How to develop self motivation in children?
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Busymom:
Ahhh.. same challenge with both my kids. DD is in P2 and DS K2. DD is a bit behind in her piano progress. Not her fault but cos we had a teacher who was not very consistent. Changed a new teacher and that delayed her going for her grade 1 exams. DD will go through spurts. Periods where she will be very interested in playing some pieces and periods where she simply can't be bothered. She will be going for her exams this year and to get her to practice her exam pieces, I showed her clips of kids playing those pieces and told her I want to be able to post a clip of her playing those pieces on facebook so that all my friends can view her playing. She likes to perform and loves an audience so that is a motivation for DD.This is always an interesting topic for me. I am currently reading a book that has been strongly recommended by Tamarind in this forum: 好妈妈胜过好老师. It is a good book and I agree with many of the pointers written by the author. I haven't finished the book, however, I also wonder if the author has not been just lucky that her child is intelligent and matured even as a baby... GWIM?
I have a girl and a boy (younger). Both their personality and strengths/weaknesses are so different that what works on one does not necessarily work on the other. I constantly think if it is the gender that is causing the difference (e.g. boy more interested in playing with cars than in reading books), as in girls mature faster than boys or are stronger in languages (although he is more matured in some ways and did better in his tests than her at the same age in the same chinese enrichment class), or because he has some inborn issues that I am not aware of (can read \"this\", but cannot read \"This\" or vice versa in the Peter and Jane book), or because I have spent relatively less time with him as compared to his sister...? So, he is still very much a work-in-progress. He likes us to read to him (both English and Chinese books), but we couldn't get him to read aloud for us at all. Any pointer on how we could \"motivate\" him to read aloud on his own? The only book that we have tried to get him to read aloud is the Peter and Jane book. And even that, we usually have to \"bribe\" him with something, like watching Dora for instance.
As for my girl, my biggest challenge is to get her to practise her violin everyday. In her book, the author of 好妈妈胜过好老师 wrote that we should not force our child to do what they do not like. Well, does that mean that if our child does not like to go to school or attend a class, we just let it be? When it comes to music, maybe it is alright to let go, but a line has to be drawn somewhere. It cannot be that each time the child doesn't want to do something, we just let her. She wants to learn violin, but she is lazy to practise it everyday. Should I threaten to stop the lesson if she doesn't practise? Or should I incentivise her daily practice (like half an hour of practice will get her to read her favourite book)? I have gotten angry with her, gotten angry with myself, hugged and praised her, whatever. Still can't get her to practise constantly without my nagging or reminders. Am I expecting too much from a child?
There are others, but let's start with these 2. Any ideas, greatly welcomed.
DS is a different story. He only started learning a month ago as I could not get the teacher to fit him into her schedule. He needs to do finger exercises and is not playing full songs yet. As such he does not find it interesting. I am not pushing him yet, just 5 mins is all I am asking of him and he will do it. But need to nag him into it. I am hoping that as he progresses, he will be more motivated. -
Vevey:
Ha ha, tell me about it .... DH allows himself to be taken advantage of ... though he is beginning to get stricter now because I believe he is finally seeing the 'light'
Another story when daddy is ard. :roll: Both kids really take advantage of DH but well, that's his choice!
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Busymom:
Thank you Busymom :hugs::imanisland: autumnbronze
:hugs:
I too, don't believe in hitting, but had to do it once on dd's bare bottom when she was at the terrible-2 age and I was pregnant and at home while maid was on home leave at that time. :oops:
Never really had to hit her since, except recently about 2 weeks ago... a case of rudeness.
Still, I don't believe in using the cane and pray that I don't ever have to use that. -
autumnbronze:
Ya ya ya! OUR DHs must b good friends! :lol:
Ha ha, tell me about it .... DH allows himself to be taken advantage of ... though he is beginning to get stricter now because I believe he is finally seeing the 'light'Vevey:
Another story when daddy is ard. :roll: Both kids really take advantage of DH but well, that's his choice!
But I wish he would send a more consistent msg to the kids tho. :roll: -
Have to make a child feels 'poor' and he would be motivated to work harder to get out of perceived poverty :idea:
It's through regular reinforcement.
1. Educate them that money is in limited quantity.
Have to be 'mean' sometimes. Don't satisfy their every whim and fulfill all their wishes. Teach them to differentiate between needs and wants. Of course we must lead by example. Practice what we preach.
2. Sell the concept 先苦后甜
The drive to succeed can only come from within the child. The point to drive across is to work hard now 先苦后甜. At least with the right attitude, there's a chance the child would make it in life.
If the child feels complacent, thinking he can always fall back on daddy mummy & he's already enjoying the 甜 part, why would he try so hard?
Similar mindset to those born with silver spoon but the irony is a lot of kids have such mindset even though they aren't exactly born with silver spoon. I hope they don't expect their parents to extend retirement age to support their car instalment?
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Vevey:
Ya ya ya! OUR DHs must b good friends! :lol:
Ha ha, tell me about it .... DH allows himself to be taken advantage of ... though he is beginning to get stricter now because I believe he is finally seeing the 'light'autumnbronze:
[quote=\"Vevey\"]
Another story when daddy is ard. :roll: Both kids really take advantage of DH but well, that's his choice!
But I wish he would send a more consistent msg to the kids tho. :roll:[/quote]Hi vevey,
I've moved this discussion into a new thread, to avoid going Off Topic.
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=387406#387406
I will inform mods to move some of the posts there. -
Funz:
DS is a different story. He only started learning a month ago as I could not get the teacher to fit him into her schedule. He needs to do finger exercises and is not playing full songs yet. As such he does not find it interesting. I am not pushing him yet, just 5 mins is all I am asking of him and he will do it. But need to nag him into it. I am hoping that as he progresses, he will be more motivated.
Hi,
For fear of going OT, I'd PMed u abt this & would like to hv ur advice.
Thanks! -
Chenonceau:
[quote](1) How old is your child, and gender?:welcome: Tisha, sounds good to me! Hope I can help some... I know how you feel because just before I took my son over from Grandma's care... he was like a big stone. Push very hard, move little bit. I left out some questions though...
(9) What is your child's least favourite subject? How does he approach it?
(10) What is your child's teacher like?
(11) How is the relationship between the teacher and your child?
(2) What is the child's personality?
(3) What is your personality/or the personality of the primary caregiver?
(4) What is your child's favourite activity? How does he approach it? How did he start?
(5) What is your child's favourite subject? How does he approach it?
(6) Describe in as much detail as you can, how you get your child to work at home.
(7) Describe your child's siblings (personality) and their approach to school.
(8 ) What are your child's grades like?[/quote]Thankyou very much for willing to help. Hope more parents benefit by your tips/advice.
Here are the answers to your Qs.
Lets call him Pip(instead of me saying my DS and you saying your DS) so that it is easy to refer for both you and me.
Pip is a 12 year old boy. He is in P6 this year. He confident, easy-going and of inquisitve and exploring nature. He is smart but lazy.
I would describe myself as a warm, friendly person who is also an optimist. As a parent inspite of being strict on discipline I share a very close and open relationship with my child. He can easily confide in me and knows that I never scold for being honest(whatever the offence!).
Pip's favourite activity is reading. I used to take him the library when he was 2 year old. He love to read so, do I. If left to his own devices, he could easily while away the whole day on his bed reading his favourite books(even if he is reading it for the nth time).
If I have to pick a favourite subject, then it would be English I guess. He is more willing to do the english assesment/past exam papers. Next would be maths. How does he approach it - with mild reluctance. Basically he is vary lazy when it comes to studies.
Pip's least favourite subject is Mother Tongue. He finds it too difficult and always chooses to do MT homework last and makes enough excuses to avoid any extra revision. It is really uphill task to get any MT revision done.
Pip is the only child.
Currently his grades range from 70s-80s.
The current form teacher(continued from P5) is great. She is capable of disciplining the students in a rational way without resorting to screaming and scolding all the time. Is competent at teaching her subjects well. The maths teacher even though has excellent teaching skills is not very patient.
One comment I constantly hear from teachers is that Pip goes into a dreamworld in class. He does not pay attention.
Chenonceau, I've sent you pm with more details. -
Busymom:
This is always an interesting topic for me. I am currently reading a book that has been strongly recommended by Tamarind in this forum: 好妈妈胜过好老师. It is a good book and I agree with many of the pointers written by the author. I haven't finished the book, however, I also wonder if the author has not been just lucky that her child is intelligent and matured even as a baby... GWIM?
Is there a english translation of this book? I can't read chinese?[quote]
I have a girl and a boy (younger). Both their personality and strengths/weaknesses are so different that what works on one does not necessarily work on the other. I constantly think if it is the gender that is causing the difference (e.g. boy more interested in playing with cars than in reading books), as in girls mature faster than boys or are stronger in languages (although he is more matured in some ways and did better in his tests than her at the same age in the same chinese enrichment class), or because he has some inborn issues that I am not aware of (can read \"this\", but cannot read \"This\" or vice versa in the Peter and Jane book), or because I have spent relatively less time with him as compared to his sister...? So, he is still very much a work-in-progress. He likes us to read to him (both English and Chinese books), but we couldn't get him to read aloud for us at all. Any pointer on how we could \"motivate\" him to read aloud on his own? The only book that we have tried to get him to read aloud is the Peter and Jane book. And even that, we usually have to \"bribe\" him with something, like watching Dora for instance.
As for my girl, my biggest challenge is to get her to practise her violin everyday. In her book, the author of 好妈妈胜过好老师 wrote that we should not force our child to do what they do not like. Well, does that mean that if our child does not like to go to school or attend a class, we just let it be? When it comes to music, maybe it is alright to let go, but a line has to be drawn somewhere. It cannot be that each time the child doesn't want to do something, we just let her. She wants to learn violin, but she is lazy to practise it everyday. Should I threaten to stop the lesson if she doesn't practise? Or should I incentivise her daily practice (like half an hour of practice will get her to read her favourite book)? I have gotten angry with her, gotten angry with myself, hugged and praised her, whatever. Still can't get her to practise constantly without my nagging or reminders. Am I expecting too much from a child?
There are others, but let's start with these 2. Any ideas, greatly welcomed. :D[/quote]That will completely defeat the purpose, isn't it? Self motivation is not about dangling carrots, is it?
I cannot offer your any tips but can completely empathaise with you? Dunno which trick to pull out of my bag? :? -
Hi... there is one obvious one that I will share now. I will slowly think through the other possibilities but maybe tomorrow cannot log on. Anyway, this needs some thought. Let's address the issue of LAZY.
To begin, let me familiarize you with the notion of self-concept. Your self-concept is your definition of yourself. Are you lazy/irresponsible/playful etc... Research shows that people are motivated to behave in a manner consistent with their self-concepts. If your self-concept includes the notion \"lazy\", then you will behave accordingly.
You could try to re-design your child's self-concept. This is easier to do when the child is 2 or 3 but it is not too late for Pip. More importantly, it is urgent. Pip can be easier helped if he stops believing he is lazy (that is... I am assuming he does... this may not be true).
Self-concept drives behavior. It exerts a subtle but very powerful motivating force. I will not go into the hows and whys here. To illustrate the power of self-concept, here is a story.
Humanities People Can't Handle Math
I know a group of girls selected to enter a special class called the Humanities Programme. As the name suggests, the Humanities Programme offers an advanced curriculum in the Humanities subjects such as Literature, History and Geography. Collectively, the class was known as the “HP Girls”, with an emphasis on the “H” for “Humanities”.
Thanks to this label, the girls saw themselves as good at the Humanities and bad at Math. “That’s why we’re called HP, you see. We’re not supposed to be any good in Math. We're good at languages.”, they explained to their Teachers when the exam results at the end of Secondary Three were analyzed. The HP Girls had collectively managed to rank last of all the classes in Math.
The Teachers couldn’t make sense of it because to make it into the Humanities Programme in the first place, the girls had to be good in Math too. When they were picked from the Secondary Two cohort, the individual girls were all at the top of their respective classes – or close.
The poor Math Teacher for that class that year must have gotten a heart attack because a class of talented girls had dropped all the way to the bottom of the heap in Math. What’s more, the Math teacher was one of the best the school had, and a terribly conscientious one too!!
In early Secondary Four, the Form Teacher went in guns-a-firing at the notion that Humanities students are not supposed to be good at Math. He showed them the analysis of their Math results in Secondary Two and Secondary Three. He confronted them with the flaw in their logic with incontrovertible evidence, and asked a question the girls had no answer. “How come, all of you were did well in Math for Secondary Two if you’re all supposed to be Math Idiots?!” he boomed from the height of his small head on wide shoulders and a beefy body.
The Math scores at the end of Secondary Four went back up to where they were supposed to be. You see, people behave in a manner consistent with their self-concept. Hence, be wary of the labels you or others attach to your child.
Possible Step-by-Step to Self-Concept Redesign (please adapt the steps according to situation)
(1) Keep a watch out for behavior that illustrates \"diligence\". No child is 100% lazy. You stalk the kid enough, you will catch something that you can call \"diligence\". (2) Catch diligent behavior and describe it clearly in the form of effusive praise. Feign surprise. \"Wow! You are diligent!\"Pip is too old for labels alone to work. You need incontrovertible evidence of his diligence that you can show him. So stalk him and catch them. Then show him.
(3) Repeat this often. Catch more diligent behaviors.
(4) Talk to him and say that no one is born lazy and that somewhere inside there is a little boy who knows the value of hard work. See that dim spark of diligence fire left ... and bring it out into the open so he knows it's there and the whole world (Grandma and Grandpa etc...) can see it's there.
(5) Believe in him and from the light in your eyes, let him find the passion to believe in himself.
For Mommies with Toddlers
For parents with younger children, you may wish to note that little children do not have a defined self-concept. You are the the Chief Architect of their self-concepts.
Your child believes what you say of him. They are not at an age where their psyche is strong enough to deny the negative self you show to them, if you decide to do so. If you say the kid is naughty often enough, and you pick up on naughty things often enough, you design the notion \"naughty\" into his self-concept. It's a bit like showing a baby a reflection of himself with horns drawn on his head. He believes the reflection of himself in your eyes. It is never too early to begin to design elements of the self-concept that predispose the child to academic excellence
- intelligent
- diligent
- likes to learn things
- determined
- not afraid to fail
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