Club SAHM
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do you live with your mil? why does the rship sour only after you become SAHM?
We live separately but will dine at her place during weekdays...relationship sour in the sense that she seem to doubt my ability of being SAHM..her spy is my maid, everytime ask what i cld for the kids, or have say over everything i do...last time when i was working was not really involved in the minding of the children, now more friction like what fish i cook lah, etc...i think she has good intention but then it just piss me off sometimes...
for me, there are many frustrations too but weighing everything, i still enjoy being at home. besides the cliche advantage of witnessing all their milestones, it is also great to be there to see all their shortcomings and weaknesses too, you know.
why? becos, you can be there to help them overcome whatever it is that made them cry. you can also be the first one to correct them when they did something wrong.
not saying that if you are not sahm you can't do the above, but if you stay at home with them, the chances are higher.
totally agree ...being able to witness and be involve in shapping the children character, personality is one the contributing factor for me to sacrifice my career...
there are many other benefits, like our bond is very strong, v close... but i think what's impt to keep our spirits up and remain cheerful would be
- to have enough rest
(being tired makes me moody)
- have some time to exercise or do sth without the kids?
for me, i have no help from anyone right now, except dh, when he's not at work, so i do feel really exhausted and wish to have some \"me\" time.
I just keep looking forward to something to keep myself motivated. eg a weekend or a birthday, whatever.
staying cheerful is really tough...i tend to flare up easily...and everytime when i flare up and scold my kids, i will feel terrible and start to doubt myself as SAHM...Actually i enjoy bonding with the kids, just that when my plan gets disrupted like the kids throw tantrum or when my youngest cling onto me and spoil my schedulte, i will panick and get frustrated...
in any case, thks for all the tips, you are really a super mom to be able to handle without any help...btw, what is hth? (erm pardon me to sound so silly ah).....
hth![/quote] -
SAHM_TAN:
Was your MIL a working mum when she was younger?
She never work before. SAHM her entire life. But she said I've big big cert mah, so should not stay home -
SAHM_TAN:
Admummy:
i've become a SAHM for 1mth plus...at times regret...but no turning back...I've got 3 kids, oldest gal turning 6, boy turning 4 and youngest 13mths...i find it very tiring to handle my youngest (even with maid)..he always disrupt my plan, like when i'm teaching my elder two, he will insist on joining and my maid not able to distract him...headache....plus i find that after turning into a SAHM like relationship with mum in law a bit sour...can someone motivate me a bit so that i won't feel so regretful...
:welcome: to the club!
Chin up Admummy
It has been 2 yrs since I last had a job. I became one because I wanted to spend time with my kids. I had only 2 when I decided to quit. I was feeling very frustrated that everyone else was having more time with my kids except me. So I quit.
I had many plans on how I want to spend time with my kids. I took my DD out of CC, took my DS from his great aunt, was sourcing for primary school and learning to cook. All my plans flew out the window when 6 months down the road I found that I was preg with DD2. It was the pregnancy from hell, I was rendered useless and bedridden most of the time. I had to let DS go back to his great aunt.
Now I have 3 kids, all at their critical ages, DD, 6yo going to P1 next yr, DS 3 yo, exerting his independence and final stages of toilet training and DD2 6mo, clinging to me like a koala, with no domestic helper. There are times I want to run away from home. But I'm a mummy, not a perfect one, not the best one but still a mummy, as a mummy I cannot be down or feel sorry for myself for long. I have to pick myself up. We are mummies, hear us roar.
what coincidence, your elder two same gender and age as mine..except no. 3, mine is boy and 13mth plus...salute to you leh...no helper...my maid contract gg to expire in Jun and she not renewing, dunno how i will survive coz she's quite a good helper...maybe i shld adopt your kind of thinking be strong and pick myself up whenever there's obstacles instead of having doubt on my decision of switching to SAHM...
Kids besides wanting us to buy the whole toy store for, want our love and attention. When I'm helping DD with her preparation for P1, my DS will want to \"disturb\" and DD2 will not be satisfied with his daddy, mil or fil. They all want to join in the fun. So I let DS play with his lego next to me or I give him some drawing work. DD2 I will put her on the bed and entertain her with one thing or another. It does not always work, when it does not and I'm going ballistics, I just stop and we all play or I just read to them. I find that it's more important that they have a positive experience than I try to push something through with too much force. Beflore DD2 turned 6mos, I stopped all work with DD. I only started again when I could handle all 3.
It is exciting to see mummy home, so your youngest would not understand that you are teaching yor older ones, he/she just want to join in the fun with mummy and jie jie and kor kor. Try to include him/her, simple things will do the trick.
I had epic battles with my mil over the kids. She's a formidable opponent. She has more moves than Jacky Chan and Jet Li combined. Now we have reached a period of truce. Now that I'm a SAHM. a decision must be made as to who decide the running of the household and the kids. So now, she only cook dinner and helps with DD2 or the older ones in the evening from 6 pm to 8pm during the wkdays.
I'm sure she still dislike me but for the family we keep the truce. She has some time with the kids but Daddy and mummy are the main players in their lives.
Is your mil unhappy about her allowance now that you are a SAHM or both of you spending too much time in home turf?
We did not cut her allowance even though I'm not working anymore...actually our budet quite tight but dare not touch her allowance coz she's the type where what's given cannot be taken back one (meow meow)...we make it a point that we go over to her place for dinner during weekdays so that my in laws will have the chance to mingle with the kids...
What keeps me going is that I want to be with my kids, even on days I have to discipline them till I have stomach cramps. I take time off to recharge. Sometimes a simple thing like a nap will do the trick too. Or to meet up with frens, I still bring DD2 along becos she super clingy now but I still feel refreshed.
Cheer up and chin up, it's all worth while when they say I love you
Yah, maybe i schedule some time off for myself...u know last time when working still can take MC (stay at home rest without the kids)...now not feeling well also dare not rest...sure...the 3 magical words really make a diff...i think the most stressful part is the youngest who cannot communicate or understand...no matter what, it will pass ....the day will come...thks for the motivating post! -
oh, that sounds familiar:
asking you about what fish you cook. hahaha.
yup yup, my mil asks me such Qs too. we visit her each weekend. she'll ask me if i remember to give them enough eggs, if they still drink milk powder etc etc.
cos i fully breastfed my kids and after they turned 1, i also give them fresh milk. didn't see the need to buy formula at all. but that is a sore point with her cos she believes kids must still drink milk powder till they are at least 12yo. so she always asks me without fail!
yup, i flare up too. guess it is inevitable cos you love them and want to teach them to become useful people but they don't always listen and plans don't always turn out the way you want them to. happens all the time to me as well.
not supermom lah. i live in a 4rm flat, can cope with housework.
oh, hth is \"hope that helps\" or \"hope that's helpful\"
something like that.
sigh, i signed up for Amore to make myself exercise cos i know if i get exercise, i will feel better and be refreshed for the whole week. but then it's been almost 2 yrs and i only went 6x, what do you think???
no \"me\" time like what janet said...
i shouldn't have signed up!! but at that time, i thought if i don't sign up, i will never go out and exercise, and thought that at least if i commit myself to something, i will force myself to do it.
in the end, always when i wanted to go, a kid would be sick, or i would be too tired (ok excuse), or my appointed babysitter cannot help me at the last minute. (either mom or Dh)
so, i'm going to look forward to the period when my kids are all in primary school, like janet. then i will have the \"me\" time in the morning. precious couple of hours... -
Can I check with you SAHM…how do you manage couple time? Frankly speaking, I am already struggling for ME time…couple time is the last thing on my mind…and I know my hubby is not very pleased…but what to do? Kids come first…I wake up at 5am…go to bed at 11pm…really no time for romance…
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I have been a SAHM for close to abt 4 yrs, and is caring for two preschoolers singlehandedly; wif my hubby as the sole breadwinner.
There have been times when i am so tensed up, stress, sian or watever you name it... However, i pick myself up everytime coz i believe only we can help ourselves. It's the attitude that matters...
Family should be the utmost priority, this is especially so for us, the SAHMs coz we have chosen to stay at hm for our children so tat we can bring out the best, love and care for them...
PERSEVERE, PATIENCE, PRACTISE (hee.. i mean try to do better the next time when we err wif our kids) and LOVE for ur children/partner is the pill for a HAPPY family :love:
Afterall, life is a short journey.. I am learning to love/cherish wat i have and FORGIVE and FORGET quickly, especially to my family.
Cheers and JIA YOU to all Parents out there!!! :grphug: -
Hi tjm,
I stay on the opposite part of island from in-laws. I stay arms length from them. I keep relationship to mainly talking about weather since we don’t see eye to eye on most stuff. She always feels her son is very poor thing to have to work so hard to feed wife and 2 kids.
It’s tough when kids are still in preschool, but cheer up and hang on, they wil attend primary school and you have few hours to breathe. But it will be another set of stress when they are in primary school.
All the best to you and take care of yourself. That is most important. -
bebe:
Can I check with you SAHM..how do you manage couple time? Frankly speaking, I am already struggling for ME time...couple time is the last thing on my mind..and I know my hubby is not very pleased..but what to do? Kids come first..I wake up at 5am..go to bed at 11pm...really no time for romance..
We get our kids to sleep at 930pm, yes even the baby.So after 930pm is couple time. We will talk, catch up on stuff. If you are talking about date, like go out, at the moment, we can't becos baby is only 6mos and refused any other to babysit her. -
Admummy:
You are welcome, SAHM must support each other, it's tough and not always appreciated
what coincidence, your elder two same gender and age as mine..except no. 3, mine is boy and 13mth plus...salute to you leh...no helper...my maid contract gg to expire in Jun and she not renewing, dunno how i will survive coz she's quite a good helper...maybe i shld adopt your kind of thinking be strong and pick myself up whenever there's obstacles instead of having doubt on my decision of switching to SAHM...
Have u decided which primary school for your DD? I'm still in the midst of PV. Your DS1 is in N2?
I still have some help, once a wk a cleaning aunty will come to clean the house and iron clothes. My mil will help with dinner 4 times a wk. For lunch I cooked single meal that includes everything :lol:
Just have a sense of humor, kids are very cute -
Admummy:
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staying cheerful is really tough...i tend to flare up easily...and everytime when i flare up and scold my kids, i will feel terrible and start to doubt myself as SAHM...Actually i enjoy bonding with the kids, just that when my plan gets disrupted like the kids throw tantrum or when my youngest cling onto me and spoil my schedulte, i will panick and get frustrated...
Understand fully, I've been there as well. Now I learn to be more relax. Sometimes when it gets really bad, like kids are especially naughty, I will take time out and cool off. Does not always work, when I'm in the wrong, meaning it's not the kids' fault, I will say sorry and hug them.
It takes time to work out a routine which works for all.
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