Daddies must be more involved...
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Looking within my own family, I feel that daddy is definitely not doing enough. These are the typical examples :
* Daddy doesn’t help in coaching kids in their studies saying that he don’t know how to coach. It’s a really lame excuse since daddy is more educated in mummy so how can he not know??? It’s as though mummy is a born to know not forgetting mummy also need to revise to coach the kids.
* Daddy prefers the tv/ reading newspaper to coaching eg. simple coaching like teaching a 2.5 yrs old how to recognise ABC… Hallo, mummy also wants to de-stress after a day at work and have some ME time.
* In terms of other household works,etc… as we’ve maid, there is 1 area less for dispute since maid handles that.
* Daddy makes irresponsible remarks like… oh let’s place our child on waiting list in X school when school reopens since it’s near our house, good and his cousin is there AND we should expose all the 3 kids to different school as that will give them different exposure!
Daddy don’t seem to know what is happening with P1 registration and how other parents did PV, went thru balloting, etc… to get their child a place in school. Just becoz he is lucky that mummy’s pri school is a good school and we din have to do anything extra to get the child in. He don’t seem to think that he is already very lucky. In addition, daddy also fail to understand that so wat if a child gets into X school? He need to adapt to the environment again.
But mummy just feels that since she also has a full time job that is equally demanding and her earning power is not alot lesser, then daddy should also contribute fairly to the coaching of the kids. As the kids go to formal education, it’s very demanding on the mummy. -
It does get tricky when the mum is a FTWM.
As a sahm, i am glad that the daddy offers to wash the dishes and hang the laundry with(not 'for') me. Daddy is responsible for coaching the kids on general knowledge (eg geography, science etc), as mummy only focus on academic stuff. Daddy does the chauffeuring too.
I just hope that daddy can spend more time playing with the kids.
So why are we not having more kids? Its more of an energy issue. -
jedamum:
It does get tricky when the mum is a FTWM.
As a sahm, i am glad that the daddy offers to wash the dishes and hang the laundry with(not 'for') me. Daddy is responsible for coaching the kids on general knowledge (eg geography, science etc), as mummy only focus on academic stuff. Daddy does the chauffeuring too.
I just hope that daddy can spend more time playing with the kids.
So why are we not having more kids? Its more of an energy issue.
Financial too la! Look at the cost of enrichment classes. If you are a kiasu parent, you will want to give your kid a headstart. -
It’s not just that. Especially for working mums, how much time can you dedicate to the kids?
Eg. we have 3 kids. My time has to be spread among them and other activities such as biz travel, etc… If I compare with a friend who only has 1 child, she is able to send her child (same age as my youngest child) to this and that enrichment programmes or spend time with the child to build up on this and that academic knowledge.
But for me, I just cannot afford that kind of dedicated time for my youngest kid. We just have to prioritise. So I cannot imagine having more than 3. In fact I think 2 is just nice. -
kaitlynangelica:
Although financial plays a part too, but even if the government is willing to fork out more baby bonus, it may not entice us to procreate again. Energy and time factor (commitment to personal coaching/chauffeuring the kids around etc) also plays a part in giving the kids a headstart.
Financial too la! Look at the cost of enrichment classes. If you are a kiasu parent, you will want to give your kid a headstart.
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heutistmeintag:
Kekekke... spoken like a true dad! How on earth did you manage to WFH?! Got kang tao for me or not?I would say dads can do more but to distribute the responsibilties evenly between dad and mom is only an ideal desire. I think there are other factors like salaries, coaching skills, personal abilities etc to be considered.
Personally, I am a WFHD Enuff said about my committment !
Looks like we are the only two daddies holding the fort right now... with no backup from the rest. And we are getting pummelled. Help! Where're the reinforcements?!
Anyway, I second what u said about coaching skills - we daddies don't necessarily make the best tutors. I tried to give tuition one-on-one for a Sec 2 boy a long time ago... lasted only for 2 lessons before I gave up. It was like teaching a log - there was just a sullen total silence no matter what I said or did. One more lesson and I would have strangled that chap. Imagine the headlines - TUTOR THROTTLES TEEN TREE TRUNK. Come to think of it... that guy should be a parent himself by now. Could be one of you :).
So I became a lecturer instead and never looked back. I guess I do much better with groups of, um, older kids. So mummies, it may sound like an excuse, but sometimes we daddies are really not cut up for the job much as we would want to. You mummies are so much better child educators than we are. -
Do you think Singaporean daddies need to do more in looking after their children?
Is there a Yes/No answer?
Yes, only if a daddy is super bo chap, hardly interacts with kids and only act as a shadow and ATM for the family and end up like an uncle instead of a dad to the child.
No, if a daddy already contributes by interacting, by being there when needed and shows ample concern to the child's well-being. The child sees him as daddy and not uncle.
My expectation of daddy is low because most men need to be focused in order to function well... so if they can do the basic above while still providing for the family, think it is very good already..
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Nowadays, when both daddy and mommy work full time in most families, there is no reason why mommy should do more than Daddy. In many cases, mommies earn the same salary, or sometimes even more than Daddy !
I think that Daddies can certainly do more. All they have to do is learn.
My hubby could not handle the kids when they were babies. He did not know how to make their milk and he dared not bathe them. He could not even put the babies to sleep.
By the time my kids are more than 3 years old, my hubby is able to feed them porridge and bathe them. Actually he does an even better job than me, because he is better at disciplining them. I can even go traveling with my mother, and leave the kids with him.
I actually did not do much to \"train\" him. He insisted to do things his own way. But I have to keep my eyes closed lah. Sometimes he forgets and use the table cloth to wipe their face
But after some \"reminding\" from me, he learns the lesson
He loves to teach the kids, especially my 5 year old girl, who can understand and remember everything he teaches. He is even trying to teach her chemistry and biology now. He is a lot less patient with my almost 4 years old boy. He is more than happy to let me teach the boy instead.
There used to be a time when my hubby returned home from work at midnight. So why the change ? When my girl was more than 1 year old, he realized that she did not want him at all. From that time, he started to make an effort to be more involved. Although he still does not do housework, I am more than happy that he can take care of the kids now.
Actually I knew of at least 2 SAHMs. They only take care of the kids during the day. The hubbys do all the housework when they return home from work. Another FTWM also has a hubby who does all the housework after a full day's work, the mommy only teaches the kids when she returns home and does nothing else. I really envy these women ! -
Daddy is definitely trying to pitch in in our household. For example, daddy teaches maths and science, mummy teaches English, Chinese and guide the kids in their music. Mummy cooks, daddy washes after dinner. Mummy will do the laundry, daddy will mop the floor.
When it is time to destress, the whole family goes downstairs for a cycling session or hit the pool on the weekends. We chauffer the kids to their enrichment lessons together, and when the kids are in class, mum and dad get to spend quality time together.
We both hold full time jobs, and I really apprecitate what my hubby does to help out and pitch in. Erm … we also do not have a domestic helper and are not living with our parents. -
I've been very much involved in caring for my dd since she was born, I can do anything any mummy can do, except breastfeed of course...pretty obvious :lol: and errr....the teaching part, I really do not have the knack for teaching, so that's mummy's job
I've had my share of prejudices just for being an involved daddy. I remember when I was looking for an infant care centre, I got really weird looks by those care-givers when I was touring the facility. Some even refused to show me around, insisting that my wife came along. Those got struck off my list immediately. There have been many times that I'm the only male sitting in dd's enrichment class.
At work, I have been called in for a long chats with my boss to explain why I had to take leave when my dd was sick, which was very often in 2007. I was asked if there was a problem at home, why my wife couldn't take care of my daughter etc etc etc. I also try to avoid business trips and if I have to, the schedule is very tight to mimise away time. Eg, last trip to India, left Thursday 8pm, arrived Mumbai 12midnite, full day meeting, flew out 12 midnite, arrived Singapore 8am, Saturday morning.
I've to admit, my career has stalled a little because of this.
I feel that for more daddies to be involved, a change in the mindset of employers/society is needed. We can't do much with the miserly 2 days paternity leave. Maybe some form of maternity leave for us to help the mummies out; since my wife had already been taking care of dd during the day, when I came back from work, I took over, even the night shifts, so that my wife could get enough rest so as not to affect her milk supply. For the 2 months after the confinement lady left, I was like a zombie, I even snuck to my car in the car-park to catch a 20min nap. I'm not sure how I go t thru that period :lol: :lol:
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