Elderly woman mistreated at nursing home

[BeContented]

Oppsgal:

Seems like lots of stories on MIL and DIL...


Then how? Don't stay together? How come no stories on SIL and FIL?

Not that dun, just that typically MIL are more difficult & likes to interfere into the son's family, FIL are quieter and tend to hands-off. I had some problem when FIL too when he was mobile...

I am asthmatic, my daughter too but FIL was selfish & insisted on smoking at home, light up a cigarette every 0.5 - 1 hour loh, end up DD was coughing perpetually. When we started hiding his cigarette, he would go downstairs pick up leftovers :stupid: FIL also spit out of windows despite putting tissue, dustbin all next to him.....kept using his legs to grind whatever food particles he dropped on the floor. He was also very impatient and uncooperative. Would not wait for his urine to finish n start walking out dripping all over the floor till his room. Then would sit around a few places with his wet shorts....imagine how many times I need to wipe clean & mop a day!!!! When he had to poo, must wait until last min so end up cannot make it & stained his brief or he get off before he finished. Dunno he cannot clean properly or just being impatient and dirty, sometimes smearing on the tap, basin, door, towel n even walls :mad: When we discovered the mess & tried to get him to wash up, he refused n struggled with MIL. I was shouting like mad woman so often !!! With no maid, dreaded his presence. Later, FIL diagnosed with mild dementia & stopped work, so placed him in eldercare (8am - 4pm). A few months later, he was chased out cos' uncooperative. Eventually hired a maid as the last resort before nursing home. All these while, MIL already a problem, but still bearable. Slowly FIL got frail so a lot less problematic, but MIL & maid issues also started....& MIL and DIL (aka me) also having more issues.......

It's like one lead to another no ending..........no peace......... Frankly, if you are not in the shoes....it's hard to understand the kind of frustration. Living together and visiting is a totally different scenario, it's simply not the same.

For me, if I'm healthy, dun mind living longer....but if I'm sickly or immobile, I'll rather go earlier. I have witnessed my own grandfather who lived past 90. Despite being taken care by the uncle & wife, each time I visit him, he would tear telling me or anyone his wish to go - no friends left, weak and can't move far, in constant pain, can't see/hear/eat properly. I think it's a torture.....u can call me heartless, but I think it's better to die earlier than suffer like this and that would be what I would wish for myself next time.

[pinky]

sakura_2009:

starlight1968sg:

Eventually we will all grow old, fall sick and die.

That's true, although the question here is how the person dies when the person grows old. I know of friends (single) who went to special temples in Japan to pray for 'good death' (好死), hoping that when they grow old, they can die an 'easy' death, and not be tortured by some sickness or disease that goes on for years...or worse still, be sent to nursing homes and suffer years of loneliness before their time is up.

This topic is kind of morbid but the reality is there will be many elderly folks around in the next 20-30 years, and that means the probability of ending up in a nursing home is high, be it those with family members or those who are single. I really hope the government ramp up their efforts for elderly care in this area - more 'quality' nursing homes, day care centres for the elderly, more elderly-friendly facilities etc...Just had a casual chat with my foreign colleagues over lunch - most commented that Singapore is a good place to work but not a good place to grow old or retire... :sad:

and dun forget those elderly who live on their own, we often read in the papers on how they were being discoverd.. a decayed body

[Oppsgal]

cwc:

Oppsgal:

Seems like lots of stories on MIL and DIL...


Then how? Don't stay together? How come no stories on SIL and FIL?

Not that dun, just that typically MIL are more difficult & likes to interfere into the son's family, FIL are quieter and tend to hands-off. I had some problem when FIL too when he was mobile...

I am asthmatic, my daughter too but FIL was selfish & insisted on smoking at home, light up a cigarette every 0.5 - 1 hour loh, end up DD was coughing perpetually. When we started hiding his cigarette, he would go downstairs pick up leftovers :stupid: FIL also spit out of windows despite putting tissue, dustbin all next to him.....kept using his legs to grind whatever food particles he dropped on the floor. He was also very impatient and uncooperative. Would not wait for his urine to finish n start walking out dripping all over the floor till his room. Then would sit around a few places with his wet shorts....imagine how many times I need to wipe clean & mop a day!!!! When he had to poo, must wait until last min so end up cannot make it & stained his brief or he get off before he finished. Dunno he cannot clean properly or just being impatient and dirty, sometimes smearing on the tap, basin, door, towel n even walls :mad: When we discovered the mess & tried to get him to wash up, he refused n struggled with MIL. I was shouting like mad woman so often !!! With no maid, dreaded his presence. Later, FIL diagnosed with mild dementia & stopped work, so placed him in eldercare (8am - 4pm). A few months later, he was chased out cos' uncooperative. Eventually hired a maid as the last resort before nursing home. All these while, MIL already a problem, but still bearable. Slowly FIL got frail so a lot less problematic, but MIL & maid issues also started....& MIL and DIL (aka me) also having more issues.......

It's like one lead to another no ending..........no peace......... Frankly, if you are not in the shoes....it's hard to understand the kind of frustration. Living together and visiting is a totally different scenario, it's simply not the same.

For me, if I'm healthy, dun mind living longer....but if I'm sickly or immobile, I'll rather go earlier. I have witnessed my own grandfather who lived past 90. Despite being taken care by the uncle & wife, each time I visit him, he would tear telling me or anyone his wish to go - no friends left, weak and can't move far, in constant pain, can't see/hear/eat properly. I think it's a torture.....u can call me heartless, but I think it's better to die earlier than suffer like this and that would be what I would wish for myself next time.

How to go earlier if sick? No more jumping off tracks...

[concern2]

It is possible for the nursing home to have offered $$. To change his verdict, the $$ is not small. Maybe waive off all the bills…

[concern2]

But then again, I was surprised the son only said he was "不高兴” in the initial interview… I would have used stronger words!

[dex5er]

concern2:

But then again, I was surprised the son only said he was \"不高兴” in the initial interview.. I would have used stronger words!

the son changed his stand so sudden and drastically any1 could tell there was someth gg on. it would be a very sad thing if he really did it cos of $$$. makes you wonder why was the mum in the home in the 1st place...

[concern2]

There have been cases in hospitals whereby due to the fault of the hospital, they offer $$ to compensate too, by waiving the entire bill. Could be several thousands… It is one way to resolve the issue quickly.

[concern2]

What would you do if you are offered a waive of entire hospital bill, but your love one is already dead?

[hquek]

well, even if you dragged the matter longer, it doesn’t mean that the truth will come to light (seems like I watch too much DongYi on tv already). And the person who’s gone will certainly not come back.


But yes, the hurt will be there always.

[concern2]

hquek:

well, even if you dragged the matter longer, it doesn't mean that the truth will come to light ...

Agree.