Children Suicide Cases

[ZacK]

Saw this article in Sunday's wanbao on the boy cutting his wrist over an oral exam which he did not do as well in... A bit shocked to read about this incident as it seemed such a minor thing but this is also a reminder to me that as much as I should stretch my children's abilities... It is equally for me to emphasize to them that I will still love them unconditionally even if they do not do as well as they should.


Some weeks back, I had a conversation with DS1 prior to his 听写 ... Told him that papa and mama will be happy with him as long as he has put in the time and effort to learn what he should be learning... We will not look at the results as long as he has done his best.

However I also pointed out to DS1 that we will be angry if he does not put in the time and effort to learn what he should be learning and as a result does badly for his test.

I think it is sufficient for parents to place their emphasis on the process and on getting the right inputs, with the right inputs, the outputs will take care of itself.

If time and effort were put in but the results do not show in the output... Perhaps parents should then accept that as the level the child is able to achieve and from there moderate their expectations accordingly. When parent's expectations on their child equate with the child's abilities... There will be less reasons to exert undue pressure and cause unnecessary stress and unhappiness on both parties.

Does this then mean that we should not \"push\" our kids to excel? I probably would not \"push\" my kids literally but would prefer to expose them, when the opportunity arises, to let them see and experience and then decide the path/s that they want to take... My opinion is when our kids have seen enough and know what they want (sometimes with prodding/guidance from parents)... They will naturally excel in what they want to do in life.

So my role as a parent is to be an explorer with my kids, to bring them to \"unchartered\" waters. When they have seen and experienced enough... The time will then come for them to set sail on their own to pursue their own dreams/visions.

:celebrate:

[skunk]

weak, that’s what they are.


As a child-suicide-case-gone-good myself, this is from the personal testimony of someone who survived and moved on.

Don’t molly-coodle your children. Make them tough and strong emotionally, so that they can handle Life’s unfair expectations. Life is tough and unfair, sometimes downright miserable. What’s the prob with that? If can’t even survive a little bit of misery, how to live through to see the good times?

Most parents would back off the pressure after a child suicide case, don’t blame them for doing it, it’s a chicken and egg situation. Why didn’t u bring them up with a tough mentality towards this world in the first place?

[daisyt]

Quite some time back, a neighbour of mine cut her wrist at home and lucky enough, she was fine (she was abt 20 yo, I think due to relationship). After some time, she always bandage her wrist with a cloth to cover the scar. One day, she happened not to bandage it and we saw her scar. It was quite scary and my girl was frightened.


In one of her lesson, the teacher was discussing with them about suicide case. She told me, the teacher was quite hesistate to pick this topic at first because she felt that for Sec 1, this topic might be too harsh for them. Eventually she decided to stay put on this topic because she felt that its better to face it rather than escape. I explained to my girl, I fully agree on the teacher's thinking. Its similar to sex education, we have to face it with our children and teach them the morals, not escape from it.

Recently on the couple railway case, I have another discussion with my girl. She told me not to worry because she is those \"chicken\" type, she is afraid of death and pain. I am a bit relief to hear that but still have to stay attentive and full guarding position

[hquek]

Thing about kids preparation for tests/exams, and the actual output. I go through laboriously with DS1 on his spelling each week. When I feel he’s ok to go, he comes back home, spelling riddled with mistakes. It’s usually due to on the spot mistakes that he doesn’t check.


I try to tell him that I would prefer he get all right since mummy spent so much time/effort with him. But then I have to balance by not getting him all stressed up over such.

Such is a tightrope parents have to tread.

[ZacK]

hquek:

Such is a tightrope parents have to tread.

Yes I have to consciously tell myself so to refrain from getting angry over the mistakes... This I would say is primarily due to the parent's expectation on the child.

We, as parents, think that the spelling is so simple so why cant get it all correct or why were there mistakes? However we should note that the spelling is simple from our perspective as someone who has seen/used the words for some time... However if we view it from the perspective of our kids, having just encountered those words not too long ago etc... Then maybe it's reasonable for them not to have the words right for the initial few times?

[hquek]

Not really, I go through with him daily and he could do it. suddenly, bommpf, one strange spelling mistake during the actual.


I’ll just tell him to try his best - and pray that doesn’t give him undue pressure. Maybe it’s a boy thing, he’ll just heck if he gets more mistakes than anyone else.

[ZacK]

hquek:

Not really, I go through with him daily and he could do it. suddenly, bommpf, one strange spelling mistake during the actual.


I'll just tell him to try his best - and pray that doesn't give him undue pressure. Maybe it's a boy thing, he'll just heck if he gets more mistakes than anyone else.

That's why now... I usually ask mummy or popo to supervise him when he is learning for his spelling test... Then less chance for my pressure to go up LOL

[jedamum]

digress on suicide but on spelling;

hquek, how old is your kid?
i generally do quick revision (ie do a pretest and then zoom in on his weak areas) with my P1 on spelling to start with and revise on alternate days.
for every word that he gets wrong in subsequent revision, he has to write it 5x as reinforcement/punishment.
for any word that he gets wrong on the spelling day itself, the following spelling (or the next one depending on when he takes back his book), his ‘quick revision’ privilege is revoke and he’ll have to do thorough revision ie write 3x for all the 10 words and revise daily until he clears his next spelling.
this is the rule, so if he doesn’t score full marks for spelling, i don’t scold him or nag at him (so am i pressurising him??); he’ll just have to spend more time in his next spelling revision until he can prove that he bothers to do thorough checking before submitting up. as he hates writing, he’ll definitely do extra checking to ensure that he makes less or no careless mistake.
try to see what makes your kid tick and then strategise from there. jmho.

[hquek]

Thanks jedamum, paiseh, :oops: , my kid is only in K1 (now you know why my fav website is ksparents). His school has spelling weekly (simple words, I think the teacher wants them to get used to the idea).


Teaching him spelling is ok becos we read everyday. I don't vomit blood (not really) when teaching him. I will coach him and then 'test' him on a daily basis, this is mostly oral.

I always tell him it's ok to get mistakes, as long as you learn from it. but I get annoyed if he doesn't look like he cares about having errors in something he should have gotten right - to me, it's a harbinger of things to come.

The tradeoff between motivation and intense pressure is always on my mind when I ask him why he never get all correct (4 words and mummy has gone through this with you). Guess it's easier if my child is competitive by nature, but then, that'll bring another set of problems.

[atutor2001]

Woh! really heavy reading.


Just like to find out. I always call my kids names, e.g. silly, stupid… any name that you can think off. But always in a joking manner.

Will such actions leave "scars" in their memories or make them lose confidence. However, till now they have been doing fine - very good results. I am one of those parents who would jokingly tell them off if they get 99. I feel that there is no harm as they understand that I don’t mean it. I will usually surprise them later with rewards for their good results.

I really don’t know if my actions will leave any ill-effect. Please advice.