How to tell if a child is gifted?

[dicky]

Seems like alot of kids are gifted. DS opposite having mild ADHD, mild Autism and dylexia. December child some more in a normal pri school. While it is stressful and tiring to have a gifted kid, it is more stressful and tiring having a below-average kid. So do keep your spirit up! I'll rather be in your shoes facing the \"problems\" than my own..... :imdrowning:

[2ppaamm]

Just talking to a mate the other day and about the challenges of raising kids, sharing my experiences which normally appalls people anyway. Though early entrants and all, the system in the WORLD (not just Singapore) is set up for the average. Large average. With privileges given to the gifted, say top 1% to 2%, and those identified below average. So far, I have to fight every battle myself. Those who fall in between are those who fair the best, they need no special intervention and everyone view them 'normal'.


But if you fall outside too far to the either side of the curve, the problem is multiplied many folds. While it normally takes just one week max to get a visa, I took almost a month for my children because nobody ever went to this university at this age. So the university does not know how to handle this, the embassy is not sure, the insurance company is confused, we don't know at all. There is basically no support.

There is no understanding or support from educators who all pretend to know all gifted kids but really do not know how to handle those who are quite different, and they'll label the parents ignorant if we try to explain.

There is no understanding from peers because as gifted children, they are expected to know more. If they misbehave, their friends and their friends' parents will look out for these and pass word around about how really useless these kids are, relating one or two things the kid did wrong. He's a child, right? But he is not allowed to make mistakes because of his giftedness. This idea is crazy to this day, to me.

There's constant jealousy from parents, competition from friends and verbal abuse from friends, teachers and parents. When a child gave up his sport, my son was once being blamed for demoralizing him because DS overtook that boy who used to be a champion. My son did not say a word. He did not even know that that guy was a champion. He innocently raced his best, that's all.

In another incident, the coach asked my son to slow down so that another child did not feel bad since he started the sport 2 years earlier, and was already depressed before the race. His mother had wanted the coach to tell my son that. I had to intervene.

The society loves underdogs. People lend a listening ear and nod in understanding when a parent of a child to the left of the curve encounters problems and expresses them. If you are to the right of the curve, when you share, people think you are boasting.

I believe the easiest kids to raise are those in the middle, and better if gifted in a top 0.5% to 1%, if you are higher than this, or if you fall below average, then the story is different. I still consider having bright kids a blessing, but having any kind of child is a blessing.

There are reasons why there are so many strange stories of geniuses and their pasts. Many very gifted people choose to look stupid and act stupid. The impostor syndrome. That is required just to fit in. All these people want is for people to accept them, really.

Here's a link about the challenges gifted teens face. They are very real. To this day, my oldest boy tell people that he is stupid that's why he has to go to a vocational school since 14. He doesn't like to tell people that that vocational school is actually a university. Until people find that out themselves, he just go about doing his crazy teenage stuff and pranks. Something he just does not want to miss as a kid. http://school.familyeducation.com/child-psychology/gifted-education/38654.html

[SAHM_TAN]

Hi 2ppaamm,


I can understand the jealousy part but strange that the parent request the coach to tell your son to slow down. Doesn’t the parent realise that she is harming her son in the process?

[2ppaamm]

SAHM_TAN:

Hi 2ppaamm,


I can understand the jealousy part but strange that the parent request the coach to tell your son to slow down. Doesn't the parent realise that she is harming her son in the process?

O, maybe I should put things in prospective better.

This other child had been in the sport much earlier than my family. So the lady has 3 kids in this and so did I. They were all better than my kids and it did not help that they were all the same age.

In that particular competition, there was a short race and a long race. My son was expected to be nowhere in both races, since it was the first time he raced at nationals. Surprisingly, he beat everyone in the club though he was expected to be the last in the short race. This boy was expected to be the best. So after the first race, he was demoralized and the mother gathered all the 3 coaches around him to console and counsel him. Both mother and child cast that angry look at my son. She had a long talk with the coach.

In the long race, the coach rounded up the boys again for a briefing before the race. This time, the coach had asked my son to make sure he paced behind this boy because that way, he would finish faster. She believed that my son had no experience and lagging behind this boy would be better. I overheard. Just before he reported, I told him not to do that. I told him to just go fast, no need a pacer. He finished 25m ahead of the other boy. 6 months later, the boy dropped the sport.

So, I guess because we were new and their relation with the other family was much closer, they had to find a way to pacify the other family. It was unfair of me to say that the mother asked the coach to ask my son to go slower, but rather, she was pressurizing the coach to make sure her son wins. The coaches were trying to help with that, and trying to find a balance. It never happened again. After all these (7) years, the coaches always give preferences to my family, they know us much better now. Loyalty has its privileges. Ha ha...

I don't think that mother is a lousy mother. In fact, I think she is much better than me. Just if she had also thought about other people's children, and be as encouraging to others as well, rather than always looking for my son's faults. After her son quit, my son never got any more scoldings from coaches, because there was no more complaints about him pulling someone's leg. Wonder why my son suddenly stopped after he left. Prior to that, he had scolding every day, either because this boy complained or his mother did.

[SAHM_TAN]

Hi 2ppaamm,


:? :? Why must pacify, in anything there's winning and losing. I just think the mother lost a learning opportunity for her son. What does it matter if her son trained longer than your son?

Think I'm too dense to understand the intricacies in such situations. Or because I'm not sporty type so can't understand the passion involved.

[2ppaamm]

Hehe, you are not dense lah. It is just how the sporting world is like. Full of politics and strange situations we have to learn. I think sports has taught my children and I a lot about life besides the winning and the losing. There’s a lot more to learn about relationships, about getting to the right books with the right people.


Maybe we can talk about this in another thread. Those involved in competitive sports will know what I mean. No matter which sport. There are tons of politics to handle. Strange people, and to be really honest, opportunities are never equal. We have to teach our kids how to make sure they are equally treated.

Isn’t this life? Like the Real Sporting World (look at all those scandals), like politics (like the IMF chief case), like the real politics (Arnold Sc… don’t know how to spell lah). If he fathered the son so long ago, why is he falling apart now? Because it is time to go. There’s much more than what meets the eye. We fall in favor, we fall out of favor. Life.

Our jobs as parents is to make sure our kids keep falling in favor. Or for as long as possible, no matter which end of the curve they happen to be at, gifted or not. Or when we found out that no matter how hard we try, we keep falling out of favor, we leave for a better place where we are appreciated. Life.

[SAHM_TAN]

True. Life.

[Kabby]

SAHM_TAN:

True. Life.

ya, must teach our kids, 一山还有一山高 (for every mountain, there is another higher).
for competitive kids, defeat or loss can be hard to swallow. but it is a valuable lesson to teach indeed. how can we win all the time in life right?

i'm still trying to find good ways to inculcate all these in my boys.

[dicky]

Not really. People tends to observe both ends and not in between. If saying people will normally empathized the wrong end, no, there are equal number of critics saying the wrong end is just complaining, lazy parent angling for sympathy… If at the right end, who might think you are boosting, there also equal number of parents who can identify with the same issues…

My point is however difficult as a gifted child may be, our society and educational system can accept them better, as they are stronger academically. Not that kind on the other end… So do take in stride for all the relationship problems of a gifted kid…
Our society is academically competitive, kids’ sensitivity and morale are also similar issues at both ends. The least we can do is support the kid to enjoy the learning process.
No, we don’t compare our DS. Let him be. He may be slow, but there isn’t a day that we are not proud to call him our Dear Son…

[phankao]

2ppaamm:

Isn't this life? Like the Real Sporting World (look at all those scandals), like politics (like the IMF chief case), like the real politics (Arnold Sc... don't know how to spell lah). If he fathered the son so long ago, why is he falling apart now? Because it is time to go. There's much more than what meets the eye. We fall in favor, we fall out of favor. Life.

Hah! This doesn't just occur in sports. In other competition arenas too, judges eyes tend to be \"coloured\" and memories very long. They can remember which instructor is the student of which instructor and that instructor was the student of again another which instructor, etc, etc, the whole lineage! So if anyone along that lineage has offended that judge in anyway - even non-intentionally, that competitor will have very poor ratings. And if that judge is a very influential one, the other judges would give poor ratings too.