In-law problems?

[Flowermonaster]

Hi, I’m new in this thread. My mum is one of the "difficult" MILs. I love my mum dont be mistaken but she is still very difficult to live with. Luckily all my SILs do not have to live with her and my mum also refuse to stay with anyone of them despite my elder brother’s invitation.

My mum is a good cook but she is terrible in disciplining/teaching her grandchildren. She has no patient. When the child cries, she will try to pacify the kid for a minute or so and will gets irritated when it fails to work. She will then comment the kid very naughty and difficult to take care.
She always think that she is a good MIL but she didn’t know that she loves to criticize her DILs behind their back to her daughters. If her DIL or Son-I-L offended her unknowingly, she will give them cold shoulder. She will help out When my elder SIL fall sick but will definitely commented something bad about her to us. I dont know if my SIL prefer her not to help as we did not openly discuss on this. My mum don’t openly tell them but she will nag & nag in front of us or call us to complaint. My DH will always agree to whatever my mum said so as to make her happy. My elder SIL will just ignore her as she knows that whatever she do, my mum will not be happy. My younger SIL was under my mum’s attack a few years ago for not able to give birth. Luckily she has given birth to a healthy BB girl 6mths ago.
My mum is not only harsh to her DIL, she is equally harsh with her own daughters. But in my heart I know that she meant well to all of us. It’s just that she wants everyone to follow her, to please her.
My English is not so good so do pardon me for any mistake here.

[Flowermonaster]

With such a difficult-to-please mother, I have no problem handling my MIL. That does not mean there is no issue, it’s just that I learned to 大事化小，小事化无.

[janet88]

Hubby's sister called me an idiot when I didn't do anything :mad: ...in fact I stay MILES apart and MANY ARMS LENGTH from his family. Yet, she has the cheek to ask hubby for Chinese story books/preschool ones which my kids have outgrown...I told my hubby I would rather dump them away than to give to her. Really feel like giving her 2 tight slaps :spank:


So ladies, please DON'T ever consider staying together with in-laws...not only do you have to suffer their nonsense but the siblings' crap as well.

[Flowermonaster]

In some situation it might be difficult to say no (to stay together). So in such circumstances will tell myself these:

1) PIL old already so might not live long so just endure lah
2) when we grow old & sick will want our children to take care, so dont want to set bad example for my DS as kid nowadays learn by example
3) Keep thinking of their good points (if your PIL got no good points then how about they give birth & bring up your DS? If all else failed then we still can let out frustration in KSP forum like now) :roll:

I am not an expert in this, just want to share my methods which might not work for everyone.

[Flowermonaster]

In some situation it might be difficult to say no (to stay together). So in such circumstances will tell myself these:

1) PIL old already so might not live long so just endure lah
2) when we grow old & sick will want our children to take care, so dont want to set bad example for my DS as kid nowadays learn by example
3) Keep thinking of their good points (if your PIL got no good points then how about they give birth & bring up your DS? If all else failed then we still can let out frustration in KSP forum like now) :roll:

I am not an expert in this, just want to share my methods which might not work for everyone.

[janet88]

Flowermonaster:

In some situation it might be difficult to say no (to stay together). So in such circumstances will tell myself these:

1) PIL old already so might not live long so just endure lah
2) when we grow old & sick will want our children to take care, so dont want to set bad example for my DS as kid nowadays learn by example
3) Keep thinking of their good points (if your PIL got no good points then how about they give birth & bring up your DS? If all else failed then we still can let out frustration in KSP forum like now) :roll:

I am not an expert in this, just want to share my methods which might not work for everyone.

True, they may not live forever, but staying together is definitely not a joking matter. Although my mum and I are very close and parents are helping a lot, she doesn't want all of us to stay together either...hubby may want his personal space to do as he wishes...we may want to sleep in late on Sundays but dad may want to have early breakfast together...you know, that kind of different mindset. So even though we are so close and yet want the personal space, I definitely do not welcome the idea of staying with HIS parents.

[jedamum]

janet_lee88:

Flowermonaster:

In some situation it might be difficult to say no (to stay together). So in such circumstances will tell myself these:

1) PIL old already so might not live long so just endure lah
2) when we grow old & sick will want our children to take care, so dont want to set bad example for my DS as kid nowadays learn by example
3) Keep thinking of their good points (if your PIL got no good points then how about they give birth & bring up your DS? If all else failed then we still can let out frustration in KSP forum like now) :roll:

I am not an expert in this, just want to share my methods which might not work for everyone.

True, they may not live forever, but staying together is definitely not a joking matter. Although my mum and I are very close and parents are helping a lot, she doesn't want all of us to stay together either...hubby may want his personal space to do as he wishes...we may want to sleep in late on Sundays but dad may want to have early breakfast together...you know, that kind of different mindset. So even though we are so close and yet want the personal space, I definitely do not welcome the idea of staying with HIS parents.

suggest to stay nearby?
on my floor, at one end live a family. the other end of the corridor live the grandparents.

[ectanz]

jedamum:

janet_lee88:

[quote=\"Flowermonaster\"]In some situation it might be difficult to say no (to stay together). So in such circumstances will tell myself these:

1) PIL old already so might not live long so just endure lah
2) when we grow old & sick will want our children to take care, so dont want to set bad example for my DS as kid nowadays learn by example
3) Keep thinking of their good points (if your PIL got no good points then how about they give birth & bring up your DS? If all else failed then we still can let out frustration in KSP forum like now) :roll:

I am not an expert in this, just want to share my methods which might not work for everyone.

True, they may not live forever, but staying together is definitely not a joking matter. Although my mum and I are very close and parents are helping a lot, she doesn't want all of us to stay together either...hubby may want his personal space to do as he wishes...we may want to sleep in late on Sundays but dad may want to have early breakfast together...you know, that kind of different mindset. So even though we are so close and yet want the personal space, I definitely do not welcome the idea of staying with HIS parents.

suggest to stay nearby?
on my floor, at one end live a family. the other end of the corridor live the grandparents. :D[/quote]Agreed with jedamum, can consider to stay near but definitely not together.

[Flowermonaster]

If given a choice I don't think anyone want to stay with PIL, I do not fancy that too. But If we have no choice what will you do? :evil:

ectanz:

jedamum:

True, they may not live forever, but staying together is definitely not a joking matter. Although my mum and I are very close and parents are helping a lot, she doesn't want all of us to stay together either...hubby may want his personal space to do as he wishes...we may want to sleep in late on Sundays but dad may want to have early breakfast together...you know, that kind of different mindset. So even though we are so close and yet want the personal space, I definitely do not welcome the idea of staying with HIS parents.

suggest to stay nearby?
on my floor, at one end live a family. the other end of the corridor live the grandparents.

Agreed with jedamum, can consider to stay near but definitely not together.[/quote]

[ectanz]

Flowermonaster:

With such a difficult-to-please mother, I have no problem handling my MIL. That does not mean there is no issue, it's just that I learned to 大事化小，小事化无.

My mum too will say something bad behind my SIL's back but this is becos she did a lot things for her but not being appreciated. My mum did all this is due to my bro. My mum is typical 重男轻\"girl\". She treated my DIL better than her own daughter.

However for my MIL, she will badmouth anyone who against her. She can't tolerate any contradiction. Anything I don't agree, I will juz leave it to my hb to settle with her.

An example, we both hv different views in rearing of children. Although my MIL should be given credit for helping me of looking after my dd1 from young but her method really unacceptable.

She treated my dd1 was still a baby when she was already 5 yrs old. For a 5 yrs old kid, they will know how to eat themselve, showering, etc... But my dd1 can't. I hv a hard time of training her during weekend but without success. At last I made decision of switching her 1/2 days Childcare to full day. I changed her ccc near to my hm so tat my MIL will not bring her back anytime. Till now, my MIL is still very :mad: at me for making such decision. My dd1 now is 6 yrs old. I don't regret of making such decision as I can see major transform of my dd1. Now she can do everything by my herself.