Toddler not participating in class

[kylene]

Hi Gweichan,


my son is a little like your girl. He is able to tell me a little of what happens in school because he does watches while all the activities are being carried out. Just doesn’t say a word, except for I dont want when asked to participate.

His school is half montessori so the teachers report that he refuses to do the Montessori activities.

[gweichan]

I think so too. Maybe just give your son more time if you decide not to pull him out from the school. My girl will just do activities on her own, not with group but under the instructions of teachers, like colouring, lego, craft work (what she prefers to do alone).


Maybe your son is like my gal, emotionally not ready. So we just give them the support and encourage them.

[pingsped]

If he’s not crying & both of you are comfortable with the teachers, it’s better not to change.


Cos it’ll be more stressful for him in another new school if the teachers are unable to engage him for whatever reason. Small classrooms and class sizes are less intimidating for young kids.

Sensitive kids usu take a longer time or abt 4-6 mth of daily school to adapt to a new place.

[kylene]

Hi,


I wouldn’t mind so much if my son does activities by himself. However, I’m concerned that he does not want to participate in activities at all. eg colouring, Montessori hands-on activities. Is that also part of the adjustment period?

Speaking about sensitive kids, I think my son does seem to be the senstive sort. He would complain about the water temperature when we shower him, it has to be "just-right" . and he complains about labels in his clothes too!

[kylene]

gweichan:

My girl will just do activities on her own, not with group but under the instructions of teachers, like colouring, lego, craft work (what she prefers to do alone).

Does your girl sit away from the group? So the teachers will attend to her separately? I don't think my son's cc's teachers do that

[gweichan]

My gal sits together with other kids but does the activities alone. If it’s time for playground, she usually stands away and watches her classmates play.


Now, the teachers say she will join in for all activities. It really takes time for her and according to the teachers, there are 5 kids who also did not speak when they joined in July last year and it’s common. Experienced teachers will know how to handle them.

My gal is very sensitive too. She also complains the temperature of the water (too hot or too cold when it’s already just ok). She dislikes labels on clothes too and makes me cut them away. Also, she needs to grab her hanky or a tissue paper when she sleeps and if you take it away, she will know it.

[Wan]

Every child learns differently. My son was an observer. He’s very kiasi & will observe until he is comfortable to join in. As he is the eldest, he didn’t mix around with other kids until he start nursery. Naturally, he doesn’t know how to interact with children his age. This doesn’t mean he did not learn in school. In fact, he observed & listened before he started to speak in English within 3 mths (we speak mandarin with him at home).


With this exp, I made an effort to expose his younger sis to other kids. Of course, with big bro & a new cousin at home, meimei has the advantage with a role model & a younger kid to "share". It was not difficult for her to "participate actively" in sch within a mth.

My point is, assess the strength & weakness of the child. As parents, we need to do our part at home to encourage our children to learn at a comfortable & natural pace. No 2 children are the same, even siblings. Perseverence is key. Just my 2c worth…

[gweichan]

Ya agree with Wan. Every child is different. Do what you can to help your child since you know him the best. Work with the teachers, give yourself a time line and check his performance. I think your son’s effort and yours will be paid off.

[pingsped]

gweichan:

My gal is very sensitive too. She also complains the temperature of the water (too hot or too cold when it's already just ok). She dislikes labels on clothes too and makes me cut them away. Also, she needs to grab her hanky or a tissue paper when she sleeps and if you take it away, she will know it.

When I read yr posts abt \"sensitive kids\", two things came to mind :

A) sensory processing difficulties (not disorder), or
B) personality trait - one parent or close relative probably has this trait. Quite obvious. U can't miss it.

A) doing more sports, games & exciting stuff will help the kids get used to \"high arousal\" states. It is a flight (retreat to corner) or fight response.

B) parent must be warm, positive & encouraging to \"modify\" this trait.

As usu, variety is essence

Kylene - try to speak to teachers. Kids usu respond to warmth and smiles. He shld have no issues if he's alright w familiar adults. He's not the clumsy type, right? Otherwise, he shouldn't be shirking Montessori stuff.

[Wan]

Just recalled another incident. I asked my son why he doesn’t participate actively in class after I met his teacher before term break. He told me the rest of the children already shouted out the answers without waiting for the teacher to call them. So I ask him why doesn’t he shout out the answer/ volunteer in class, he replied he doesn’t want to disturb the class like other classmates. I asked him at what circumstances will he answer the question. He told me only when the rest of the class doesn’t know the answer & he puts up his hand & teacher calls him to answer. I thought that could be happening to other children too (in fact, I’m not the type that volunteer to answer questions or take up a new task type myself).


Maybe there are other reasons- task is too simple/ mundane, not worth a try, somebody already tried & doesn’t look fun? Have u observe how ur child play? Build up on what interest him, encourage him & build up his confidence. My son was shy at nursery but more confident (although still stiff) during show-&-tell sessions at K1. He likes & can draw well. So we do painting & craft at home. It takes time to nurture. So fellow mummies, u can do it!!