my husband is a shopaholic and a toy addict.
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tamarind:
I also want ! Too bad I never specify this condition before getting marrieddeminc:
[quote=\"tamarind\"] I have even heard of husbands giving their entire salary to wives, in this day and age.
sigh, I want! I want!!
[/quote]peapot:
That wasn't my criteria either. I had more money than him when we just got marriedWa Sleepy!! He gives his whole salary toyou!!!! If only I have set this criteria while looking for a man when I was dating!!! So very naive of me. I didn't know my thinking will change as I aged!!
Over the years, it just kind of naturally evolve to our current arrangement. He simply can't be bothered with the nitty gritty of issuing cheques, doing fund transfer, SRS, that sort of stuff. So he rather pass me the task -
As with Sleepy, I do not object my hubby having a hobby. In fact, I think it is healthy. BUT the problem is his hobby ALWAYS becomes an OBSESSION. He can don’t sleep don’t eat and he will buy not only 1 or 2 pieces of what he is into. He will buy & buy. Imagine your house with more than 10 pcs of RC big trucks, > 10 RC helicopters, >100 pcs of figurines etc etc. He even bought a display shelf to display all his collections & all our family photos were downgraded to the box.
Well, I’m glad to hear that most of your husbands listen after you ladies talk to them. Too bad, mine doesn’t. Aside from that, I cannot tolerate him keep lying about the buying all those things. He will hide & lie about it. Yeah, sounds like a 10 year old boy. He always make us wait for him to be back for dinner, claiming due to work commitment,but in actual fact he was out playing his heli. I think if he can be so obsessed with his hobby, i can’t imagine when one day, he starts to get obsess with another woman.
Anyway, now I’m totally ‘‘si xin’’. I simply do not have the energy to deal with him anymore. I’ve decided to put all my attention on my kids. Although once in a while, my heart will ache as to why is it we are down the line comparing to his obsession. -
Sigh! Mistychances every family have their own difficulties. Not all husbands will listen to their wives. Mine don’t too. So now I give up talking. I just give him the cold shoulder. This will make him sit up. Why don’t you try this method?
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sleepy:
I also want ! Too bad I never specify this condition before getting marriedtamarind:
[quote=\"deminc\"]
sigh, I want! I want!!peapot:
That wasn't my criteria either. I had more money than him when we just got marriedWa Sleepy!! He gives his whole salary toyou!!!! If only I have set this criteria while looking for a man when I was dating!!! So very naive of me. I didn't know my thinking will change as I aged!!
Over the years, it just kind of naturally evolve to our current arrangement. He simply can't be bothered with the nitty gritty of issuing cheques, doing fund transfer, SRS, that sort of stuff. So he rather pass me the task[/quote]
I also had more money/savings than my hubby when we got married(coz I am good saver,he's a spender)..& he also hands me his whole salary+bonus,after deducting an amount which he needs for daily expenses+insurance etc..coz he can't be bothered with the trouble to pay bills etc..& he doesn't question how I spend the $$ coz he said I sure will manage the money much better than him & he never requested me to open a joint account at all!!
SO he doesn't really have much savings..which can be bad at times..coz when his dad need $/he need $ for something, he will have to discuss with me, & of course I will usually say yes la..
He used to be very addicted to PSP, computer games(with MANY levels type) & even Facebook games!! he was telling me things like \" I must go online, if not my plants/animals will die...etc\"..I was quite pissed off..coz I need to work & manage the household, maid, 2 kids, my daugther's homework(she was ard 4yr old,I think)..used to tell him nicely..till I shouted at him, coz I thought it's not very fair for me to do everything, while he waste time away like that, not helping much, esp for our kids..
After a big quarrel, he finally cut down,esp after his PSP died..& recently, I myself got a bit addicted to Kiasuparents website+Facebook..& he went through what I went through!! when he wanted to speak to me, I on the computer..etc..guess what he said?? \"I finally understand why u were so pissed off with me last time!\" But I told him, I learnt a lot from Kiasuparent website which benefit our kids..not like his games, no value added AT ALL!! & he agreed!!
So I think if anyone whose hubby is addicted to games, maybe can just let your hubby have a taste of his own medicine..try to get very involved in something, like a hobby(cross stitch etc)..when he talks to u, just ignore him..he should then realise how irritating it is to be ignored by u!!! or simply do things which will irritate him, & asked him how he feels?? then tell him that u are also irritated by whatever he had been doing..
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>> hi peapot - cold shoulder? yeah, i've tried that before, didn't work. He's way of dealing with me giving a cold shoulder is to let me be. He always wins coz he can tahan longer than me ;(
>>hi cool hi - yr husband stopped after his psp broke down. That's why my husband buys so many of one thing, so if one breaks down, he has a lot of back ups. I've told him before that what if I'm obsessed with something just like he does? He just, as usual, show that kind of ''poor boy kena scolding face'' nod his head, but aft 2 days, back to the same ;(
I hv tried to be get myself involved in something too, but i can never beat his level.
I used to feel very ''wei qu' thinking why is it i hv to do everything while he enjoys himself? But now after I've accepted the facts & reminding myself that 'my kids are my kids' I do things for them & help them with their work are not chores but becoz I love them. I take care of the house coz I want a clean house etc etc. There is no point for me to keep fighting with hubby over his behaviour coz as he put it ''he'll only give up his hobby when he dies''.
Of course, every now & then, my feelings will get the better of me & that''s when I need to just write about to vent my anger -
mistychances:
Hi,I felt exactly the same as u last time..feel very 'wei qu' that he can just brush my complaints aside & continue his life, while I have to bear with the responsibilities of nurturing+coaching the kids..need to think of what to cook for the kids(my kids are very picky abt food), big headache for me, but to him, he said 'if they don't eat, just starve them, when they hungry, they will eat!!\">>I used to feel very ''wei qu' thinking why is it i hv to do everything while he enjoys himself? But now after I've accepted the facts & reminding myself that 'my kids are my kids' I do things for them & help them with their work are not chores but becoz I love them. I take care of the house coz I want a clean house etc etc. There is no point for me to keep fighting with hubby over his behaviour coz as he put it ''he'll only give up his hobby when he dies''.
Of course, every now & then, my feelings will get the better of me & that''s when I need to just write about to vent my anger
He's addicted to work..he's those type who WILL NOT take fake MC, to avoid problems/stress at work..& when I need him to take child care leave, he said paiseh towards company!! & even ask him take annual leave, his answer will be\"let me check whether my staff are on leave..I have to be around..can't go away for too long..\" WTH!! I can't understand why a person who's so responsible at work, but can be so switch off for family matters..his explanantion is: his stressful work drain him out, so no energy for home!!! to make it worse, his direct superior was actually taking advantage of his responsible, not-calculative-attitude for past 10YEARS!!(that's another long story).. I had been nagging & telling him, but he didn't believe me..ONLY last year, then he 'woke up' coz when his superior(whom he supported for past 10 yrs & climbed up to become VICE PRESIDENT) forced him to go Malaysia branch but not willing to increase pay, or give allowance..& also, when she gave him his bonus, she insulted him by saying \"oh, actually u don't deserve it..but I still give it to u!!\"..she treated him like a beggar!!He was very hurt & resigned without a job(this he did discuss with me & I supported him, coz I know he had already been bearing with the injustice from his superior for > 1 year).. YET still he resigned without a job, reason he quoted, is that, he will be BETRAYING his company, if he found a job, then resign!!
After he resigned, then I realised how addicted he was, to gambling also..used to buy 4D etc..I didn't bother last time, coz he gave me whole sum of his salary, after deducting amount he needs for himself..Worst, I found out he also went to play Jackpot & owed the bank $$!! he was very depressed, especially after the insult from his superior, & went to play jackpot to vent his frustration..it was a very down period for him, coz he wasted 10 prime years in the company!! with such good working attitude, this is what he got after 10 golden years!!
He was truely regrettful over his gambling addiction..during the 6 months when he was jobless, I was helping him clear the debts & supporting the family..It was tough!! I tried to save every cent I can, to provide the kids' needs..He FINALLY appreciate & understand why I have been so thrifty..He used to scold/complain me for taking some trouble just to save some $$..& FINALLY agree that I am right..
& during the 6 mths, my helper requested to go back 4 mths earlier..so my hubby was looking after 2 kids, tried to cook for them(if I can't cook due to work..but obviously he failed in his cooking!!), coach our 5yr old girl homework, doing housework(only minimal+major 1s like floor, wash clothes), etc..that was an awakening call for him..He finally realised that it's really NOT EASY to manage a household+kids..not forgetting that it was a VERY depressing period for him, injustice from his superior+without a job..he cried+apologized to me while confessing his oversight & for throwing everything to me, for past 5-7 years, esp after our 1st child came..
That 6 mths was tough+the loss in income was very painful..but at least, we learnt a lot about each other..& appreciate each other much much more..the road ahead is still tough, coz his new job is very stressful & long hours(reach home EVERYDAY around/past midnight), but I believe we can go through it together..
at the end of my sharing, just hoping that my experience will encourage u to perservere+bear with it, for the sake of your kids..if I had given up & asked for a divorce earlier on, the situation will be totally different from now, esp for the kids..ur hubby will appreciate u someday..if not, at least, I 'm sure ur kids WILL!! Trust me!!
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>> cool hi, thank you for sharing. i’m glad to hear that your patience had helped to turn your husband around. It is really not easy and the 2 of you must be proud of making it thru together.
In my case, I think I’m the one who has changed. I realised that my huband has always been like that, even before marriage. Then, I’d join him in whatever he was into & we did have lots of fun. He was my priority.
However, ever since my first born, my main priority has shifted to my children but his priority is still himself.
I analysed & realised that perhaps it is due to our different upbringing. His parents just provide for the children & do not communicate with them. They don’t celebrate birthdays & they don’t attend any event of the children - graduation etc. His brothers are even more selfish than him.
Every now & then, I’ll let him know of my concern. But I’ll tell myself that it is difficult to change a person’s character. At the same time, I do not want to compromise on my kids. So it is easier for me to accept that fact then to fight it. Sometimes, I feel like a single parent but nowadays, I’m more receptive to the idea. -
there isnt anything wrong with having a hobby,so long as its a clean one.whats wrong with having fun?u can get ur boys to play with him too,since he likes toys.im sure as a dad he wont have a problem sharing his toys with his own kids.
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peapot:
Wa Sleepy!! He gives his whole salary toyou!!!! If only I have set this criteria while looking for a man when I was dating!!! So very naive of me. I didn't know my thinking will change as I aged!!
wheregot man,or people,so stupid one?peabrain ah?why should someone lord over another's wealth?liddat no human rights.
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