All About Teaching Values

[jedamum]

breguet:

Hi, the nit picker in me wants to point out that there are two separate discussions going on here. The first is character development. The second is EQ. They're not the same although they are entwined to a certain degree.

:lol: You are pretty sharp.....somehow it is not entirely correct to lump nurturing of EQ into character development. I should have just start another thread... :oops:

[breguet]

jedamum:

:lol: You are pretty sharp.....somehow it is not entirely correct to lump nurturing of EQ into character development. I should have just start another thread... :oops:

Two sides of same coin lah!

[mumwgals]

The value I tried to instil in my kids, "Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do to you".

[ZacK]

Personally I feel that it is every parent's responsibility to inculcate the right values in their kids. I have known of some parents who have a very hands-off approach and actually expect the school/teachers to do that part of the work ... I have heard of some parents who use \"teacher will be angry\" or \"police will catch you etc...\" whenever their kids do not behave. Why should these parents undermine their own authority or shirk their responsibility, why can't they tell their kids that they will be angry and will not condone their child's undesirable behaviour? :?


Having said the above... I agree that imparting the right values begin at home and parents should lead by example for their kids to emulate.

- Honesty:
Although I have yet to face the problem that CKS has with his son regarding honesty ... I hope to be able to impress upon my son that it is alright to make mistakes, what is more important is to admit the mistake, bear the consequence and move on by not repeating the mistake again... By so doing I hope that he will learn to be responsible for his own actions.

If I know that my son did something wrong, I will explain to him why he did wrong and what are the consequences (some wrongdoing may warrant a spank on his palm or some may be let off with a warning depending on the severity) to his wrongdoing. Thereafter, I will hug and kiss him to let him know that we still love him regardless and stress to him to be mindful not to repeat it again. I think kids have the fear that their parents may not \"want\" them as much if they admit their mistakes, thus explaining why they are hesitant to tell the truth... So if we can help them to overcome this fear and that we will still \"want\" them regardless... Hopefully this will make them less fearful and more forthcoming in telling the truth.


- Social Grace and Courtesy:
Both my wife and I say thank you and sorry not to the extent of using it loosely... But we do use these two phrases very frequently whether at home or in public. This was not a conscious effort on our part but I have noticed that our son says thank you without being asked to do so whenever he receives something or when someone does a kind gesture for him

As explained in another thread, I do not condone bad behaviour by our son especially in public when he is a nuisance to others. He knows what is expected of him and how he should be behaving. If I need to punish him outside of home after he fails to heed the warning, I will bring him to a private area where others will not see him and may spank his palm or bum. This is followed by a hug and kiss to remind him that there is no love lost.


- Nothing is \"free\"/Everything comes at a cost:
Like many parents, we gave our son things that he always wanted. However, it dawned on me recently that I could be giving our son the \"false\" sense that things could be attained very easily without having to work for it.

Some weeks back, my son and I went to get a can of Lychee (one of his fav dessert) as a reward for good behaviour when we were out. After picking up the can of Lychee, he saw two boxes of biscuits that he wanted very much as well. Not wanting him to feel that things could be obtained so easily, I gave him a budget of $3 (this only allowed him to buy 2 of the 3 items that he wanted) to spend on... Wow I really felt bad (as he was very well behaved that day) when he started crying and \"begging\" me to get the items he wanted. Anyway I stuck to my ground and he finally chose the 2 box of biscuits over his fav can of Lychee :?

Well being the soft hearted dad of his... He got his can of Lychee the following day hahaha...

May not be easy for him to grapple with this \"theory\" given his age... Hopefully in time to come, I hope he will understand that life is not always a bed of roses and wants are many but resources limited... So he has to learn given his limited resources what are the choices that he should make to best meet his wants.

[jedamum]

ZacK:

- Nothing is \"free\"/Everything comes at a cost:
Like many parents, we gave our son things that he always wanted. However, it dawned on me recently that I could be giving our son the \"false\" sense that things could be attained very easily without having to work for it.

Hi Zack,
Giving a budget is a great idea.
Generally our practise at home is that if the stuff is not costly and that it is not a habit of the kid to ask for stuff everytime, we usually relent to his request with the explanation that our agreement should not be taken for granted and that any future request is still subject to the parent's final word.

[cmm]

wow Zack, I admire u for standing your grounds on the budget thingy…I often face the same problem but the cannot-bear-the-disappointed-look-on-my-girl’s-face feeling almost always ensures that she gets what she wants…

[mumwgals]

ZacK:

- Nothing is \"free\"/Everything comes at a cost:

In my elder dd's old sch, the bookshop was open concept, not over the counter stall, thus the children can do 'shopping' during their recess time. I was really surprise at the spending power of the children. My kids been taught to ask for permission before they can buy anything, and I will reason out with them if they really need to purchase the item/s.

[breguet]

ZacK:

Personally I feel that it is every parent's responsibility to inculcate the right values in their kids. I have known of some parents who have a very hands-off approach and actually expect the school/teachers to do that part of the work ... I have heard of some parents who use \"teacher will be angry\" or \"police will catch you etc...\" whenever their kids do not behave. Why should these parents undermine their own authority or shirk their responsibility, why can't they tell their kids that they will be angry and will not condone their child's undesirable behaviour? :?

Zack, totally agree. Can't leave it to anyone, because no-one has any direct vested interest except the family. Worse, the parent will have no authority on a stand alone basis if they delegate the responsibility to someone else. I'm a bit old fashioned here, but I believe that kids should know their place - they should have some understanding that they need to have guidance.

I really like the budget idea. I'm trying (aarghh!) to do this and when I give my son what wasn't within the budget, I disguise it as part of something else later. Maybe I should think of it as the natural consequence of choice and save it up for the next time (like really, the next time) that he deserves it.

[ZacK]

Actually the idea was not my own but I read it somewhere and decided that it made sense :lol:


Brought my son to the supermarket again today. As he was agreeable during lunch today, told him that we could stop by the supermarket to grab Yakult for him... This time round while on the way there I reminded him that he could get anything (Yakult inclusive) up to a value of S$3.

At the supermarket, saw that canned lychee was on offer and picked up a can... Never did I expect my son to go \"Noooo papa, we had lychee yesterday, so we don't have to buy it today...\" Hmmm caught me by surprise as he had never said No to lychee before :shock:

Anyway, found the Yakult and took a pack of 5... It cost S$2.85... Told him that a pack is $2.85 and 2 packs would cost almost $6... So I tested him if we could get 2 packs? He said we don't have enough $$ for 2 packs so just get 1 would be enough.

Hmmm... Wonder if it was fluke or was he just really in a good mood ... We took the pack of Yakult, gave him $3 and queued with him to make payment. This time round was really effortless as there was no crying or begging that I had to deal with.

Have decided to adopt the same approach for his birthday and Xmas where he'll be given a budget of $40 on each occasion to get whatever he wants.

Hopefully by doing this... He'll learn to appreciate that resources are limited and he needs to choose wisely on how he should utilise his resources to meet his wants.

[breguet]

ZacK:

Actually the idea was not my own but I read it somewhere and decided that it made sense :lol:


Brought my son to the supermarket again today. As he was agreeable during lunch today, told him that we could stop by the supermarket to grab Yakult for him... This time round while on the way there I reminded him that he could get anything (Yakult inclusive) up to a value of S$3.

At the supermarket, saw that canned lychee was on offer and picked up a can... Never did I expect my son to go \"Noooo papa, we had lychee yesterday, so we don't have to buy it today...\" Hmmm caught me by surprise as he had never said No to lychee before :shock:

Anyway, found the Yakult and took a pack of 5... It cost S$2.85... Told him that a pack is $2.85 and 2 packs would cost almost $6... So I tested him if we could get 2 packs? He said we don't have enough $$ for 2 packs so just get 1 would be enough.

Hmmm... Wonder if it was fluke or was he just really in a good mood ... We took the pack of Yakult, gave him $3 and queued with him to make payment. This time round was really effortless as there was no crying or begging that I had to deal with.

Have decided to adopt the same approach for his birthday and Xmas where he'll be given a budget of $40 on each occasion to get whatever he wants.

Hopefully by doing this... He'll learn to appreciate that resources are limited and he needs to choose wisely on how he should utilise his resources to meet his wants.