Favouritism
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More favour is shown to the prodigal son/daughter.
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concern2:
Do you and your DH really have any favourites?
it is in this order for dh,
1) dd & ds
2) dw
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Angelight:
[/quote]same here :grphug: positive thinking - at least IL will not choose to stay with u when they r old. Normally IL will prefer to stay with son n DIL who they dote on the most.You mean how do I handle her favoritism?
Initially I was very hurt that me and DH was the less favored ones in the family. She (MIL) would cook her darling son and DIL their fav foods when they came to eat; but when me and DH came for dinner, it's the usual fare. She even sent her own maid to clean up their house and wash/iron their laundry even though they have their own maid. But when I was in-between maids, got to do housework, cook and take care of baby, she didn't ask her maid to help me. She would also always ask my hubby to run errands but not her fav son. The favoritism was very obvious and it was hurting - back then.
Now I've developed an immunity to such blatant favoritism and I bochap anymore. I just focus on loving my family, that is my DH and DD. I don't yearn for her love or acceptance anymore so it hurts abit less. It's sad, I know...especially when the favoritism has extended to my child's generation. Even 4 yo DD knows her nai nai loves her cousins more than her. :sad:mama_g:
[quote=\"Angelight\"]Favoritism...hmmm...I know exactly how it's like. My MIL blatantly shows favoritism to one of her sons and DIL, it is so obvious that even 4-yr-old DD can tell...it's sad that a child so young already learns what is favoritism.
high 5 Angelight, i got the same kind of mil, other than that she is okk, dotes my kids cos the other son no kids yet. I really hate that kind of sight when she so 'scared' the other son and DIL... how do u handle such situation? -
Hmmmm.....MIL denied but action speaks louder than words.
When we buy food for MIL to try, she would claim so so, all taste similar.... the exact same food from her favorite son is marvelous and expensive one, different ok?!!.
When favorite son buys MIL food, she takes out the rest claiming can dispose cos' expiring and puts in fav son stuff.
When MIL needs people to run errands, all the rest kena left-right-center when they are not free but the fav son is always spared. Best is, the rest tho have kids and spare more time for MIL, the fav has hardly time for MIL cos gotta bathe and walk the dog. Whenever MIL criticize other people with dogs, I like to jab at her & she knew she has no case 人不如狗 :evil: -
Relevant article, book and video in light of this topic.
Playing Favorites: Why Mom Likes You (or One of Your Siblings) Best
http://sg.yahoo.matchmove.com/news/article/playing-favorites -
ksi:
Maybe you can ask them if they love daddy more or mummy more? If this is tough for them, it may help them to understand why it is tough for you.
Very jazzy advice for new parents haha.. soothes parents to be who may be have tendency to express favourtism too.. -
Glad to stumble upon this thread. I have the exact same issue as Angelight.
I used to be very friendly, visited in-laws every Sunday, and tried to chat till I saw the difference in treatment when both her fave son’s wife and I got pregnant at the same time. Now I just act cold when they visit and dun even bother to visit her unless necessary. Already told DH to tell his mom to stay with her fave son next time. I will only stay with my own parents coz they were the only ones who helped me look after my babies when i needed help. Where was she?
DS asked me yesterday who was my fave child. I told him matter-of-factly, the one who treats me the best will be my fave. I will never be like my MIL or my grandma who show favoritism to people who don’t even want to take care of them. Warped minds they have. -
UncleLim:
More favour is shown to the prodigal son/daughter.
This is oh so true! I wonder what's the reason... they are afraid that if they don't show that extra love, the prodigal child will leave them? So we the good children are taken for granted?
That's why I have changed my attitude and now show them the same bochap behaviour as the prodigal child. -
i try very hard to balance out between the two of them but sometimes it’s hard. the naughty one is worrying the obedient one is heartwarming. Now i understand what my mother means when she told me she will worry abt me no matter how old i am just because i am her child hahas.
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DD is more rebellious compared to DS and often lands herself in trouble or getting on my nerves. DH interprets this as me favoring DS more and is less tolerant of DD. It hurts me more when he makes such sweeping statements in front of the kids, which I find unfair to me, and which I fear would result in the kids having prejudice of me. Usually, I’d already be very stressed when trying to get DD to behave herself, and the unfair comments coming from DH would easily crumble me. After telling DH how I feel, he would try to hold himself back, but I don’t think it did anything to change his opinion of me. I would have to put in extra efforts to explain to the kids, together, and one to one, how I feel and why I did what I did…s-t-ress leh…
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