Money is an angel or a monster to relationship?
-
chocolatebar:
Whenever talk bout money, it always hurts feeling and relationship. I am kinda person who always have a thought tat is money really a big matter tat enough to kill all the feeling and the relationship you build for years? SIGH! Whyyyyyy have to argue over money??
Condition 1 - wife is sensible in spending & shown that she 持家有道.
Condition 2 - husband loves wife more than his money or possessions.
I can't think of any reason to argue over money if above conditions are met -
Money is just a tool. Why blame the tool if the owners don’t know how to wield it wisely?
-
sleepy:
[quote]No.. my dad gives my uncle money to study and blah blah blah then my mum dun like. then argue lor~ a lot of these situations. all bout money.[/quote]chocolatebar:
Whenever talk bout money, it always hurts feeling and relationship. I am kinda person who always have a thought tat is money really a big matter tat enough to kill all the feeling and the relationship you build for years? SIGH! Whyyyyyy have to argue over money??
Condition 1 - wife is sensible in spending & shown that she 持家有道.
Condition 2 - husband loves wife more than his money or possessions.
I can't think of any reason to argue over money if above conditions are met -
Mawar:
Money is just a tool. Why blame the tool if the owners don't know how to wield it wisely?
[quote]it s not tat simple, everyone grow up in different environment different education of course they got different mind set. so when they use money they ll follow their \"right\" way. when another dun agree then argue ady lor.it s not bout who rite who wrong n tat makes complication.[/quote] -
Money in itself is not evil. It is how the person who uses or regards it that makes it an "angel" or "monster". Eg., a rich man may live simply but uses his money to help the needy. Another rich man may live lavishly and still wants to acquire more money at the expense of others.
-
There are many reasons why people feel money is important. However, it is when there is no limit put on "how much is enough", and /or at the expense of other more important things that money is evil.
Although there are things DH and I often argue about, it is rarely money. This is also something DH’s parents and my parents hardly argue over. So it seems the perception of money is formed from young, within the family and upbringing.
Chocolatebar, if you feel it isn’t, and should not be something that will cause problems with loved ones, try asking yourself if you could let go. "If you want, take it" mindset - be out of the game. If not, could it be due to other reasons like justice? Or lack of other qualities within the members like empathy and compassion? Sometimes, if one everyone can have a bit more empathy and compassion for each other, the money issue becomes a minor problem. This is important not just to resolve issues at hand. It affects the way our children perceive money too…Just my 2 cents worth. -
concern2:
[quote]I dun know..but i think coz of my parent, my mind set for money is quite anyhow, i mean i didnt take seriously of tis matter. if i got money then i use, if i dun ve then tat s it. (of course single can do things like tis if married sure cannot).i seldom buy shirt or jean or other things i dun need (things for fun i wont buy definitely). i dun wish to be controlled by money. People are greedy. We wont feel satisfied. [/quote]There are many reasons why people feel money is important. However, it is when there is no limit put on \"how much is enough\", and /or at the expense of other more important things that money is evil.
Although there are things DH and I often argue about, it is rarely money. This is also something DH's parents and my parents hardly argue over. So it seems the perception of money is formed from young, within the family and upbringing.
Chocolatebar, if you feel it isn't, and should not be something that will cause problems with loved ones, try asking yourself if you could let go. \"If you want, take it\" mindset - be out of the game. If not, could it be due to other reasons like justice? Or lack of other qualities within the members like empathy and compassion? Sometimes, if one everyone can have a bit more empathy and compassion for each other, the money issue becomes a minor problem. This is important not just to resolve issues at hand. It affects the way our children perceive money too...Just my 2 cents worth. -
sleepy:
Sleepy,
Condition 1 - wife is sensible in spending & shown that she 持家有道.
Condition 2 - husband loves wife more than his money or possessions.
I can't think of any reason to argue over money if above conditions are met
I think you got it backwards :evil: :evil:
it should be :
Condition 1 - husband is sensible in spending & shown that he 持家有道.
Condition 2 - wife loves husband and children more than money or possessions.
:siam: :siam:
-
insider:
[quote]yea, as you say, both r rite, n as a daughter i cant interfere also. my dad told me tis n my mum told me tis. They r both rite just the value different. my dad think there is a responsiblity for him to give money for his brother to study n help them n my mum argue coz they nvr return back money n she say we earn money very hard why we ve to \"give\" away tat. Tat s why they quarrel very fierce. haiz. I cant solve the problem also. Till now, they still cannot negotiate tis issue. I m afraid at the end they divorce. I dun wish tat happen. SIGH![/quote]chocolatebar:
I am kinda person who always have a thought tat is money really a big matter tat enough to kill all the feeling and the relationship you build for years? SIGH! Whyyyyyy have to argue over money??
A person usually shapes his/her perception of the value of money around what his parents believe though not always. If the parents are thrifty, then the child is likely to be such; etc. If one parent is thrifty and one parent is not, then the child (such as you) will require some 'intelligence' to sift out for yourself what is 'right' or 'wrong' (as to which direction you are more inclined to).
Your dad wants to sponsor your uncle and your mum refuses, basically this is a common issue between husband and wife as to 'how to spend money'. Both parties are not wrong coz supporting one's own sibling is correct (unless maybe that sibling is a 'eat waste rice' person') and saving money for one's own family is also not wrong. Your parents actually should settle this score behind children's back and if want to discuss with the children, should discuss it in a calm manner instead of currently I believe they are quite hostile when discussing this matter and thereby affecting you somehow.
If you are matured enough, face their hostile finger pointing at each other with minimal effect if possible. See from their points of views and whoever 'wins' the score, the other party is also a winner (coz both are not really fighting money for money sake but rather it's a fight of belief and value. To make the comparison simpler, it's something like a fight of one saying Christinity is better, the other saying Buddhism is better when both are as good. When you can see through that they are chasing each other in meaningless circles, then perhaps you can 'enjoy' their quarrels instead of feeling frustrated).
A child is a lucky one if he can have stable and matured enough parents who know what to say and what not to say in front of kids. If the child is not so unlucky to have such parents, then he may have to count his blessings by thinking to himself that he can get to watch a challenge of wills between two parties, the results, and the ultimate reconciliation between the two - a process if the child is wise enough, can learn a lot of things... -
insider:
[quote]Thanks for ur little story.chocolatebar
I will share a small story with you that touches on the value of money.
Last Friday I wanted to take a cab to my friend's house for mahjong. I saw a dark coloured taxi coming and I thought it was a 'black' one (limo) and so I didn't raise my hand to flag it.
When the cab approached nearer, it was a dark purple cab and so I flagged and took it.
I chatted with the elderly cabman in the car and related to him I thought his is a black limo and I didn't flag etc.
Our conversation:
Cab: How much can you save between taking a limo and a regular cab?
Me: Emm...about $5.
Cab: Is $5 very important to you?
Me: Not really lah.
Cab: How often you see a black limo?
Me: Seldom.
Cab: If $5 is not very important to you and you seldom meet a black limo, why not you consider taking it next time if you meet one? There are only 200 black limo in Singapore and actually chances of one seeing it is not so high. Your not-so-important $5 is helping that black limo cabman to feed his family. Life's short and one should not cling on to money so tightly. 'Over-count' is no good.
Me: Oh, uncle, thank you for reminding me on this important lesson that I should have known. I forget about my role to contribute to the economy and I have thrifted unnecessarily. Next time I will hop on a limo when I see one.
Cab: Ya, that should be the way. If you can afford, you pay for services, even though they are more expensive. Anyway, on average the limo's fare is about 50% higher than the regular one. So, if you are travelling short journey, the fare difference maybe only a few dollars but it can be in terms of tens if you are travelling far. (meaning if really want to save, skip limo only for far journey, otherwise, close eyes and hop on).
Me: Thank you, uncle!
So, above conversation reflects one's value of money which I am more subscribed towards the cabman's belief (but sometimes I may forget and go back to my habit of thrifting).
Imagine a mum and a dad with a kid waiting for a taxi. So the black limo comes. The dad wants to hop in and the mum says no with the kid looking at each other left and right. So, it's not really about money but it's about one's value on money...
yea,the value. My dad once told me he could have divorced w my mum if he is not strong enough. I just cant simpply forget wat he said. It s tooooo shocking. Since young I tot my parent love each other a lotttttt. however, i think they do, but the value of them is totally different. tat s why my mum keep on saying they r not suitable for each other. As a daughter, of course I dun wish they divorce but as a woman I encourage my mum divorce. What a ironic situation.[/quote]
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login