How to develop self motivation in children?
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smartmummy:
Yes... do PM and I will try to help. Sorry I didn't reply. Haven't had time to log on in ages.Hi Chenonceau!
Firstly,my heartfelt thank to Tisha for share Pip's information here.
Secondly, my heartfelt thank to Chenonceau to be more generous and give deep explanations. :salute:
Could you please help me! :imanisland:.
Can I PM to you,please? -
These days, I'm at lost. How to motivate my p1 boy. He has been taking wushu class for about 4 months now, and violin class since aug 10. He is the type who has NO motivation at all. Violin, after the novelty worn off, he refuses to practise now, no matter how I threaten to stop his class, he also won't practise, but he wants to go for lesson, just dun want to practise.
For wushu, he forgets the steps, even easy steps. Other kids (same class, some even younger than him), are doing so well, can see that they can do very well even without asking. Dun say forget the steps, even if a person shows him how to do the steps, he also can do it wrongly and without 'strength'. When he kicks, he kicks halfway, people kick high, he do it half past six.
He only has these 2 classes and he dun even do it well.
Now he said, he wants me to buy skates (after attended 3 days skate class, he can do basic skating now). But I'm afraid that he will have 三分钟热度.
He has officially stop attending violin class, and he didn't feel sad at all.
He is the type who is very 懒散，and doesn't pay attention in class, I dunno what to do with him. :?: -
Hi Smurf, people are motivated to do things they think they are good in. A sense of pride and achievement goes a long way in making a child WANT to… especially when practices are tedious.
(1) Do you give a lot of feedback for improvement?
(2) Do you make it a point to pinpoint things that he did well and highlight them with pride?
Since he chose to do the activity, you have no problem with giving choice… maybe it is a situation that arose because you’ve (or someone else) inadvertently given not enough praise and too much feedback for improvement?
Typically, when a child starts out at something, he/she has not developed enough skill that a parent can praise. However, focusing attention on specific things that were done well given that the child has only just started can increase motivational energy enough that the child will stay committed.
Another strategy is companionship. Sit with him whilst he practises and give moral support and clap a lot. Yet another is a regular schedule of practice. Regular schedules train the child to expect certain activities at a fixed time and for a fixed duration every day. It preempts all arguments about whether or not to practise. The thing is to keep the child committed enough that he/she develops some real skill, and then the good feelings that come with being competent can then naturally motivate the child. -
I got praise him leh, recently didn't. Coz nothing for me to praise...hehe...
I think you are right, these days, I only criticize him...coz I'm at lost already. Sigh...
Thank you for your reminder! I will try harder!
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smurf:
There are other strategies... but until I know more, it is hard to share, because some can have adverse effects if one is not careful. I am three quarters way through writing a book on motivational strategies. I hope that will help parents like you. But must wait a bit. So busy now.I got praise him leh, recently didn't. Coz nothing for me to praise...hehe...
I think you are right, these days, I only criticize him...coz I'm at lost already. Sigh...
Thank you for your reminder! I will try harder! -
Another strategy that I find useful with my son in lower primary is Fierce Protection of Play Time. I set aside specific days for play time, and I reward goal achievement with unstructured play time.
Sundays are play day, and when I observe that he has made good progress and has been more than usually diligent, I will give surprise play time. I always say to my son that play time is important and I act on what I say by actually cancelling assigned work if I have over assigned. This means living with less than stellar academic results in lower primary but I consider that worthwhile to build up motivational energy in P5 and P6. On one occasion, I actually took surprise leave the next day to reward my son for having been unusually focused and productive. THE WHOLE DAY was play day.
This way, the young child feels secure in the knowledge that he WILL GET TO PLAY. This stops him from trying to steal play time, and it prevents him from getting distracted by his own efforts to steal play time whenever and however.
Protect the child’s playtime with a vengeance and he will not have to do it himself and distract himself in the process. For lower primary kids, this is motivating, because they are still small and they haven’t yet experienced enough of school to achieve competence and a sense of achievement. -
But but, he can play from morning until night and still dun want to do any work. :faint:
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smurf:
But but, he can play from morning until night and still dun want to do any work. :faint:
At P1, my son same... so I let him alone and then he discovered that it wasn't fun to get poor results. He was so upfront with me. He said \"I wanna hurry up and finish my work so I can play. That's why I anyhow do.\" That's when I negotiated protected play time with him.
I'm not advocating that you do that. I don't know you and your kid well enough. But for my son, I set it up and watched him fail... and when he did, I rubbed it in. :rubhands:
P1... no good. P2... quite good. P3... no good. By the time P4 comes around, his internal drive picked up. In P5, he is determined to do well. It's a long haul. The basket of strategies involves
(1) praise and encouragement
(2) opportunities to suffer the consequences of too much play
(3) scheduling
(4) subordinate and superordinate goal setting
(5) others...
When he was suffering, I never said spitefully \"See lah... what did I say?\" Instead, I said \"So sad that you did not do well. Dun worry. I still love you but you know why you did not do well? It's not because you dumb. It's because you play without restraint. If you play less and are a bit more diligent, then you will get better results. I believe in you.\"
It is important to preserve the warm relationship between mom and son. You must appear to be the good and loving angel. Let the situation (i.e., the teacher, the report book, the marks) punish him for you. Then you comfort him.
Sneaky right? Mwahahahahahaha! -
I'm afraid to let him fail. Very afraid. I'm a typical mum. I dun want people to say that I'm a lousy mum, my son failed exam because I didn't do my work well.
You see, he has no motivation to do his work well at all. No motivation at all. He can tell me that he failed his maths test and still can enjoy playing. I asked him why he got 17/50 for his last maths test. He can tell me blankly that he doesn't know. And then, he would tell me to let him enjoy himself playing. :faint:
He would NEVER say he wants to hurry up finish his work so that he can play. HE would rather not play at all. :
just this morning, I told him that he can play xuele (the computer chinese game developed by school) after he finished his Chinese magazine. He enjoysplaying computer game, but i restricted it. He would do it very very slowly and didn't even concentration. He would write one word, then stop for 10 mins, then continue again. This went on for about 1.5hr. I was so fed up. I refused to let him play xuele. But he didn't feel sad at all!
To him, it's good if I let him play, if not, he won't lose anything. Nothing, nothing at all can motivate him to do better. :frustrated:
He has a heck care attitude lor.
This kind of boy I really dunno how to teach. -
Smurf - Dun give up. Keep at it. In P1, it is still possible because there is time. Building motivation is 2 steps forward 1 step back. I feel bad I can’t really help online. I have to see your child and to watch how you interact with him. The most I can do is to encourage you. Sorry.
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