempting my kids, if i still disallow them to drink then there'll be a \"show\" to watch.(my kids sure kick up a big fuss) Most recent(same day as the abv haircut issue) is upon reaching, we alr told her that they're having a cough and yet, she still take out ICE-CREAM and want to offer to them.. my eyes almost pop out!!! \"Show\" starts again... tiring man! Last time told her cough cannot take citrus fruits, she dun believe also insist on giving them oranges, etc.. really dun understand why is she like that. Stubborn. So the verdict is, i reduced the no. of visits to a few times a yr only so i'll not be upset.. can be counted on fingertips! Bad DIL me..

Oh ya, she also never talk directly to me one, always pass messages to my hb even when i'm just in front of her. I say hello or goodbye to her also never acknowledge at all.

I guess now with kids, i get bolder and will defy her requests. In the past, i just close one eye and both ears..

And since my PILs are staying separately, the issue of asking one of them to stay with us is always on hb's mind. My stand is as long as they are still strong and able, we shld just remain status quo else sure no harmony at home. Well, am i bad? Sometimes i feel guilty for behaving this way

Thanks for hearing me out!

[buds]

I've been there and done that with all the bottling...

The bottle not big enuf liao! Wuakakakaah! :lol:

Hey, dun wori... Just told ya, tis' the place to bitch..
So hope you feel better letting your heart out.

I hear ya, girl.

Take care.. :love: