How to develop self motivation in children?
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Children loves to do thing that they are good at. Those activities do not require any motivation and they will just do it. If they are doing something that they like such as drawing or colouring, you too don’ need any carrot to get them do it. The problem is always getting them to something that they are not good at or not interested in…
So for those area, I started to get them to do it in 5 or 10 mins for a start, slowly it will become a routine where no motivation will be require anymore. -
24hr-mum:
many a times when u say, if u do something, i gv u something, he will say: no, give me that thing first!
What needs to be done, needs to be done. What is your job, is your job. I never and don't believe in giving tangible rewards to my kids for doing what is their job, only lots of hugs & kisses & praises for job (well) done. Neither will I finish up their job, if they fail to.
Eagerly waiting for words of wisdom from Chenonceau.
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satyagraha:
I believe in that too. As a matter of principle, I feel that kids should not expect to be rewarded for doing what is their job. And they need the discipline to do it, even if they don't like it. Just that when I act according to my principles, things that need to be done don't get done.What needs to be done, needs to be done. What is your job, is your job. I never and don't believe in giving tangible rewards to my kids for doing what is their job, only lots of hugs & kisses & praises for job (well) done. Neither will I finish up their job, if they fail to.
Eagerly waiting for words of wisdom from Chenonceau.
Certainly looking forward to Chenonceau's sharing. -
satyagraha:
I agree. For very young children, if parents say if you do your work, I will give you something, they get the impression they are doing the work \"for the parents\". That's why we never give any tangible rewards to the kids.24hr-mum:
many a times when u say, if u do something, i gv u something, he will say: no, give me that thing first!
What needs to be done, needs to be done. What is your job, is your job. I never and don't believe in giving tangible rewards to my kids for doing what is their job, only lots of hugs & kisses & praises for job (well) done. Neither will I finish up their job, if they fail to.
Eagerly waiting for words of wisdom from Chenonceau.
When they do very well in their studies, they are the ones who take out their pocket money to give us the parents and the maid a small treat. We make them understand that they couldn't have achieved what they achieved without the support and help from us. -
So sorry to have made you wait Tisha. I have not had time to log on till now. I have been distraught about my son's SA1 P5 Math paper. He scored 90+ in P4 last year but can only manage at most 40/60 in Paper 2 of the practice P5 SA1 papers. I've been quite miserable, and he has been working so hard and has been so brave that I feel like I should bring him to Canada and apply for citizenship... just so that I don't feel like I have consigned him to child labour (like those children in brick kilns).
Also, I rather think that I have been quite stupid to have put my professional reputation on the line in a public forum such as this. Firstly, I dunno where to start. I can't possibly put down close to 2 decades of consulting experience in motivation here. I don't know where to start. Secondly, psychology is an imprecise science and whatever I write is bound to have its detractors.... and some are more rude than others. So... I am a bit nervous.
As such, please forgive me for sketching some preliminaries as means to protect myself
No Strategy Works in Every Situation
Many parents know that what works with one child in one situation, won't work with another. What works in one family won't work in another. Motivation recipe strategies need to be developed for specific situations. This is important to note upfront because there will be those who will say \"I tried this, and it doesn't work\"... \"I tried that, and it doesn't work\".
In some situations I would suggest setting IMPOSSIBLE GOALS.
In others, I would suggest TOO EASY GOALS. In some situations, I would advocate allowing failure to happen. In others, I would say that failure is to be avoided. There is no magic bullet just as there is no magic food. Green tea has been touted as good and healthy but in some situations it leads to an overgrowth of intestinal yeast and results in candidiasis of the gut.
Motivation Strategies Carry No Value Judgment (for me)
It is all too human to pass judgment. We all do it. Such and such a strategy is good/bad. Such and such a food is good/bad. But as a researcher-consultant in human motivation, I approach strategies and foods without trying to judge good/bad. I merely note their observable effects. Coffee is universally acknowledged as bad for health. Nonetheless, people with gallbladder problems can reduce their incidence of gallbladder surgery by 28% by drinking 4 cups of coffee a day. Coffee has that effect. It also has other more well-known effects.
Something is good/bad/right/wrong only with regards to specific situations. As such, please forgive me if I refrain from participating in any longdrawn debate about whether or not a strategy on its own is good/bad/evil/saintly. I'm also not keen to go into the realm of BELIEFS. What readers believe is well and good. Debating what I believe and what you believe is unproductive. Strategies have observable effects or not. They have positive effects in some situations and nefarious ones in others... and sometimes the same strategy has both good and bad effects in the SAME situation. Hence, this is not meant to be an esoteric discussion about beliefs and faith. It's just about strategies with predictable EFFECTS in specific situations... without any attempt at judging the moral value of any strategy.
Simply, if the forum reader's beliefs/values/emotional experience lead him/her to conclude that some of the proposed strategies are bad, it is entirely the forum reader's prerogative.
Situational Diagnosis
I need to know Tisha's situation in more detail. And even then, I would advise caution and some thinkthrough on Tisha's part because I am trying to structure a solution without ever having seen the child, nor observed first hand the interactions between mother and child. Tisha, no one knows your child and your family better than you. Hence, take this as sharing... and hopefully the sharing stimulates some thinking about your situation and helps you see it more clearly. And then, you can experiment carefully.
Tisha, if you don't mind, would you help me by sharing a bit more about your situation?
(1) How old is your child, and gender?
(2) What is the child's personality?
(3) What is your personality/or the personality of the primary caregiver?
(4) What is your child's favourite activity? How does he approach it? How did he start?
(5) What is your child's favourite subject? How does he approach it?
(6) Describe in as much detail as you can, how you get your child to work at home.
(7) Describe your child's siblings (personality) and their approach to school.
(8 ) What are your child's grades like?
Let's start with some of these details? Gee... I am about as nervous sharing the strategies as you probably are, sharing your situation. I know the domain well. I am familiar with the potential drawbacks of every single strategy and some have backfired in my face before, even whilst they have achieved much in other situations. Hence, I know that it is possible to critique every single strategy. Like everything else in this world of ours, every strategy is both good and bad.
Tisha, I hope you don't mind that I got you into this. Do let me know if you're not keen to post this publicly. We can work through PM. And sorry ah.... everyone, I'm just trying to prevent a situation where I might be flamed/negatively judged for sharing. I kinda feel like I am putting my head on the block for people to chop off.
Also, next week will be somewhat busy so I may not respond so fast... but I will respond. As long as I am not flamed for sharing in good faith what I know and have done, I am happy to help other Mommies. -
Chenonceau:
So sorry to have made you wait Tisha. I have not had time to log on till now. I have been distraught about my son's SA1 P5 Math paper. He scored 90+ in P4 last year but can only manage at most 40/60 in Paper 2 of the practice P5 SA1 papers. I've been quite miserable, and he has been working so hard and has been so brave that I feel like I should bring him to Canada and apply for citizenship... just so that I don't feel like I have consigned him to child labour (like those children in brick kilns).
Take your time. My best wishes to your DS and you for your P5 math battle. Its not easy, I know.Chenonceau:
Sure, can understand.Also, I rather think that I have been quite stupid to have put my professional reputation on the line in a public forum such as this. Firstly, I dunno where to start. I can't possibly put down close to 2 decades of consulting experience in motivation here. I don't know where to start. Secondly, psychology is an imprecise science and whatever I write is bound to have its detractors.... and some are more rude than others. So... I am a bit nervous.
As such, please forgive me for sketching some preliminaries as means to protect myselfChenonceau:
Agree with you, every situation/child/parent/environment is unique. Nevertheless no harm in trying what has worked for someone.No Strategy Works in Every Situation
Many parents know that what works with one child in one situation, won't work with another. What works in one family won't work in another. Motivation recipe strategies need to be developed for specific situations. This is important to note upfront because there will be those who will say \"I tried this, and it doesn't work\"... \"I tried that, and it doesn't work\".Chenonceau:
Interesting! Looking forward to here more on this.[quote]In some situations I would suggest setting IMPOSSIBLE GOALS.
In others, I would suggest TOO EASY GOALS. In some situations, I would advocate allowing failure to happen. In others, I would say that failure is to be avoided. There is no magic bullet just as there is no magic food. Green tea has been touted as good and healthy but in some situations it leads to an overgrowth of intestinal yeast and results in candidiasis of the gut.
Motivation Strategies Carry No Value Judgment (for me)
It is all too human to pass judgment. We all do it. Such and such a strategy is good/bad. Such and such a food is good/bad. But as a researcher-consultant in human motivation, I approach strategies and foods without trying to judge good/bad. I merely note their observable effects. Coffee is universally acknowledged as bad for health. Nonetheless, people with gallbladder problems can reduce their incidence of gallbladder surgery by 28% by drinking 4 cups of coffee a day. Coffee has that effect. It also has other more well-known effects.
Something is good/bad/right/wrong only with regards to specific situations. As such, please forgive me if I refrain from participating in any longdrawn debate about whether or not a strategy on its own is good/bad/evil/saintly. I'm also not keen to go into the realm of BELIEFS. What readers believe is well and good. Debating what I believe and what you believe is unproductive. Strategies have observable effects or not. They have positive effects in some situations and nefarious ones in others... and sometimes the same strategy has both good and bad effects in the SAME situation. Hence, this is not meant to be an esoteric discussion about beliefs and faith. It's just about strategies with predictable EFFECTS in specific situations... without any attempt at judging the moral value of any strategy.
Simply, if the forum reader's beliefs/values/emotional experience lead him/her to conclude that some of the proposed strategies are bad, it is entirely the forum reader's prerogative.
[/quote]Agree. I hope parents participate in this thread with the intention of learning from one another and not get into debates on whose strategy is better. All of us want to help our children to achive their true potential and not all of us are equipped to do it easily. So lets learn from more experienced parents. This is all this thread is about.Chenonceau:
You couldn't have been more correct. I'm like :clubmyself: when I read your Qs. To be honest I'ven't done much reflection on a few of your Qs so far. I need some time to answer them correctly/honestly.Situational Diagnosis
I need to know Tisha's situation in more detail. And even then, I would advise caution and some thinkthrough on Tisha's part because I am trying to structure a solution without ever having seen the child, nor observed first hand the interactions between mother and child. Tisha, no one knows your child and your family better than you. Hence, take this as sharing... and hopefully the sharing stimulates some thinking about your situation and helps you see it more clearly.And then, you can experiment carefully.Chenonceau:
Well, I'm not so comfortale to share a lot of personal info on a public forum. Maybe PM is better. Let me see, can we do a bit of both, meaning I post the key info and send the details as PM. And you could post the more genric tips on the forum and the specific ones as PM? Lets see how it goes? If it doesn't work then we just resort to pm.[quote]Tisha, if you don't mind, would you help me by sharing a bit more about your situation?
(1) How old is your child, and gender?
(2) What is the child's personality?
(3) What is your personality/or the personality of the primary caregiver?
(4) What is your child's favourite activity? How does he approach it? How did he start?
(5) What is your child's favourite subject? How does he approach it?
(6) Describe in as much detail as you can, how you get your child to work at home.
(7) Describe your child's siblings (personality) and their approach to school.
(8 ) What are your child's grades like?
Let's start with some of these details? Gee... I am about as nervous sharing the strategies as you probably are, sharing your situation. I know the domain well. I am familiar with the potential drawbacks of every single strategy and some have backfired in my face before, even whilst they have achieved much in other situations. Hence, I know that it is possible to critique every single strategy. Like everything else in this world of ours, every strategy is both good and bad.
Tisha, I hope you don't mind that I got you into this. Do let me know if you're not keen to post this publicly. We can work through PM. And sorry ah.... everyone, I'm just trying to prevent a situation where I might be flamed/negatively judged for sharing. I kinda feel like I am putting my head on the block for people to chop off.
Also, next week will be somewhat busy so I may not respond so fast... but I will respond. As long as I am not flamed for sharing in good faith what I know and have done, I am happy to help other Mommies.[/quote]No problem, take your time.
:thankyou: -
:welcome: Tisha, sounds good to me! Hope I can help some... I know how you feel because just before I took my son over from Grandma's care... he was like a big stone. Push very hard, move little bit. I left out some questions though...
(9) What is your child's least favourite subject? How does he approach it?
(10) What is your child's teacher like?
(11) How is the relationship between the teacher and your child? -
Chenonceau:
Also, I rather think that I have been quite stupid to have put my professional reputation on the line in a public forum such as this. Firstly, I dunno where to start. I can't possibly put down close to 2 decades of consulting experience in motivation here. I don't know where to start. Secondly, psychology is an imprecise science and whatever I write is bound to have its detractors.... and some are more rude than others. So... I am a bit nervous.
As such, please forgive me for sketching some preliminaries as means to protect myself
No Strategy Works in Every Situation
Many parents know that what works with one child in one situation, won't work with another. What works in one family won't work in another. Motivation recipe strategies need to be developed for specific situations. This is important to note upfront because there will be those who will say \"I tried this, and it doesn't work\"... \"I tried that, and it doesn't work\".
In some situations I would suggest setting IMPOSSIBLE GOALS.
In others, I would suggest TOO EASY GOALS. In some situations, I would advocate allowing failure to happen. In others, I would say that failure is to be avoided. There is no magic bullet just as there is no magic food. Green tea has been touted as good and healthy but in some situations it leads to an overgrowth of intestinal yeast and results in candidiasis of the gut.
Motivation Strategies Carry No Value Judgment (for me)
It is all too human to pass judgment. We all do it. Such and such a strategy is good/bad. Such and such a food is good/bad. But as a researcher-consultant in human motivation, I approach strategies and foods without trying to judge good/bad. I merely note their observable effects. Coffee is universally acknowledged as bad for health. Nonetheless, people with gallbladder problems can reduce their incidence of gallbladder surgery by 28% by drinking 4 cups of coffee a day. Coffee has that effect. It also has other more well-known effects.
Something is good/bad/right/wrong only with regards to specific situations. As such, please forgive me if I refrain from participating in any longdrawn debate about whether or not a strategy on its own is good/bad/evil/saintly. I'm also not keen to go into the realm of BELIEFS. What readers believe is well and good. Debating what I believe and what you believe is unproductive. Strategies have observable effects or not. They have positive effects in some situations and nefarious ones in others... and sometimes the same strategy has both good and bad effects in the SAME situation. Hence, this is not meant to be an esoteric discussion about beliefs and faith. It's just about strategies with predictable EFFECTS in specific situations... without any attempt at judging the moral value of any strategy.
Simply, if the forum reader's beliefs/values/emotional experience lead him/her to conclude that some of the proposed strategies are bad, it is entirely the forum reader's prerogative.
Chenonceau,
I have always enjoyed reading your posts. You take the time to pen your thoughts and share your experience and I :thankyou: for that. :salute:
We don't live in a cookie cutter world, where every mould is the same. Every situation, every household and every child is different. And sometimes, there's no one size solution that fits all. It's always good to read about another person's perspective and what they do. So we take what is needed and feels right. And in doing so, hopefully, we customise what is relevant that best fits our needs.
:celebrate: -
schweppes:
Hi Schweppes, :welcome: . I actually have learnt a great deal here too... and it is nice to hang out in cyberspace with the P5 and P6 parents like jtoh, janet, tinkerbelle and many others because I've been so depressed over DS' Math lately. Now that I have got his Chinese on track, I realize we've dropped the other 2 balls like a ton of bricks and there are only SIX weeks to SA1.Chenonceau,
I have always enjoyed reading your posts. You take the time to pen your thoughts and share your experience and I :thankyou: for that. :salute:
We don't live in a cookie cutter world, where every mould is the same. Every situation, every household and every child is different. And sometimes, there's no one size solution that fits all. It's always good to read about another person's perspective and what they do. So we take what is needed and feels right. And in doing so, hopefully, we customise what is relevant that best fits our needs.
:celebrate:
I help others and others help me. So, :thankyou: back!! -
Hi Chenonceau,
I've always enjoyed reading your posts. I hope you're not discouraged from posting your thoughts because of the 'ruder than some' responses that sometimes take place.
All the best to your son on his Math. There's still time to work on it. And I read on the RV post that you're considering RV for Little Boy. My immediate thought was that Wow! His Chinese must have improved to such a level that you're confident of placing him in a SAP school. Kudos to you! I'm sure you'll be able to do the same with his Math and Science. Good luck!
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