Money is an angel or a monster to relationship?
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insider:
[quote]My dad wont wan his bro to write iou. my uncle wont write also. tat s weird for men to do when they are even bro. My uncle is a good man he love studying. But lots of my uncles they borrow money from my dad. tat s why my mum fed up.==\"[/quote]chocolatebar:
n my mum argue coz they nvr return back money n she say we earn money very hard why we ve to \"give\" away tat. Tat s why they quarrel very fierce. haiz. I cant solve the problem also. Till now, they still cannot negotiate tis issue. I m afraid at the end they divorce. I dun wish tat happen. SIGH!
what do you think of your uncle? good man or an 'eat waste rice' man?
if 'good' man, your dad should definitely support (of course must be within means); never mind about if really at the end don't get back the money. This kind of kind 'seed' once sown will have unknown results.
When your mum is in a better mood, maybe you can share with her that by agreeing your dad to support his brother's studies, your dad may get to work harder. Somehow, by trying to make/force the money ' stay put' in one's bank account, your dad may subsequently splurge it on a' third woman' if that sum of money is not meant to be sitting safely in the bank account in the first place. From the very brief details that I get to know from your writing, the sum of money in your parents' bank account seems to be in a 'move' stage (动态)and it has to go out in one way or another (and so sponsoring uncle's studies is much better than spending it on medical bills of someone or third woman or etc).
Money in and money out...we should count but should never over-count else at the end, the 'counter' may get hurt by own counting...
PS: Perhaps your dad can get his brother to sign an IOU but usually men don't do such thing. Your uncle should sign coz your dad is a very good brother and he may know his financial needs is giving his brother some family problems. Actually your uncle if matured enough should propose an IOU himself... (but men are men, don't really have 'detailed brain'...) -
Oppsgal:
If a relative ask you to pay items for him first and pay you back later. But later, didn't do so... maybe forgot. Will you ask for the money back?
[quote]Depend on the amount. if big then ve to ask back if small then forget it.
[/quote]
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Oppsgal:
If a relative ask you to pay items for him first and pay you back later. But later, didn't do so... maybe forgot. Will you ask for the money back?
after 3 or 4 reminders and still didnt pay back, if less than $100, then forget it. but if she ask to help her buy again, just remind her about the money owed and say need the $$$ to help her buy her new stuff.
i would prefer not to entertain her request at all. if forced to agree, i still wont get the stuff. simply tell her too busy and no money to pay for the things if she calls to ask for the stuff. -
钱不是万能的，但没钱却是万万不能。
Money is an angel when it is enough, a monster when it is not enough.
So, enough or not depends on the supply and demand.
If you cannot control supply ,control the demand (i.e. urges, desires).
If it gets out of control, it’ll turn into a monster. -
chocolatebar:
w/o going into details, I feel, there's a simple way to end the stalemate.
They r both working in a company. My dad is the boss n my mum helps him. Tat s why the situation getting worse coz my mum's money is my dad's money, my dad's money is my mum's money , they cant be separate. sooooooo.....the situation r so complicated. They cant even think of solution till now.
Like you say, your dad's money is your mom's and vice versa.
Hence, there should be mutual understanding that any money that flows out of the family requires the consent of both parties.
If your mom refuses to let the money goes out, your dad should respect it. He can try all ways and means to convince your mom, that's his right. But if your mom refuse, then no means no.. he should respect it. No one will have the upper hand on how the money is spend. and that should end all the arguments.
Next time, when your mom needs to spend out of the family, your dad can always exercise his veto rights.. :evil: :evil:
W/o mutual respect and common understandings, it is very difficult to stick together.. thru thick and thin.. -
insider:
[quote]i m 21 ady, my mom 41 my dad 46. my parent got me then married, i m the eldest one. that s why i ve to take more responsibility than my two dun know anything sisters. everything i know n tat makes me feel even more pathetic. Their conflict nvr end as long as they work tgt n my mom gives money to my grandma n my dad gives money to my uncles. The gap is toooooo deep tat cant possibly to sort out. My mom once got depression after crying in the midnite for two years n my dad dun even know bout it. but now she ok ady via doing exercise. My dad is very stress on principal things, if he think tis thing is rite then he ll just do it without thinking(like he gives money to my uncles), my mom also very hot temper, n she wont give in means she wont. tat s why, things become more n more worse. I told them to see counseller but in JB u cant really find counseller for marriage. [/quote]chocolatebar:
As a daughter, of course I dun wish they divorce but as a woman I encourage my mum divorce. What a ironic situation.
chocolatebar,
can share how old are you and the ages of your parents?
Why you are in this ironic situation of \"As a daughter, of course I dun wish they divorce but as a woman I encourage my mum divorce\"?
In a marriage, there bound to be conflicts and the parties need to iron them out. This kind of 'money issue' actually is no big deal in a marriage that doesn't warrant a divorce (money cannot buy a marriage), unless your parents are having other more serious conflicts.
Pertaining to this conflict over money, your parents just need to each take a step backward and then move on, modelling to you how to give and take instead of two parties also headstrong (I will say your mum needs to back off and allows your dad to sponsor. Your dad may return her with more kindness that will strengthen the marriage). Never win the battle but lose the war; it's just so unwise and may regret one day...
Emmm...maybe your parents should go for some counselling courses (coz this money issue is really not a big issue if one were to step outside the issue and look at it. it's the both parties who are too heated inside who may feel cannot resolve...)
退一步，海阔天空... -
limlim:
[quote]My dad wont give in. His bro got troubles means he got trouble n he ll take money out without hestitation. haha[/quote]
w/o going into details, I feel, there's a simple way to end the stalemate.chocolatebar:
They r both working in a company. My dad is the boss n my mum helps him. Tat s why the situation getting worse coz my mum's money is my dad's money, my dad's money is my mum's money , they cant be separate. sooooooo.....the situation r so complicated. They cant even think of solution till now.
Like you say, your dad's money is your mom's and vice versa.
Hence, there should be mutual understanding that any money that flows out of the family requires the consent of both parties.
If your mom refuses to let the money goes out, your dad should respect it. He can try all ways and means to convince your mom, that's his right. But if your mom refuse, then no means no.. he should respect it. No one will have the upper hand on how the money is spend. and that should end all the arguments.
Next time, when your mom needs to spend out of the family, your dad can always exercise his veto rights.. :evil: :evil:
W/o mutual respect and common understandings, it is very difficult to stick together.. thru thick and thin.. -
chocolatebar:
[quote]My dad wont give in. His bro got troubles means he got trouble n he ll take money out without hestitation. haha[/quote][/quote]Your mom should have a private account of her own right from the start. That should separate biz from family. Your mom doesn't feel financially secured tho she's working, because she has no control over the money.
w/o going into details, I feel, there's a simple way to end the stalemate.limlim:
[quote=\"chocolatebar\"]
They r both working in a company. My dad is the boss n my mum helps him. Tat s why the situation getting worse coz my mum's money is my dad's money, my dad's money is my mum's money , they cant be separate. sooooooo.....the situation r so complicated. They cant even think of solution till now.
Like you say, your dad's money is your mom's and vice versa.
Hence, there should be mutual understanding that any money that flows out of the family requires the consent of both parties.
If your mom refuses to let the money goes out, your dad should respect it. He can try all ways and means to convince your mom, that's his right. But if your mom refuse, then no means no.. he should respect it. No one will have the upper hand on how the money is spend. and that should end all the arguments.
Next time, when your mom needs to spend out of the family, your dad can always exercise his veto rights.. :evil: :evil:
W/o mutual respect and common understandings, it is very difficult to stick together.. thru thick and thin.. -
They should keep a joint account to manage joint finances and separate personal accounts also. Work out a formula to flow money out of the ‘joint’ space into personal space (e.g. some form of ‘salary’, for instance), and then your Dad can use whatever’s in his personal account for whatever he wants, but leaves the joint account alone.
Works for me and my DW, more than 70% of our total nett assets in the joint (cannot touch without co-decision), the rest in personal accounts, which we have freedom to use as we wish. Very little in terms of dispute, I have to say. -
3Boys:
:goodpost: It all boils down to money management, chocolatebar.They should keep a joint account to manage joint finances and separate personal accounts also. Work out a formula to flow money out of the 'joint' space into personal space (e.g. some form of 'salary', for instance), and then your Dad can use whatever's in his personal account for whatever he wants, but leaves the joint account alone.
Works for me and my DW, more than 70% of our total nett assets in the joint (cannot touch without co-decision), the rest in personal accounts, which we have freedom to use as we wish. Very little in terms of dispute, I have to say.
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