Toddler not participating in class

[gweichan]

Ya agree with Wan. Every child is different. Do what you can to help your child since you know him the best. Work with the teachers, give yourself a time line and check his performance. I think your son’s effort and yours will be paid off.

[pingsped]

gweichan:

My gal is very sensitive too. She also complains the temperature of the water (too hot or too cold when it's already just ok). She dislikes labels on clothes too and makes me cut them away. Also, she needs to grab her hanky or a tissue paper when she sleeps and if you take it away, she will know it.

When I read yr posts abt \"sensitive kids\", two things came to mind :

A) sensory processing difficulties (not disorder), or
B) personality trait - one parent or close relative probably has this trait. Quite obvious. U can't miss it.

A) doing more sports, games & exciting stuff will help the kids get used to \"high arousal\" states. It is a flight (retreat to corner) or fight response.

B) parent must be warm, positive & encouraging to \"modify\" this trait.

As usu, variety is essence

Kylene - try to speak to teachers. Kids usu respond to warmth and smiles. He shld have no issues if he's alright w familiar adults. He's not the clumsy type, right? Otherwise, he shouldn't be shirking Montessori stuff.

[Wan]

Just recalled another incident. I asked my son why he doesn’t participate actively in class after I met his teacher before term break. He told me the rest of the children already shouted out the answers without waiting for the teacher to call them. So I ask him why doesn’t he shout out the answer/ volunteer in class, he replied he doesn’t want to disturb the class like other classmates. I asked him at what circumstances will he answer the question. He told me only when the rest of the class doesn’t know the answer & he puts up his hand & teacher calls him to answer. I thought that could be happening to other children too (in fact, I’m not the type that volunteer to answer questions or take up a new task type myself).


Maybe there are other reasons- task is too simple/ mundane, not worth a try, somebody already tried & doesn’t look fun? Have u observe how ur child play? Build up on what interest him, encourage him & build up his confidence. My son was shy at nursery but more confident (although still stiff) during show-&-tell sessions at K1. He likes & can draw well. So we do painting & craft at home. It takes time to nurture. So fellow mummies, u can do it!!

[Wan]

Just recalled another incident. I asked my son why he doesn’t participate actively in class after I met his teacher before term break. He told me the rest of the children already shouted out the answers without waiting for the teacher to call them. So I ask him why doesn’t he shout out the answer/ volunteer in class, he replied he doesn’t want to disturb the class like other classmates. I asked him at what circumstances will he answer the question. He told me only when the rest of the class doesn’t know the answer & he puts up his hand & teacher calls him to answer. I thought that could be happening to other children too (in fact, I’m not the type that volunteer to answer questions or take up a new task type myself).


Maybe there are other reasons- task is too simple/ mundane, not worth a try, somebody already tried & doesn’t look fun? Have u observe how ur child play? Build up on what interest him, encourage him & build up his confidence. My son was shy at nursery but more confident (although still stiff) during show-&-tell sessions at K1. He likes & can draw well. So we do painting & craft at home. It takes time to nurture. So fellow mummies, u can do it!!

[Wan]

Just recalled another incident. I asked my son why he doesn’t participate actively in class after I met his teacher before term break. He told me the rest of the children already shouted out the answers without waiting for the teacher to call them. So I ask him why doesn’t he shout out the answer/ volunteer in class, he replied he doesn’t want to disturb the class like other classmates. I asked him at what circumstances will he answer the question. He told me only when the rest of the class doesn’t know the answer & he puts up his hand & teacher calls him to answer. I thought that could be happening to other children too (in fact, I’m not the type that volunteer to answer questions or take up a new task type myself).


Maybe there are other reasons- task is too simple/ mundane, not worth a try, somebody already tried & doesn’t look fun? Have u observe how ur child play? Build up on what interest him, encourage him & build up his confidence. My son was shy at nursery but more confident (although still stiff) during show-&-tell sessions at K1. He likes & can draw well. So we do painting & craft at home. It takes time to nurture. So fellow mummies, u can do it!!

[kylene]

pingsped:

When I read yr posts abt \"sensitive kids\", two things came to mind :

A) sensory processing difficulties (not disorder), or
B) personality trait - one parent or close relative probably has this trait. Quite obvious. U can't miss it.

Kylene - try to speak to teachers. Kids usu respond to warmth and smiles. He shld have no issues if he's alright w familiar adults. He's not the clumsy type, right? Otherwise, he shouldn't be shirking Montessori stuff.

Hmmm. Clumsy ? How would we define that? As in always falling down? He walked independently by 11 month old. He does fall occasionally but not often. We walk to school everyday, about 25 min. He's not very good with catching balls with his hands, kicking is ok. He can feed himself when he wants to, quite neat.

I've spoken to the teachers. At one point, the teacher suggested an assessment for him. She feels that he MIGHT be mildly autistic, there's a spectrum. I read up on the condition, talked to a psychologist friend and decided my son is not autistic. If I'm not wrong, autistic kids do not behave differently in different places.

[kylene]

Just thought of something, the teacher commented that my son talks to himself quite often. and with gestures too, as if he’s telling a story. Is that normal?


I googled, and apparently toddlers do talk to themselves. but why is my son the only one doing it in school?

[toddles]

kylene:

I've spoken to the teachers. At one point, the teacher suggested an assessment for him. She feels that he MIGHT be mildly autistic, there's a spectrum. I read up on the condition, talked to a psychologist friend and decided my son is not autistic. If I'm not wrong, autistic kids do not behave differently in different places.

If the key thing you've observed is that his behaviour is only as such in school, then perhaps it's just that particular school environment. If at home, and anywhere else he's ok (say relatives' home, or when u bring him to friends' homes for playdates/social activities, or church sunday school etc) and doesn't exhibit the behaviour that concerns you, then perhaps he just has issues with the people in that school and the whole environment. some sort of dislike nurtured over the year he's been there.

[Chenonceau]

kylene:

Just thought of something, the teacher commented that my son talks to himself quite often. and with gestures too, as if he's telling a story. Is that normal?


I googled, and apparently toddlers do talk to themselves. but why is my son the only one doing it in school?

Hmmmmmm...

If you haven't been in the class the whole time, how do you know that your son is the only one?

Teacher said it? If Teacher said so, then maybe Teacher thinks he is weird and is over sensitive to all demonstrations of \"weirdness\", even those behaviors that aren't really weird. In that case, best to pull him out not because there is anything wrong with your son, but because if Teachers have formed a judgment, the child's psyche is too weak to reject the judgment. The child's psyche will absorb that judgment as truth and THEN you will REALLY have a cuckoo son.

Your son is fine. My Daughter talked to herself for hours. I would be on sick leave and she would be playing near my bed... and she would talk non-stop to no one in particular for 7 hours.

Must have faith in your son. Sometimes, actually got nothing wrong but we think and think and worry and worry and then reality shifts to match our fears. Think positive a bit eh?

[pingsped]

kylene:

He's not very good with catching balls with his hands, kicking is ok. He can feed himself when he wants to, quite neat.

I've spoken to the teachers. At one point, the teacher suggested an assessment for him. She feels that he MIGHT be mildly autistic, there's a spectrum. I read up on the condition, talked to a psychologist friend and decided my son is not autistic. If I'm not wrong, autistic kids do not behave differently in different places. (not true)

How do you find the teacher? warm & caring? or the prim-&-proper type? Or are there kids/things that your son doesn't like? Have you asked your son if there's anything in school that he doesn't like? Some sensitive kids are very particular about small things. Some kids avoid doing things involving fine motor control as they can't do well.

Maybe u got to teach him right emo words like bored, messy, boring, etc. I don't like it when everyone is looking at me. I just can't move. I don't feel like doing XXX. The children are too loud or rough. I don't like the Montessori mat?!

Good teachers don't bring up the issues of assessment in a frivolous manner. Why don't u peek & have a look?

I'm not going to comment on whether he has special needs (ASD, dyslexia, etc) cos I haven't seen him. I'm therapist & so many parents bring kids in late because they keep thinking everything is alright. Anyway, at this age, we can't diagnose mild or borderline cases accurately.

Toddlers do talk to themselves. My girl talks too but most do know there's a time & place to do it. Not in the middle of lesson. Could be bored but most kids should stop after reminders by teachers.

If it's bad karma, history or something, maybe u do a one-week trial at another school.

Good teachers can really bring out a child's smiles, special needs or otherwise.