Obedient Wives Club
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rosemummy:
Mutual respect and submission / obedience are not necessarily mutually exclusive.
respect should be mutual and this submission thingy is :rotflmao:pinky:
[quote=\"Funz\"]So ridiculous.
I prefer, respect rather then obedience, compromise rather then submission.
obedience refers to pet dogs lah :evil:
If obedience refers to pet dogs, then are you saying that our entire army, police force and uniformed groups are all made up of pet dogs? If these people don't obey their superiors, there'll be chaos. And the obedience demanded of them is unconditional. How can any society or organisation function when everyone is a leader with no follower? Obedience is a necessary discipline in any group.
There's no need for such comment just because you didn't agree that a wife should obey her husband. Parents who think so are teaching their kids defiance. Are you telling your child that he don't need to obey his parents, teacher, school rules or the laws of the land?[/quote]I am referring to this particular issue only. -
pinky:
I am referring to this particular issue only.
Why only this issue? So a wife who obey her husband who love and cherish her is a pet dog? Are all our female ancestors who submitted to their husbands dogs?
Then what about those who obey someone other than their husband, including people who do not love or show them any respect? Or are you saying that it's ok to obey someone who may be abusive and do not care for one's wellbeing (eg customers, bosses etc), but not ok to obey a loving husband? I don't think the former is ok but note that many people do so out of necessity. I respect them for it and won't think about comparing them to any animal.
Do you think it's nice to compare a human, whoever they may be and whatever their views, to a pet dog? It's fine to have your views but not fine to call others with a different view such names. -
rosemummy:
Wow... Sounds like a school principal scolding a student...pinky:
I am referring to this particular issue only.
Why only this issue? So a wife who obey her husband who love and cherish her is a pet dog? Are all our female ancestors who submitted to their husbands dogs?
Then what about those who obey someone other than their husband, including people who do not love or show them any respect? Or are you saying that it's ok to obey someone who may be abusive and do not care for one's wellbeing (eg customers, bosses etc), but not ok to obey a loving husband? I don't think the former is ok but note that many people do so out of necessity. I respect them for it and won't think about comparing them to any animal.
Do you think it's nice to compare a human, whoever they may be and whatever their views, to a pet dog? It's fine to have your views but not fine to call others with a different view such names.
Take it easy... a little humour is good for everybody... -
rosemummy:
I am referring to the OWC's premise that to maintain a healthy marriage the wife must submit to the point of being like a prostitute in bed as being ridiculous. Not about others choice to submit and obey their spouse if they should choose to.Funz:
So ridiculous.
I prefer, respect rather then obedience, compromise rather then submission.Happy Mama:
To me, respect and compromise is necessary in every relationship. Compromise is necessary so that parties with different interest each gets something. But a marital relationship is different - both parties have the same interest and should be working towards their common interest. Above all, it is a relationship that bind 2 families together in love. If the couple love each other, they want the best for the other person, more than for themselves and it should not be necessary to have to look out for one's interest in a marriage. Because you trust your spouse to do so.This is absurd! DH and I always believe in mutual respect in a relationship. We don't believe in who should be scared of who.
Compromise may not always be possible. You either buy a property or you don't. You can't buy half a house. And you either send your child for college overseas, or you don't. In some cases, compromise won't yield the best, just the least objectionable to both parties. 1 of my friend was telling me how she and her husband had several names they liked for their baby. But they each didn't like the name the other liked and their compromise was a name they both didn't like but had no strong objection. I doubt the child will be happy knowing how they named her, by compromising.
In a marriage built on love and trust, a wife can submit to her husband out of love and respect. She is able to accept his leadership because she trust him to be able to make the best decision for the marriage. But from the posts, it seems that not every woman is prepared to do that. That's fine. Afterall, the dynamics of every marriage is different. But I don't see obedience and submission to the leadership of the person you love most is absurd or ridiculous. If I can't accept a man's leadership, I won't marry him in the first place. And it definitely didn't have to be out of fear or because you're scared of him. Rather, it is out of deep love and respect for each other.
For me and DH, ours is an equal partnership. There are things that he will take the lead and others that I will as we both have our individual strengths and expertise. If we should disagree over some stuff, we go back to the drawing board and see if there is any way that we can come up with something that both will be able to accept rather then having one party totally giving in even if they may not be for the idea.
Being the one who is leading all the time is also no walk in the park. We share in the responsibility and ease each others burden.
I believe most of us have similar ways of working our marriage. You may term it as submitting, I call it compromising. In areas where he is the expert, I respect and go along with his decision, but you may call it obeying.
Just that to me, the word obey means to follow without question and to submit means to give up your rights. A bit difficult for me to swallow since I have been brought up to be independant and not be reliant on others. Which in itself is a burden. -
VERY :goodpost:
Plus similar to how myself and hubs work things out too.
Still learning the ropes to even better what we have, so
still can't walk in that park yet hor. :lol: -
rosemummy:
:goodpost: well said! and I fully agree with your view..... To me, respect and compromise is necessary in every relationship. Compromise is necessary so that parties with different interest each gets something. But a marital relationship is different - both parties have the same interest and should be working towards their common interest. Above all, it is a relationship that bind 2 families together in love. If the couple love each other, they want the best for the other person, more than for themselves and it should not be necessary to have to look out for one's interest in a marriage. Because you trust your spouse to do so.
Compromise may not always be possible. You either buy a property or you don't. You can't buy half a house. And you either send your child for college overseas, or you don't. In some cases, compromise won't yield the best, just the least objectionable to both parties. 1 of my friend was telling me how she and her husband had several names they liked for their baby. But they each didn't like the name the other liked and their compromise was a name they both didn't like but had no strong objection. I doubt the child will be happy knowing how they named her, by compromising.
In a marriage built on love and trust, a wife can submit to her husband out of love and respect. She is able to accept his leadership because she trust him to be able to make the best decision for the marriage. But from the posts, it seems that not every woman is prepared to do that. That's fine. Afterall, the dynamics of every marriage is different. But I don't see obedience and submission to the leadership of the person you love most is absurd or ridiculous. If I can't accept a man's leadership, I won't marry him in the first place. And it definitely didn't have to be out of fear or because you're scared of him. Rather, it is out of deep love and respect for each other.
it is quite clear that many do not share your views, not only in this forum, probably among many Singaporeans as well. -
On the contrary, majority do share similar ideals.
Perhaps it's just the way it is indicated is different
and varying... just need to read all posts with open
mind and honestly to me btwn the lines, everyone is
working towards a happy & balanced relationship based
on love and mutual understanding. It is the term used in
reference to what the thread topic is abt... that states wives
must submit to wifely duties without question & obey the needs
of the husband to avoid his wrath or reason to F around even if it
means wives have to perform better than a first class prostitute.....
which comes to the point of, \"How the he'll are we to do that when
we're not hookers?\" :siao: If u think abt it this way, if the wives perform
like hookers they've watched on porn and have fantasized abt, won't they
wonder how the wives became so expert? :idea: :yikes: -
Funz:
I don't agree with the OWC either. They seem to be treating the wife as a sex slave who need to please her husband so he don't look for other women. To me, both have a role to play. The husband has to start by loving his wife.I am referring to the OWC's premise that to maintain a healthy marriage the wife must submit to the point of being like a prostitute in bed as being ridiculous. Not about others choice to submit and obey their spouse if they should choose to.
For me and DH, ours is an equal partnership. There are things that he will take the lead and others that I will as we both have our individual strengths and expertise. If we should disagree over some stuff, we go back to the drawing board and see if there is any way that we can come up with something that both will be able to accept rather then having one party totally giving in even if they may not be for the idea.
Being the one who is leading all the time is also no walk in the park. We share in the responsibility and ease each others burden.
I believe most of us have similar ways of working our marriage. You may term it as submitting, I call it compromising. In areas where he is the expert, I respect and go along with his decision, but you may call it obeying.
Just that to me, the word obey means to follow without question and to submit means to give up your rights. A bit difficult for me to swallow since I have been brought up to be independant and not be reliant on others. Which in itself is a burden.
In a marital relationship, love and respect is necessary. But that does not necessarily preclude obedience and submission. If a woman expect a man to be the one doing the wooing and proposing marriage, isn't that a tacit acknowledgment of his leadership position? But of course, not every relationship is the same.
Being a leader does not mean that you take the lead in all matters. There's always delegated authority. Submission does not mean that you have no rights. I'm talking about submitting to a loving husband, not an authoritative tyrant or abusive boss. Submission to your husband doesn't mean you're inferior - both spouses are equal, but with different roles.
There is definitely room for mutual respect and compromise in any relationship. But isn't it human to think we're right and the person who disagree is an idiot? Didn't we just see how some who talk about mutual respect call those with a different view pet dogs? If this is happening just because someone has a different view in a discussion, what more over issues that can affect the person directly? Compromise only works for some issues, and only if both are prepared to compromise.
In a way, yes, we are probably not all that different in how we manage our relationship most of the time. But when it comes to the crunch, when it's not possible to compromise, I would submit to my husband. I'm not sure how you handle it, but it didn't matter. The dynamics of every relationship is different. It's fine as long as both of you can work it out to your mutual satisfaction.
Btw, I'm also a very independent woman. I've no problem leading others, including men who're older than me. But with the man I love, I choose to trust him and submit to him. -
buds:
Haha. For us, we do most of that before marriage. I recognise that not many couples are able to do so since not many have as long a courtship as we did. But we're still learning, even after being together for close to 30 years. But things get easier with time. We influence each other and we naturally have the same views and approach to almost anything. So there isn't much need for compromise.VERY :goodpost:
Plus similar to how myself and hubs work things out too.
Still learning the ropes to even better what we have, so
still can't walk in that park yet hor. :lol: -
dunnoleh:
Thanks.
:goodpost: well said! and I fully agree with your view.rosemummy:
.... To me, respect and compromise is necessary in every relationship. Compromise is necessary so that parties with different interest each gets something. But a marital relationship is different - both parties have the same interest and should be working towards their common interest. Above all, it is a relationship that bind 2 families together in love. If the couple love each other, they want the best for the other person, more than for themselves and it should not be necessary to have to look out for one's interest in a marriage. Because you trust your spouse to do so.
Compromise may not always be possible. You either buy a property or you don't. You can't buy half a house. And you either send your child for college overseas, or you don't. In some cases, compromise won't yield the best, just the least objectionable to both parties. 1 of my friend was telling me how she and her husband had several names they liked for their baby. But they each didn't like the name the other liked and their compromise was a name they both didn't like but had no strong objection. I doubt the child will be happy knowing how they named her, by compromising.
In a marriage built on love and trust, a wife can submit to her husband out of love and respect. She is able to accept his leadership because she trust him to be able to make the best decision for the marriage. But from the posts, it seems that not every woman is prepared to do that. That's fine. Afterall, the dynamics of every marriage is different. But I don't see obedience and submission to the leadership of the person you love most is absurd or ridiculous. If I can't accept a man's leadership, I won't marry him in the first place. And it definitely didn't have to be out of fear or because you're scared of him. Rather, it is out of deep love and respect for each other.
it is quite clear that many do not share your views, not only in this forum, probably among many Singaporeans as well.
Yes, not many have the same view. I guess it's human to want our way all the time. But if it works for those families, that's fine.
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