Growing apart

[Jennifer]

SBKS:

basically for us, DW likes to slp. she slp most of the time and tke naps if possible. I for one do not likes to slp. cos its a waste of time.


so naturally, once my 2 DD sleep, my DW sleep. so even though any together time aft kids slp is not possible. unless of cos i request explicitly i supposed.

when they wakes, she wake for work, come home, settle their stuff and slp again. so wkends, bz with the DDs, watch recorded dramas, and internet. so where got time for together?

For myself, i help with the chores of DDs, sleep when they sleep, wake up earlier like 4am to do my internet stuff and study and play game online. aka all my stuff during that period till they supposed to wake up.

so do i need to take more time off my sleep time to do together time? or during wkends some time make for together time?

From your profile, I gather your DDs are at the ages whereby they can be very challenging to look after at. Maybe your DW is really exhausted. Or she could be anaemic.

When my children were younger, I like to force them to take naps so I could too (I am anaemic). Luckily, hubby also likes to nap.

Together times for us then were mainly children related activities during weekends.

I know of some couples who leave their children with grandparents while they enjoy couple time. Is this arrangement possible?

I feel that TV/computer games hv become baby sitters not only for our children but for some adults too. If we can make an effort to do family fun activities, then the dependency on TV recorded drama/computer games could be reduced. Unless, watching the TV/playing computer games TOGETHER can maintain the couple relationship.

Just my 2cts worth.

[SBKS]

Jennifer:

SBKS:

basically for us, DW likes to slp. she slp most of the time and tke naps if possible. I for one do not likes to slp. cos its a waste of time.


so naturally, once my 2 DD sleep, my DW sleep. so even though any together time aft kids slp is not possible. unless of cos i request explicitly i supposed.

when they wakes, she wake for work, come home, settle their stuff and slp again. so wkends, bz with the DDs, watch recorded dramas, and internet. so where got time for together?

For myself, i help with the chores of DDs, sleep when they sleep, wake up earlier like 4am to do my internet stuff and study and play game online. aka all my stuff during that period till they supposed to wake up.

so do i need to take more time off my sleep time to do together time? or during wkends some time make for together time?

From your profile, I gather your DDs are at the ages whereby they can be very challenging to look after at. Maybe your DW is really exhausted. Or she could be anaemic.

When my children were younger, I like to force them to take naps so I could too (I am anaemic). Luckily, hubby also likes to nap.

Together times for us then were mainly children related activities during weekends.

I know of some couples who leave their children with grandparents while they enjoy couple time. Is this arrangement possible?

I feel that TV/computer games hv become baby sitters not only for our children but for some adults too. If we can make an effort to do family fun activities, then the dependency on TV recorded drama/computer games could be reduced. Unless, watching the TV/playing computer games TOGETHER can maintain the couple relationship.

Just my 2cts worth.

I see...my DDs are 3yo and 8mnths old. DW is still BF...so thats tiring and takes up time. grandparents taking care of kids when we working...so wkends they need to rest. so for us is bz all the way...mayeb after DW stop BF then maybe will have more time...i see how...thanks for ur suggestions.

[Jennifer]

SBKS:

i see how...thanks for ur suggestions.

All the best to you & family.

[Sotong_mum]

Jennifer:

I read that being parents, we need to grow up with our children. At different stages, we perform different roles.


What about with our spouse?

For my case, both my DH and I are growing up with our children and have neglected our own bonding. This somehow has drifted us apart to a certain extent. It has become so difficult to have our private time after work.

[smartmummy]

Jennifer:

I read that being parents, we need to grow up with our children. At different stages, we perform different roles.


What about with our spouse?

:skeptical:

[smartmummy]

I feel very fed up and I can’t read all those suggestion.It is easier said than done.No one is perfect.Some men can helpful others not.I failed to take single help from my DH.I try 200 way.I just knock my head on the wall.He simply said I don’t know how to do.From day 1 to until now.He doesn’t speak.When I said something he always said mm mm means yes.Sometimes he didn’t understand just say yes.Then next time he doesn’t know how to do.But I see here some fathers willing to take care their baby.i think depends on how they cultivate.IF their father help to mother then they also help to his wife.

[Jennifer]

smartmummy:

I feel very fed up and I can't read all those suggestion.It is easier said than done.No one is perfect.Some men can helpful others not.I failed to take single help from my DH.I try 200 way.I just knock my head on the wall.He simply said I don't know how to do.From day 1 to until now.He doesn't speak.When I said something he always said mm mm means yes.Sometimes he didn't understand just say yes.Then next time he doesn't know how to do.But I see here some fathers willing to take care their baby.i think depends on how they cultivate.IF their father help to mother then they also help to his wife.

Hugs to you.

If possible, outsource hsehold chores to part time helper.

[smartmummy]

Jennifer:

smartmummy:

I feel very fed up and I can't read all those suggestion.It is easier said than done.No one is perfect.Some men can helpful others not.I failed to take single help from my DH.I try 200 way.I just knock my head on the wall.He simply said I don't know how to do.From day 1 to until now.He doesn't speak.When I said something he always said mm mm means yes.Sometimes he didn't understand just say yes.Then next time he doesn't know how to do.But I see here some fathers willing to take care their baby.i think depends on how they cultivate.IF their father help to mother then they also help to his wife.

Hugs to you.

If possible, outsource hsehold chores to part time helper.

thanks for your comfort,My DH not allowed take part time helper as he scared for insecurity (if maid has boyfried then they will come and steal something in our house).So what can I do?

[smartmummy]

LOLMum:

never never focus all your attention on kids and neglect spouse. big mistake. i dont need all those drama, tears and heartaches when i am old.

its very true.I also have same thinking as you.I try very harder for it.when i want to communicate with my husband he doesn't want to listen.I think I should have to read \"Five love languages for family\".

You can read this thread under \"relationship\" is very useful.
How do you maintain your relationship with your spouse?

[smartmummy]

cherrygal:

Maybe I will be more submissive if I become sahm for a longer period.

if i were working i have to do all the chores or anyone else have to do.So I don't want to work.cos my husband doesn't know how to play with kids.