Club SAHM
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Admummy:
i've become a SAHM for 1mth plus...at times regret...but no turning back...I've got 3 kids, oldest gal turning 6, boy turning 4 and youngest 13mths...i find it very tiring to handle my youngest (even with maid)..he always disrupt my plan, like when i'm teaching my elder two, he will insist on joining and my maid not able to distract him...headache....plus i find that after turning into a SAHM like relationship with mum in law a bit sour...can someone motivate me a bit so that i won't feel so regretful...
:welcome: to the club!
Chin up Admummy
It has been 2 yrs since I last had a job. I became one because I wanted to spend time with my kids. I had only 2 when I decided to quit. I was feeling very frustrated that everyone else was having more time with my kids except me. So I quit.
I had many plans on how I want to spend time with my kids. I took my DD out of CC, took my DS from his great aunt, was sourcing for primary school and learning to cook. All my plans flew out the window when 6 months down the road I found that I was preg with DD2. It was the pregnancy from hell, I was rendered useless and bedridden most of the time. I had to let DS go back to his great aunt.
Now I have 3 kids, all at their critical ages, DD, 6yo going to P1 next yr, DS 3 yo, exerting his independence and final stages of toilet training and DD2 6mo, clinging to me like a koala, with no domestic helper. There are times I want to run away from home. But I'm a mummy, not a perfect one, not the best one but still a mummy, as a mummy I cannot be down or feel sorry for myself for long. I have to pick myself up. We are mummies, hear us roar.
Kids besides wanting us to buy the whole toy store for, want our love and attention. When I'm helping DD with her preparation for P1, my DS will want to \"disturb\" and DD2 will not be satisfied with his daddy, mil or fil. They all want to join in the fun. So I let DS play with his lego next to me or I give him some drawing work. DD2 I will put her on the bed and entertain her with one thing or another. It does not always work, when it does not and I'm going ballistics, I just stop and we all play or I just read to them. I find that it's more important that they have a positive experience than I try to push something through with too much force. Beflore DD2 turned 6mos, I stopped all work with DD. I only started again when I could handle all 3.
It is exciting to see mummy home, so your youngest would not understand that you are teaching yor older ones, he/she just want to join in the fun with mummy and jie jie and kor kor. Try to include him/her, simple things will do the trick.
I had epic battles with my mil over the kids. She's a formidable opponent. She has more moves than Jacky Chan and Jet Li combined. Now we have reached a period of truce. Now that I'm a SAHM. a decision must be made as to who decide the running of the household and the kids. So now, she only cook dinner and helps with DD2 or the older ones in the evening from 6 pm to 8pm during the wkdays.
I'm sure she still dislike me but for the family we keep the truce. She has some time with the kids but Daddy and mummy are the main players in their lives.
Is your mil unhappy about her allowance now that you are a SAHM or both of you spending too much time in home turf?
What keeps me going is that I want to be with my kids, even on days I have to discipline them till I have stomach cramps. I take time off to recharge. Sometimes a simple thing like a nap will do the trick too. Or to meet up with frens, I still bring DD2 along becos she super clingy now but I still feel refreshed.
Cheer up and chin up, it's all worth while when they say I love you
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Hi,
I’ve been a SAHM for close to 12 years…quit my job when I was expecting first one…couldn’t cope with the mood swings in the 2nd trimester. So after buying all the necessary bb stuff and whatever, I quit.
When son was born, on top of not knowing how to look after a baby, he had cleft as well. We moved to my parents place until son turned 3.
When #2 came, we got a maid after weighing the pros & cons of full time helper vs part time. Coaching my son when he was in P1 was really tough as #2 always wanted to disturb…the maid couldn’t handle her. So I told her to cook lunch early and wash up everything while I look after #2 who was then 3 years old. Son was in afternoon session and I really hated the morning rush.
There was no such thing as ‘me’ time…had to wake son up for breakfast, coached him in his work and getting him prepared for lunch, bath and then send him off to school. When he is in school, I will look after #2 while maid did housework.
After 2 years of afternoon session, I told myself I have enough…pray hard #2 can go to a primary school with just morning session. By then, my maid also gave me problem…one after another.
Now, son is in P5 while daughter is in P1. Both in morning sessions but diff schools…daughter in my former school. Prayed very hard that P1 will be in morn session then and my wish was granted.
I have ‘me’ time every morning when the kids are off to school. Recharge my battery to keep my sanity when they both return home after school.
Try to get more rest and if possible sweat it out. It does help. I didn’t believe it when the doctor told me this (mild depression earlier due to anxiety). -
Admummy:
youngest 13mths...i find it very tiring to handle my youngest (even with maid)..he always disrupt my plan, like when i'm teaching my elder two, he will insist on joining and my maid not able to distract him..
How about placing your youngest in another room with toys and music CDs? and your maid can accompany him the entire time. He wants attention
If still doesn't work out, you can consider half day child care for him. During his child care time, you can coach your 2 elder kids
But I usually try to avoid child care as much as possible la. This is the last resort -
SAHM_TAN:
I had epic battles with my mil over the kids. She's a formidable opponent. She has more moves than Jacky Chan and Jet Li combined. Now we have reached a period of truce. Now that I'm a SAHM. a decision must be made as to who decide the running of the household and the kids. So now, she only cook dinner and helps with DD2 or the older ones in the evening from 6 pm to 8pm during the wkdays.
My MIL hated me when I first left my job. She felt bitter because
1. her son must take on the entire burden of providing for us. She insisted I should work instead of shaking legs at home
2. I brought dd1 home to bond. She wanted to keep baby with her
So can easily guess what happen next, she practically picked on me every time we met. Yet I must 忍气吞声, really frustrating!
With arrival of dd2, I did offer to let her babysit again but this time she refused, said she rather babysit BIL's future kids. Aiya still feeling sore I guess
Anyway, after a few years, with the arrival of other grandchildren whom she helped to babysit, she couldn't be bothered to spend energy to pick on me la. So our relationship improved :celebrate:
But the sad news is, after babysitting her other grandchildren till they reach primary school age, she got 'kick out' from BIL's house as she is now weak in health and ran out of usefulness to them
Now I felt sorry for her instead. Sigh... -
sleepy:
That's sad, what happened to your MIL. Was your MIL a working mum when she was younger?SAHM_TAN:
I had epic battles with my mil over the kids. She's a formidable opponent. She has more moves than Jacky Chan and Jet Li combined. Now we have reached a period of truce. Now that I'm a SAHM. a decision must be made as to who decide the running of the household and the kids. So now, she only cook dinner and helps with DD2 or the older ones in the evening from 6 pm to 8pm during the wkdays.
My MIL hated me when I first left my job. She felt bitter because
1. her son must take on the entire burden of providing for us. She insisted I should work instead of shaking legs at home
2. I brought dd1 home to bond. She wanted to keep baby with her
So can easily guess what happen next, she practically picked on me every time we met. Yet I must 忍气吞声, really frustrating!
With arrival of dd2, I did offer to let her babysit again but this time she refused, said she rather babysit BIL's future kids. Aiya still feeling sore I guess
Anyway, after a few years, with the arrival of other grandchildren whom she helped to babysit, she couldn't be bothered to spend energy to pick on me la. So our relationship improved :celebrate:
But the sad news is, after babysitting her other grandchildren till they reach primary school age, she got 'kick out' from BIL's house as she is now weak in health and ran out of usefulness to them
Now I felt sorry for her instead. Sigh...
Anything my MIL do to me I can take it, taking the jewelery my hubby bought me, she say for safe-keeping, going through my things, etc.... BUT she tried to replace me in my DD's life, that's a no no zone. I told my hubby to tell her mother I need more time with DD. She just could not let go. We finally went into battle mode, when I was in my hormonal rage, was having a rough pregnancy with DS, I did the most disrespectful thing and yelled at her. From then it was ugly. Anyway, now we at the truce stage. -
do you live with your mil? why does the rship sour only after you become SAHM?
We live separately but will dine at her place during weekdays...relationship sour in the sense that she seem to doubt my ability of being SAHM..her spy is my maid, everytime ask what i cld for the kids, or have say over everything i do...last time when i was working was not really involved in the minding of the children, now more friction like what fish i cook lah, etc...i think she has good intention but then it just piss me off sometimes...
for me, there are many frustrations too but weighing everything, i still enjoy being at home. besides the cliche advantage of witnessing all their milestones, it is also great to be there to see all their shortcomings and weaknesses too, you know.
why? becos, you can be there to help them overcome whatever it is that made them cry. you can also be the first one to correct them when they did something wrong.
not saying that if you are not sahm you can't do the above, but if you stay at home with them, the chances are higher.
totally agree ...being able to witness and be involve in shapping the children character, personality is one the contributing factor for me to sacrifice my career...
there are many other benefits, like our bond is very strong, v close... but i think what's impt to keep our spirits up and remain cheerful would be
- to have enough rest
(being tired makes me moody)
- have some time to exercise or do sth without the kids?
for me, i have no help from anyone right now, except dh, when he's not at work, so i do feel really exhausted and wish to have some \"me\" time.
I just keep looking forward to something to keep myself motivated. eg a weekend or a birthday, whatever.
staying cheerful is really tough...i tend to flare up easily...and everytime when i flare up and scold my kids, i will feel terrible and start to doubt myself as SAHM...Actually i enjoy bonding with the kids, just that when my plan gets disrupted like the kids throw tantrum or when my youngest cling onto me and spoil my schedulte, i will panick and get frustrated...
in any case, thks for all the tips, you are really a super mom to be able to handle without any help...btw, what is hth? (erm pardon me to sound so silly ah).....
hth![/quote] -
SAHM_TAN:
Was your MIL a working mum when she was younger?
She never work before. SAHM her entire life. But she said I've big big cert mah, so should not stay home -
SAHM_TAN:
Admummy:
i've become a SAHM for 1mth plus...at times regret...but no turning back...I've got 3 kids, oldest gal turning 6, boy turning 4 and youngest 13mths...i find it very tiring to handle my youngest (even with maid)..he always disrupt my plan, like when i'm teaching my elder two, he will insist on joining and my maid not able to distract him...headache....plus i find that after turning into a SAHM like relationship with mum in law a bit sour...can someone motivate me a bit so that i won't feel so regretful...
:welcome: to the club!
Chin up Admummy
It has been 2 yrs since I last had a job. I became one because I wanted to spend time with my kids. I had only 2 when I decided to quit. I was feeling very frustrated that everyone else was having more time with my kids except me. So I quit.
I had many plans on how I want to spend time with my kids. I took my DD out of CC, took my DS from his great aunt, was sourcing for primary school and learning to cook. All my plans flew out the window when 6 months down the road I found that I was preg with DD2. It was the pregnancy from hell, I was rendered useless and bedridden most of the time. I had to let DS go back to his great aunt.
Now I have 3 kids, all at their critical ages, DD, 6yo going to P1 next yr, DS 3 yo, exerting his independence and final stages of toilet training and DD2 6mo, clinging to me like a koala, with no domestic helper. There are times I want to run away from home. But I'm a mummy, not a perfect one, not the best one but still a mummy, as a mummy I cannot be down or feel sorry for myself for long. I have to pick myself up. We are mummies, hear us roar.
what coincidence, your elder two same gender and age as mine..except no. 3, mine is boy and 13mth plus...salute to you leh...no helper...my maid contract gg to expire in Jun and she not renewing, dunno how i will survive coz she's quite a good helper...maybe i shld adopt your kind of thinking be strong and pick myself up whenever there's obstacles instead of having doubt on my decision of switching to SAHM...
Kids besides wanting us to buy the whole toy store for, want our love and attention. When I'm helping DD with her preparation for P1, my DS will want to \"disturb\" and DD2 will not be satisfied with his daddy, mil or fil. They all want to join in the fun. So I let DS play with his lego next to me or I give him some drawing work. DD2 I will put her on the bed and entertain her with one thing or another. It does not always work, when it does not and I'm going ballistics, I just stop and we all play or I just read to them. I find that it's more important that they have a positive experience than I try to push something through with too much force. Beflore DD2 turned 6mos, I stopped all work with DD. I only started again when I could handle all 3.
It is exciting to see mummy home, so your youngest would not understand that you are teaching yor older ones, he/she just want to join in the fun with mummy and jie jie and kor kor. Try to include him/her, simple things will do the trick.
I had epic battles with my mil over the kids. She's a formidable opponent. She has more moves than Jacky Chan and Jet Li combined. Now we have reached a period of truce. Now that I'm a SAHM. a decision must be made as to who decide the running of the household and the kids. So now, she only cook dinner and helps with DD2 or the older ones in the evening from 6 pm to 8pm during the wkdays.
I'm sure she still dislike me but for the family we keep the truce. She has some time with the kids but Daddy and mummy are the main players in their lives.
Is your mil unhappy about her allowance now that you are a SAHM or both of you spending too much time in home turf?
We did not cut her allowance even though I'm not working anymore...actually our budet quite tight but dare not touch her allowance coz she's the type where what's given cannot be taken back one (meow meow)...we make it a point that we go over to her place for dinner during weekdays so that my in laws will have the chance to mingle with the kids...
What keeps me going is that I want to be with my kids, even on days I have to discipline them till I have stomach cramps. I take time off to recharge. Sometimes a simple thing like a nap will do the trick too. Or to meet up with frens, I still bring DD2 along becos she super clingy now but I still feel refreshed.
Cheer up and chin up, it's all worth while when they say I love you
Yah, maybe i schedule some time off for myself...u know last time when working still can take MC (stay at home rest without the kids)...now not feeling well also dare not rest...sure...the 3 magical words really make a diff...i think the most stressful part is the youngest who cannot communicate or understand...no matter what, it will pass ....the day will come...thks for the motivating post! -
oh, that sounds familiar:
asking you about what fish you cook. hahaha.
yup yup, my mil asks me such Qs too. we visit her each weekend. she'll ask me if i remember to give them enough eggs, if they still drink milk powder etc etc.
cos i fully breastfed my kids and after they turned 1, i also give them fresh milk. didn't see the need to buy formula at all. but that is a sore point with her cos she believes kids must still drink milk powder till they are at least 12yo. so she always asks me without fail!
yup, i flare up too. guess it is inevitable cos you love them and want to teach them to become useful people but they don't always listen and plans don't always turn out the way you want them to. happens all the time to me as well.
not supermom lah. i live in a 4rm flat, can cope with housework.
oh, hth is \"hope that helps\" or \"hope that's helpful\"
something like that.
sigh, i signed up for Amore to make myself exercise cos i know if i get exercise, i will feel better and be refreshed for the whole week. but then it's been almost 2 yrs and i only went 6x, what do you think???
no \"me\" time like what janet said...
i shouldn't have signed up!! but at that time, i thought if i don't sign up, i will never go out and exercise, and thought that at least if i commit myself to something, i will force myself to do it.
in the end, always when i wanted to go, a kid would be sick, or i would be too tired (ok excuse), or my appointed babysitter cannot help me at the last minute. (either mom or Dh)
so, i'm going to look forward to the period when my kids are all in primary school, like janet. then i will have the \"me\" time in the morning. precious couple of hours... -
Can I check with you SAHM…how do you manage couple time? Frankly speaking, I am already struggling for ME time…couple time is the last thing on my mind…and I know my hubby is not very pleased…but what to do? Kids come first…I wake up at 5am…go to bed at 11pm…really no time for romance…
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