Growing apart

[EatNonStop]

Jennifer:

cwc:

So dun neglect each other, try to spend some time together.

Easier said than done, esp when he works for long hours. Any balance time left, he also likes to do his own things. By the time he is free, it is my sleep hours liao.

Gosh...

After work, whatever time left were spend on kids and hubby likes to do his own things. And Yes, by the time he frees up, I zzzzzzzzzzzz liao

[Funz]

As a couple we have drifted apart, come together, drifted apart, and now trying to come together again.


DH and I have very different interests. He loves golf, I don't get the game. I'm a voracious reader, he falls asleep 2 pages into a book. He likes war movies, I hate them, I prefer action adventure/ thrillers. Even when we were doing up our house, we argued, he is classic chinese, I am contemporary minimalist. He can be flamboyant in his dressing, I am functional/practical. He's a spender, I'm a saver. Haha.

We used to take a day off each month to just go shopping or have high tea but with his current job a bit difficult. We are now trying to negotiate with the kids for a date night but they are so used to having me around all the time they say daddy can go mummy have to look after us. Honestly, we are also a bit half hearted about it. Need to put in more effort. Strong relationship between husband and wife means positive, happy kids.

[HappyFaye]

cwc:

Jennifer:

[quote=\"cwc\"]for the last 23 years

U know your hubby for so many years?
Our marriage is going into its 16th year.

Yah loh....marathon......classmates in JC1 and together until now
Marriage going into 15th year soon.....really what people call 老夫老妻。
But then, 'Upstairs' not fair lah, woman always age faster

HALO.....dun start counting my age.....[/quote]Oh no, we have another thing in common!

I know dh for 25yrs, together for 23yrs, marriage into 12th years.

I guess it helps a lot when dh is a chatterbox. Dh loves to talk to me and close friends. Both of us are in the same business n we work from home most of the time. In fact, sometimes I feel we see each other too often that we need breather. :oops:

Dh loves to drag me for breakfast and afternnon tea time and occasional supper... im getting very round... but have to say that these are excellent bonding times

[EatNonStop]

Funz:

. We are now trying to negotiate with the kids for a date night but they are so used to having me around all the time they say daddy can go mummy have to look after us. .

My kids say the same thing

[BeContented]

EatNonStop:

Funz:

. We are now trying to negotiate with the kids for a date night but they are so used to having me around all the time they say daddy can go mummy have to look after us. .

My kids say the same thing

How old are the kids? Well, initially we/I gave in....after a while, we felt that the children are old enough and they are just being teh.....so what we do is to wait till it's close to their bedtime before going out.

PS : my kids have to be on bed ~9.30 to 10pm everyday

[BeContented]

HappyFaye:

Oh no, we have another thing in common!


I know dh for 25yrs, together for 23yrs, marriage into 12th years.

I guess it helps a lot when dh is a chatterbox. Dh loves to talk to me and close friends. Both of us are in the same business n we work from home most of the time. In fact, sometimes I feel we see each other too often that we need breather. :oops:

Dh loves to drag me for breakfast and afternnon tea time and occasional supper... im getting very round... but have to say that these are excellent bonding times

Ha I c......we are the marathon runners.......
My DH quite serious and quiet.....I'm the chatterbox. B4 he picked up cycling last year, he was bugging me on what to do when he's bored..... I was telling him to get off my back cos' i wanna play iphone & watch korean drama, lazy to go out cos' very tired at end of day

Now that I'm off the craze and he's into cycling, it's just nice for us. On days he's exercising, I'll do my own stuff.....
It's good that your DH loves to bring you out for food....actually I do see a lot of loving old couples doing that....I agree it's good bonding time.

ROUND......tell me about it I grew 3 sizes larger since the day DH knew me. From S to XL....fortunately, now back to L, having tough time getting back to M with all my food intakes.....

[3Boys]

Jennifer:

cwc:

So dun neglect each other, try to spend some time together.

Easier said than done, esp when he works for long hours. Any balance time left, he also likes to do his own things. By the time he is free, it is my sleep hours liao.

Gosh...

Jennifer, if I may, on this front, you do need to put your foot down and insist on some quality time. It is very easy for a man to get consumed by his work and suddenly it becomes a convenient excuse to stay away from dealing with domestic issues, including keeping the wife happy. I have in the past drifted in and out of that mode and am thankful for my DW who pulled me back each time (she started gently and became more insistent if there was no change).

[BeContented]

3Boys:

Jennifer:

[quote=\"cwc\"]So dun neglect each other, try to spend some time together.

Easier said than done, esp when he works for long hours. Any balance time left, he also likes to do his own things. By the time he is free, it is my sleep hours liao.

Gosh...

Jennifer, if I may, on this front, you do need to put your foot down and insist on some quality time. It is very easy for a man to get consumed by his work and suddenly it becomes a convenient excuse to stay away from dealing with domestic issues, including keeping the wife happy. I have in the past drifted in and out of that mode and am thankful for my DW who pulled me back each time (she started gently and became more insistent if there was no change).[/quote]Coming from a man....I'm sure he knows his own species well enough
I think it's true too....they will have the mentality that BreadWinner deal with outside world, SAHM supposed to settle all the domestic issue and forget that we need to have time & life outside chores, kids, In-Laws, maids etc. My DH is basically a homely person but yet when left alone, yah, he'll blend into the HOME/SOFA/TV/INTERNET. That's why I start to chio chio him for simple little things like watching movie together (MioTV also can), supper, snack, a walk if weather is cooling etc.
Also try to do things within radius of 3m of each other.....make your presence felt (I used to hide in room for air-con.....)

I have read before \"Man like to give solution, solve problems\". If we everything ba-ke-liao....they see no need to help or interfere. Maybe sometimes mustn't be so MACHO-woman hee hee :celebrate:

[Jennifer]

cwc:

Coming from a man....I'm sure he knows his own species well enough

I think it's true too....they will have the mentality that BreadWinner deal with outside world, SAHM supposed to settle all the domestic issue and forget that we need to have time & life outside chores, kids, In-Laws, maids etc. My DH is basically a homely person but yet when left alone, yah, he'll blend into the HOME/SOFA/TV/INTERNET. That's why I start to chio chio him for simple little things like watching movie together (MioTV also can), supper, snack, a walk if weather is cooling etc.
Also try to do things within radius of 3m of each other.....make your presence felt (I used to hide in room for air-con.....)

I have read before \"Man like to give solution, solve problems\". If we everything ba-ke-liao....they see no need to help or interfere. Maybe sometimes mustn't be so MACHO-woman hee hee :celebrate:

I think the mentality is hard to break, both for him and me. His father was a self employed man who only rest on CNY period and May Day. It was all work. BUT then, there was no internet and computers and 3G mobile phones, only TV. He grows up in this type of environment, so he does not see anything inappropriate with his current lifestyle \"If I am not hardworking, who's going to give you allowance? who's going to pay for the boys' tuition, etc\". Money- sth we cant do w/o.

Now with this high tech lifestyle, I think it is very easier for a person to become a workaholic. More so for him now that he is into a partnership biz.

I am not a clingy wife, quite independent in working around the hse and the children. Since babyhood, toddlerhood and even now, my boys will only look for me when they need sth. I am like what cwc said \"ba-ke-liao\" type. My late granny taught me this : do not think of depending on others if you can do it yourself.

Today's a PH. He is working.

His late nights on internet with overseas customers are taking a toil on his health. He claims his memory is poorer now. Told him not to sleep too late, but my advice falls on deaf ears.

I hv bn wondering whether I wld become like those dutiful wives (in drama) who finally passed away when the husbands decide they hv worked enough n now wish to spend more time with family but could not do so anymore becos the wife is dead and children all grown up and drifted away liao

[3Boys]

Jennifer:

I think the mentality is hard to break, both for him and me. His father was a self employed man who only rest on CNY period and May Day. It was all work. BUT then, there was no internet and computers and 3G mobile phones, only TV. He grows up in this type of environment, so he does not see anything inappropriate with his current lifestyle \"If I am not hardworking, who's going to give you allowance? who's going to pay for the boys' tuition, etc\". Money- sth we cant do w/o.

Now with this high tech lifestyle, I think it is very easier for a person to become a workaholic. More so for him now that he is into a partnership biz.

I am not a clingy wife, quite independent in working around the hse and the children. Since babyhood, toddlerhood and even now, my boys will only look for me when they need sth. I am like what cwc said \"ba-ke-liao\" type. My late granny taught me this : do not think of depending on others if you can do it yourself.

Today's a PH. He is working.

His late nights on internet with overseas customers are taking a toil on his health. He claims his memory is poorer now. Told him not to sleep too late, but my advice falls on deaf ears.

I hv bn wondering whether I wld become like those dutiful wives (in drama) who finally passed away when the husbands decide they hv worked enough n now wish to spend more time with family but could not do so anymore becos the wife is dead and children all grown up and drifted away liao

Its your life Jennifer, so you have to make the choices. But if you feel you want things to be different (and I am assuming you are, since you started the thread), then you've got to take concrete action and not just wish for it. Personally, the most important thing about our short time on this earth is the relationships we form with people. Who wishes on his death bed that he had spent more time in the office or spoke with a few more clients? Its a crying shame to be with a life partner but not actually enjoying time together. Be the brave wife and make the change, don't be the heroic wife and endure the dissatisfaction.

My 2 cents

Cheers