HELP NEEDED BADLY - Wife's temper hitting the roof

[kitty2]

LionIron:

Thanks to all of you for spending so much time and effort on this forum thread.


I was extremely busy at work this week and next 2 weeks travelling for business work.

I'm so overwhelmed by you care, support, suggestions - I admit it - I shed a few tears ! I realise some of you really cared ! I'm blessed !
Give yourself a HUG from me.

I came across a hand full of friends here admitting that they are also sufferring the same fate as my wife - I'm proud for them to publicly admit their shortcomings. This is your 1st steps to breakaway from your Anger-filled Mould - I believe you will succeed - but pls let your spouses be part of that wonderful journey.

There are so many queries from all of you, I hope I can address some of it to you.

I, like most couples, have a beautiful marriage life before the kids. My wife was never a Steam Boiler from the day I met her.

After 3 kids and 15 years of marriage, she has been a Mother for the last 12 years. She had been my wife for the 1st 3 years.

What actually happened ? I will never know exactly.
Permanent hormonal changes ?
Maternal Instincts Override ?
My 1st 6 years of fatherhood of Neglect ? I admit it- I was a lousy father then. After my 3 kid was born in 2003 - Something in me snapped - I actually want to be a good father. I started mending my ways bit by bit.
The last was 1 big one - I quit smoking after 25years. I have a few more to go.

I guess my unfatherly neglect made her who she is today. She put all her hopes on our children. As she is not working, she may had felt hopeless but to depend on me financially and somewhere down that road, she may have snapped to be who she is today. I hope she still loves me - she never said ILY after you said it like twice. But its replied as \"Love you too\" - short of the \"I\".

I can only hope that the next 6 years (wish it is 6 mins) she will be Snapped again to be the complete Wife and Mother.

I have the patience and faith to see to that + all your TIPS (I'm writing down some of it)

This is a fantastic lesson for me - the Power of Forum. I know where the Great people are - ALL of YOU, just nicknames, without any faces, coming from all walks of life, having the same common goals, aspirations and anxiety for our children. Maybe I bump-into you just now during lunch ?

Thank you.

I'll be back - to tell you the Good News ! soon....

Wow!!you're indeed a great spouse as you know your problem and managed to change.I would say some men might not have the patient to move on and would just walk out of the house.

Keep it up and God lead you out if this \"Darkness\".Take care and hope to hear your good news.God Bless You

[LionIron]

After more than 2 weeks of absence, I’m finally back but work has piled-up so much, I have little time for anything.


Updates : A check with my children and maid, gauge of 1~100 in Anger (I think there is no such thing as 0 Anger). They admit she has been good with around 65.
My Angerometer scale :
1~20 = Angel
21~40 = Analyst (using it for best results only)
41~60 = Average Joe (mild mannered)
61~80 = Aggressor (blows top quite frequently)
81~100 = Anger (Liverwire)

I wasn’t very convince as my Pri 6 child just completed Prelims and I thought it was her "cooling-off" timing.

But since PSLE is in 6 weeks time, she may not have been able to "cool-off" as its THE PSLE !

I’m very surprise for the days I was at home, she was really around 65 (mainly to P6 because of alot of school work)
Overall mood was much better really.
Frankly I don’t know what happened but I’m definitely happier than before.

I will update again when PSLE is nearer…
Thanks !

[ZacK]

LionIron:

My Angerometer scale :

1~20 = Angel
21~40 = Analyst (using it for best results only)
41~60 = Average Joe (mild mannered)
61~80 = Aggressor (blows top quite frequently)
81~100 = Anger (Liverwire)

Haha I like your Angerometer! Even for me... I consider myself an \"Angel\" 90%... But with my son and getting him to do his work etc etc and having to deal with some of his nonsense... Can put me up to \"Agressor\" :x

Continue to show love and patience... I'm sure things will get better for with you and your wife :celebrate:

[corneyAmber]

LionIron, good to know that you care enough to try and find solutions.

Keep on trying, I am sure one day she will become sensitise to your Angerometer.

Just to let you know being MUM these days = cook, driver, cleaner, academic tutor, sports coach, counseller, problem-solver, parent volunteer, baker, tailor(mend & alter clothes), gardener, project expert, party organiser, practical music guide, music theory guide, dance guide, art&craft expert, games player, decision-maker, friend, domestic manager and perhaps more....

So perhaps if you can identify which load to lift off, it may help in the situation of the quick temper.

Also, in the above list she is serving all the while, here is another list to be served:
1. sign her for a regular hobby to have get-away ME time (gym, baking, etc...)
2. give her surprise SPA treatments
3. book a surprise holiday to get-away together with her
4. allow her to have a monthly hi-tea with her close friends, sth to look fwd to

Hope everything turns out better for you.

PS: I have no time to run thru all the posts so I hope I am not barking up the wrong tree for you with my suggestions. :oops:

[buds]

Heyya LionIron,


Yer Angerometer very original leh.. I like!

I'm crossing my fingers for you..

:xedfingers:

And hoping the mediocre temperament will
last long enough for you to do something
nice for her to take notice of you for once.

Keep the faith.

You're the kind of man who is one in a
million.. Your patience, loyalty and devotion
to your missus is exemplary and rare in this
world full of many crappy men.

Hope to hear more good news from you soon.
My heart is with your children.. Hope your P6
will do his best for the coming PSLE.

You take care..

[Jennifer]

LionIron:

Frankly I don't know what happened

She is member here and been reading this post?

[LionIron]

Jennifer:

LionIron:

Frankly I don't know what happened

She is member here and been reading this post?

Hi Jennifer,
Last time she views this website everyday to check my 3rd kid's Pri Sch probability. But after the Username/Password is needed, I think she may have stopped, its also because we got our choiced Pri sch for my 3rd kid !

Sorry, but I started to feel the heat from her again as PSLE draws nearer. Last night she worked my poor kid till 1:30am with lots of Disbelieve words like \"How can you donno this ? I have taught u million times\"... loud enough for 2 floors up and down to here... but its better than last time where u can hear it clearly downstairs.

Hey 12am and expecting the kid to think straight, focus and clear minded ? I can, but not a 12 year old with constant loud voices... can go bananas..

I'm going to start using all the Methods I have jotted down....
Wish me luck !

[Jennifer]

LionIron:

Wish me luck !

Wish you and your family all the best.

These days I also find myself shouting more at the youngest one. Hm, must control, control.

[Joy]

oh dear, 1.30am,still coaching your kid?


I think she is too eager to help and has forgotten that he/she is a kid afterall.

Sometime, while coaching, I also over board, but after sitting down, cool down then can think straight...

Maybe, if she has got some friends that she can talk to, she will feel better and see thing from the different light...


rgds
Joy

LionIron:

Hi Jennifer,
Last time she views this website everyday to check my 3rd kid's Pri Sch probability. But after the Username/Password is needed, I think she may have stopped, its also because we got our choiced Pri sch for my 3rd kid !

Sorry, but I started to feel the heat from her again as PSLE draws nearer. Last night she worked my poor kid till 1:30am with lots of Disbelieve words like \"How can you donno this ? I have taught u million times\"... loud enough for 2 floors up and down to here... but its better than last time where u can hear it clearly downstairs.

Hey 12am and expecting the kid to think straight, focus and clear minded ? I can, but not a 12 year old with constant loud voices... can go bananas..

I'm going to start using all the Methods I have jotted down....
Wish me luck !

[BlueBells]

Wow … 1:30am and still working …


If my kids forget to learn their spelling / study for their test, and it’s bed time, off to bed they go. They just have to flunk the test and learnt the hard way that they need to learn how to manage their time. I get very worked up if they are not in bed by 10pm (by 10:30pm, i will be blowing my top) during school day.

Perhaps you could sit down with your child and draft out a study plan with him / her together. Negotiate with your wife that you would take over the coaching at night during this week’s holiday break, and then tell your child he needs to keep his bargain and stick to the study plan. Let your child know that if he co-operates with you, things might be easier.

Since your wife uses negative words, you need to be EXTREMELY encouraging and positive to your child, let him know you believe in him, that all it matters is that he put in his best effort, and no matter what happens, you will always love him. It is important that your child feels your love, more so during this trying period than ever.

Your unconditional love and believe in him trying his best will keep his morale and confidence from dipping further, and I consider these important too. Give him TONS of hugs and love. Do nothing, sit him on your lap and hug him tight for 5 minutes. No words need to be exchanged. Actions speak louder than words.