Will you treat Daughter-In-Law and Daughter Equally?

[Funz]

Must one treat their DIL as their DD in order to treat them well? I don’t think so.


If I were to treat DIL like I would my DD, then she may not like it. Being brought up in a different household, she may have different ideals and habits and ways of doing things. If she were my DD, I may expect certain things to be done certain way like how we would have instilled in our DD. That may lead to a lot of conflicts.

For me, if my son chose her, I will accept her as my son’s wife. Someone important, who is part of the family. She has her position in my life but she will not be my DD. The relationship will definitely be different from what I will have with my DD. For one, I will definitely not be as free to tell her off as I would my DD and I think that may be in her favour.

[BeContented]

Funz:

Must one treat their DIL as their DD in order to treat them well? I don't think so.


If I were to treat DIL like I would my DD, then she may not like it. Being brought up in a different household, she may have different ideals and habits and ways of doing things. If she were my DD, I may expect certain things to be done certain way like how we would have instilled in our DD. That may lead to a lot of conflicts.

For me, if my son chose her, I will accept her as my son's wife. Someone important, who is part of the family. She has her position in my life but she will not be my DD. The relationship will definitely be different from what I will have with my DD. For one, I will definitely not be as free to tell her off as I would my DD and I think that may be in her favour.

agree. As the In-laws thread already show, a lot if conflicts stem from differences in lifestyle & interference. Even as a DD, many would rather do things their own way & would prefer the parents to stay out.....

[kiwi68]

Flowermonaster:

flyfree:

If MIL only hv sons, don't hv daughter, will MIL treat DIL as a \"real daughter\"?

I always envy others for having daughter(s). I will want to treat my Future DIL as my own since I don't have daughter. This is just my wish but not sure if it will really happen that way as a lot of things need two hands to clap.

I'm in the same position. But I believe, how we raise our sons, they'll bring home the right girls to fit into the family. As long as we show them they're accepted into the family, things will fall into place.

And as DIL, it is also how we 'accept' our MIL and how we learn to fit in that determines how well we're treated. And it's really subjective when it comes to individual's 'measurement' of how well, how good or how caring is one to the other. MIL to DIL or DIL to MIL. Learn to give and take, and take things easy, life will be a lot happier. :hugs:

[LOLMum]

there are also boy/girl friend who make it very clear from the start of the relationship that he/she is not interested in the partner's family. he/she only wants the partner and his/her own family.


so after marriage, pil might not even get a chance to see own kid or grandchildren. :sad:

[kiddo]

LOLMum:

there are also boy/girl friend who make it very clear from the start of the relationship that he/she is not interested in the partner's family. he/she only wants the partner and his/her own family.


so after marriage, pil might not even get a chance to see own kid or grandchildren. :sad:

So I heard --- a neighbour wife do not allow PIL to see the grandchildren
WHY ? so crude to the elderly.........even when the elderly don't live
with you ..........just hope no Parent end up in this tough situation :slapshead:

[LOLMum]

i recall reading some posts on this forum from a hubby asking for help because his wife was not keen on his family. she doesnt participate in any of his family activities and only hers matters. he has no idea why his wife was acting this way and it was driving him nuts. hope all is sorted out for him.



am i anti-dil ? no, i am not.

[cnimed]

I think one should NOT treat DIL and daughter equally.

With DIL, one should give an extra measure of respect, understanding and tolerance because she comes from another family that may have raised her differently with different values in matters ranging from day to day living, how to cook, how to tidy the house (or not), to how to raise a child.
With DIL, you should not just scold directly like you might your own daughter. With DIL, you should not expect her to understand your unspoken wishes as might your own daughter.
DIL is outsider, and as outsider, you may want to show the kind of welcome that you extend to a visitor, albeit one you see often. You may want to take extra trouble to explain your preferences since she would be clueless.

It is not true that equal treatment is the same as appropriate treatment.

My grandmother would always scold her sons in front of her DILs, and then later persuade the DILs to make up with her sons. That is good people skills. She did not demand her DILs to do anything because she had a very mean MIL who made her suffer and she vowed she would not do the same.

With courtesy and tolerance, everyone can get along, whether ILs or blood relatives.

[kiddo]

deminc:

With DIL, one should give an extra measure of respect, understanding and tolerance because she comes from another family that may have raised her differently with different values in matters ranging from day to day living, how to cook, how to tidy the house (or not), to how to raise a child.
With DIL, you should not just scold directly like you might your own daughter. With DIL, you should not expect her to understand your unspoken wishes as might your own daughter.
DIL is outsider, and as outsider, you may want to show the kind of welcome that you extend to a visitor, albeit one you see often. You may want to take extra trouble to explain your preferences since she would be clueless.

It is not true that equal treatment is the same as appropriate treatment.

My grandmother would always scold her sons in front of her DILs, and then later persuade the DILs to make up with her sons. That is good people skills. She did not demand her DILs to do anything because she had a very mean MIL who made her suffer and she vowed she would not do the same.

With courtesy and tolerance, everyone can get along, whether ILs or blood relatives.

Well said ............ :hi5:
deminc--- Your Grandmother is an Angel...pretty much extinct :please:

[cnimed]

She IS an angel. She passed away a few years ago. (ok, bad pun). All the DILs cried for her. Years later my mum still tears up on her death anniversary.

[LOLMum]

kiddo:

deminc:

With DIL, one should give an extra measure of respect, understanding and tolerance because she comes from another family that may have raised her differently with different values in matters ranging from day to day living, how to cook, how to tidy the house (or not), to how to raise a child.
With DIL, you should not just scold directly like you might your own daughter. With DIL, you should not expect her to understand your unspoken wishes as might your own daughter.
DIL is outsider, and as outsider, you may want to show the kind of welcome that you extend to a visitor, albeit one you see often. You may want to take extra trouble to explain your preferences since she would be clueless.

It is not true that equal treatment is the same as appropriate treatment.

My grandmother would always scold her sons in front of her DILs, and then later persuade the DILs to make up with her sons. That is good people skills. She did not demand her DILs to do anything because she had a very mean MIL who made her suffer and she vowed she would not do the same.

With courtesy and tolerance, everyone can get along, whether ILs or blood relatives.

Well said ............ :hi5:
deminc--- Your Grandmother is an Angel...pretty much extinct :please:

:grphug: :hi5: very good piece.