Cold Wars (with your spouse)

[Baby39]

Abusive?! I never thought of it that way. I kept telling myself not to get angry (but I can’t help it) and whether I should "give in" like previous times and hope all will be ok again.


concern 2, i can log on but no internet access. i am not IT savy enough to know how to to "switch on". TV has a password which of course I don’t know. and since today he threw away my phone charger cable, literally means I cant charge my mobile phone at home. Good news, I can use home phone! I don’t have any family to talk to and he knows it. I do sound pathetic myself eh?

[concern2]

Baby39:

Abusive?! I never thought of it that way. I kept telling myself not to get angry (but I can't help it) and whether I should \"give in\" like previous times and hope all will be ok again.


concern 2, i can log on but no internet access. i am not IT savy enough to know how to to \"switch on\". TV has a password which of course I don't know. and since today he threw away my phone charger cable, literally means I cant charge my mobile phone at home. Good news, I can use home phone! I don't have any family to talk to and he knows it. I do sound pathetic myself eh?

Baby39:

Abusive?! I never thought of it that way. I kept telling myself not to get angry (but I can't help it) and whether I should \"give in\" like previous times and hope all will be ok again.

concern 2, i can log on but no internet access. i am not IT savy enough to know how to to \"switch on\". TV has a password which of course I don't know. and since today he threw away my phone charger cable, literally means I cant charge my mobile phone at home. Good news, I can use home phone! I don't have any family to talk to and he knows it. I do sound pathetic myself eh?

But I don't really understand - if you don't have internet excess, how could you possibly write in this forum? :? And why would anyone put a password on the TV :yikes: And he threw away your phone charger cable :yikes:

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been married to your husband and how old are your kids? Are you a SAHM?

[Chenonceau]

Baby39:

Abusive?! I never thought of it that way. I kept telling myself not to get angry (but I can't help it) and whether I should \"give in\" like previous times and hope all will be ok again.


concern 2, i can log on but no internet access. i am not IT savy enough to know how to to \"switch on\". TV has a password which of course I don't know. and since today he threw away my phone charger cable, literally means I cant charge my mobile phone at home. Good news, I can use home phone! I don't have any family to talk to and he knows it. I do sound pathetic myself eh?

This is not acceptable. Please call AWARE hotline and get help.

[Baby39]

concern2:

But I don't really understand - if you don't have internet excess, how could you possibly write in this forum? :? And why would anyone put a password on the TV :yikes: And he threw away your phone charger cable :yikes:

I am office cinderalla. I can access to internet during the daytime when I am in the office.

[Baby39]

Chenonceau:

This is not acceptable. Please call AWARE hotline and get help.

Chenonceau, thanks for giving me a different perspective, really appreciate it. AWARE? I most definitely do not qualify for their legal aid and as for listening ear, I don't know - I am a person that can express myself much better on writings than words.

[Funz]

concern2:

I know the hubby, but not as well, and he never talks about personal things. If I were to approach him, he's going to know his wife had been telling me things, which I think will aggravate the situation.

Unfortunately, if that is the case, the best thing that you as a friend can do is to provide a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on when your friend needs it. I know it gets frustrating sometimes. I know I vent to my friends and when they gave me suggestions or ask me why I don't just confront him, I tell them no point, will only lead to quarrels and then back to square one so why bother. That was my attitude and after some time, I also know, friends get tired of hearing the same vent when I was not going to do anything to change matters. Eventually I stopped talking to my friends as well. If they ask, I will tell them things are ok. Only 1 friend told me this, whatever your decision, and how you want to handle your situation, just know that I will be here for you.

[concern2]

Funz:

concern2:

I know the hubby, but not as well, and he never talks about personal things. If I were to approach him, he's going to know his wife had been telling me things, which I think will aggravate the situation.

Unfortunately, if that is the case, the best thing that you as a friend can do is to provide a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on when your friend needs it. I know it gets frustrating sometimes. I know I vent to my friends and when they gave me suggestions or ask me why I don't just confront him, I tell them no point, will only lead to quarrels and then back to square one so why bother. That was my attitude and after some time, I also know, friends get tired of hearing the same vent when I was not going to do anything to change matters. Eventually I stopped talking to my friends as well. If they ask, I will tell them things are ok. Only 1 friend told me this, whatever your decision, and how you want to handle your situation, just know that I will be here for you.

Thanks for this, Funz! I think that's what I'll tell her too! :please:

[lingsummer]

yes, very childish and overboard.


for me about 1 day, everything goes abck to normal.

[LOLMum]

a bit cheesy but hey, forget about the cold wars (if possible) and think of romance.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W09pxVYgcYs

[buds]

Funz:

However, many years ago, I think, I was in cold war mode with DH for over a year. Talking to him only to convey information, not confiding in him about anything, handling everything myself, not bothering to talk to him about what I was unhappy about, going about my own activities without including him, etc.


It reached that point after many years of me being vocal about how I felt, wanting to work things out but him not responding, countless broken promises, being blamed for all things that did not go his way, being the last on his list of priorities, being lied to, etc. At some point, I shut down. I was so tired that I became numb. I did not care anymore whether he came home for dinner or whether or not he was home at 3/4am. I no longer had the energy to get upset when he came home pissed drunk. I moved on with my own life.

Our turning point came when he was at his lowest point in his career. That was when he turned to us, his family, but I was not there for him. He will try to confide in me but I was too 'closed up' to offer any kind of support for him. He reached out and said he is really trying and has been for the last few months but I was not acknowledging his efforts. That opened a floodgate. There was so much resentment in me by then and all I wanted to do was to hit out at him. I ranted and railed and he yelled and shouted there was tears and old pain resurfaced. He said he was trying I said not hard enough, he said he was lonely, I told him so was I and where was he all these time. But in the end, when the rush of emotions settled, I told him to give me time to let go of all the resentment.

I never thought what happened years ago was cold war since basic 'need to' conversation was still on going.

In any case, I will say don't let your cold wars drag on too long. It will eat away at you and in it does not solve anything. The only way to work things out is to really trash it out and talk it through and of course followed by necessary actions and commitments.

I know how this feels. I too have been there and done that. :snuggles:
The numbness is kinda scary cos one can easily lose all feeling and lose everything.
Still takes two to trash things out and in the long run stay committed to work the kinks out.