Will you treat Daughter-In-Law and Daughter Equally?

[LOLMum]

there are also boy/girl friend who make it very clear from the start of the relationship that he/she is not interested in the partner's family. he/she only wants the partner and his/her own family.


so after marriage, pil might not even get a chance to see own kid or grandchildren. :sad:

[kiddo]

LOLMum:

there are also boy/girl friend who make it very clear from the start of the relationship that he/she is not interested in the partner's family. he/she only wants the partner and his/her own family.


so after marriage, pil might not even get a chance to see own kid or grandchildren. :sad:

So I heard --- a neighbour wife do not allow PIL to see the grandchildren
WHY ? so crude to the elderly.........even when the elderly don't live
with you ..........just hope no Parent end up in this tough situation :slapshead:

[LOLMum]

i recall reading some posts on this forum from a hubby asking for help because his wife was not keen on his family. she doesnt participate in any of his family activities and only hers matters. he has no idea why his wife was acting this way and it was driving him nuts. hope all is sorted out for him.



am i anti-dil ? no, i am not.

[cnimed]

I think one should NOT treat DIL and daughter equally.

With DIL, one should give an extra measure of respect, understanding and tolerance because she comes from another family that may have raised her differently with different values in matters ranging from day to day living, how to cook, how to tidy the house (or not), to how to raise a child.
With DIL, you should not just scold directly like you might your own daughter. With DIL, you should not expect her to understand your unspoken wishes as might your own daughter.
DIL is outsider, and as outsider, you may want to show the kind of welcome that you extend to a visitor, albeit one you see often. You may want to take extra trouble to explain your preferences since she would be clueless.

It is not true that equal treatment is the same as appropriate treatment.

My grandmother would always scold her sons in front of her DILs, and then later persuade the DILs to make up with her sons. That is good people skills. She did not demand her DILs to do anything because she had a very mean MIL who made her suffer and she vowed she would not do the same.

With courtesy and tolerance, everyone can get along, whether ILs or blood relatives.

[kiddo]

deminc:

With DIL, one should give an extra measure of respect, understanding and tolerance because she comes from another family that may have raised her differently with different values in matters ranging from day to day living, how to cook, how to tidy the house (or not), to how to raise a child.
With DIL, you should not just scold directly like you might your own daughter. With DIL, you should not expect her to understand your unspoken wishes as might your own daughter.
DIL is outsider, and as outsider, you may want to show the kind of welcome that you extend to a visitor, albeit one you see often. You may want to take extra trouble to explain your preferences since she would be clueless.

It is not true that equal treatment is the same as appropriate treatment.

My grandmother would always scold her sons in front of her DILs, and then later persuade the DILs to make up with her sons. That is good people skills. She did not demand her DILs to do anything because she had a very mean MIL who made her suffer and she vowed she would not do the same.

With courtesy and tolerance, everyone can get along, whether ILs or blood relatives.

Well said ............ :hi5:
deminc--- Your Grandmother is an Angel...pretty much extinct :please:

[cnimed]

She IS an angel. She passed away a few years ago. (ok, bad pun). All the DILs cried for her. Years later my mum still tears up on her death anniversary.

[LOLMum]

kiddo:

deminc:

With DIL, one should give an extra measure of respect, understanding and tolerance because she comes from another family that may have raised her differently with different values in matters ranging from day to day living, how to cook, how to tidy the house (or not), to how to raise a child.
With DIL, you should not just scold directly like you might your own daughter. With DIL, you should not expect her to understand your unspoken wishes as might your own daughter.
DIL is outsider, and as outsider, you may want to show the kind of welcome that you extend to a visitor, albeit one you see often. You may want to take extra trouble to explain your preferences since she would be clueless.

It is not true that equal treatment is the same as appropriate treatment.

My grandmother would always scold her sons in front of her DILs, and then later persuade the DILs to make up with her sons. That is good people skills. She did not demand her DILs to do anything because she had a very mean MIL who made her suffer and she vowed she would not do the same.

With courtesy and tolerance, everyone can get along, whether ILs or blood relatives.

Well said ............ :hi5:
deminc--- Your Grandmother is an Angel...pretty much extinct :please:

:grphug: :hi5: very good piece.

[Ririan]

flyfree:

If MIL only hv sons, don't hv daughter, will MIL treat DIL as a \"real daughter\"?

theoritically it should work that way, but unfortunately it is not in my case.
My MIL has three sons, and I married the eldest one. We were forbid to go out without them even when we were newly-wed, I could feel her taking me as a competition, like I am taking her son away (I was not, I am a very mild tempered person). She will say things like how useless and weak I am, compared to how hardworking and strong she is. I really suffer mentally living with her, cos she would use her standards to judge everything I do, the worst time was the first two years after I gave birth. It was hell for me.

Unfortunately, I am still staying with her, and home is really not a home for me, when you have someone constantly judging you... sigh. I just try to ignore and think positive.

[Jennifer]

Ririan:

Unfortunately, I am still staying with her, and home is really not a home for me, when you have someone constantly judging you... sigh. I just try to ignore and think positive.

Hugs to you.

[Jennifer]

I hv 2 sons. I dun think I will treat future DIL like how I treat my children. I think I will treat them like guests- respect their privacy and way of life, dun expect anything in return. Hence I hv already told my children not to live with me when they get married.


I can only babysit my grandchildren whenever necessary. I wont take responsibility for disciplinary/upbringing issues. Our parenting style might not be the same, why create chances for conflicts? If I see sth not right (like pampering the child), I will tell my sons only.