In-law problems?
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racoon12:
So everyone think i am is the selfish, petty and cant get along with. Initially i am hurt. But now i cant be bothered.
I didn't mind being thought selfish, petty and difficult (my MIL loved to say that about me) as long as I could do things my way. -
racoon12:
Hmm....I can kinda relate to this. While think MIL not exactly too terrible, BIL came and inform me about MIL went teary and complaint to him that DH dotes on me which was quite untrue. DH quite partial type, in fact tilting more towards MIL cos' she's old liao....that I can understand and able to tolerate. But to go round telling others that, it sure make it look like I'm bullying her loh. Anyway, if ever not happy and other BIL wanna stand up for her, then bring her over to their own household........people in glass towers should not criticise others right? MIL can try to see if she can even step into other DIL's home.....despite just nearby, all the rest refused to give a spare key to her loh.My MIL told me once when we quarreled 'ur are DIL so i cant touch you'. But she is using mental abuse rather than physical abuse on me. Behaving like she is the king of the house when my hubby is on business trip. My children cant go near me. If not, she will start to give them order to fetch this n that or do this or that.... I really cant stand it. How i wish i can order her to leave my house at once. so i can take reign.
However, she is behaving like an angel in front of my two SIL and her DHs, my BIL and his wife. So everyone think i am is the selfish, petty and cant get along with. Initially i am hurt. But now i cant be bothered. -
Chenonceau,
Yeah.. u r rite. Since i am v petty so dun mesh up with me :). Unfortunately, my DH's family build their 'wall' towards me. Since they are behaving that, i oso the same loh... i try keep my cool & dun be bothered. -
MIL is moving in next month. Before I agreed to the arrangement, I took care to explain repeatedly that it will be a thankless job for me.
I am the one with flexible hours. I am the one who will need to tend to them and their problems. If they fall ill, I will also be the one to provide primary healthcare… or at least supervise its delivery. All these years, I am the one to drive them here and there… to medical appointments and such like. My husband has inflexibly long working hours.
Nonetheless, I am the one who gets saddled with the epithets "difficult" and "selfish". And whenever things irritate the old folks in daily living, it would be something I did or did not do. And even though we carved out 1000sq ft of space for the old folks to have their own space (kitchen, living, bedroom and garden), people will still talk and comment that it is ungracious of me not to share the whole house.
Luckily, on this one point, my MIL realizes (because I say it upfront) that this is something we did to give her dignity and self-respect in her golden years and she will correct the perception whenever she meets it. She shared with me that some of her friends may stay with the son, but they have no space to call their own except their room. So, I guess I am lucky. -
Becontented,
My MIL is putting her clothes in spare room at her other children's house in case we chase her out....
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racoon12:
hmmmm. Maybe she is so 'cocky' (wah, I seldom use such terms but I dunno what other words to use) cos she has 'somewhere else' to go?Becontented,
My MIL is putting her clothes in spare room at her other children's house in case we chase her out....
Mine knows DH would never let her stay alone (she rented her house out) & yet cannot go to other kids' place, so half poke poke, half ok lah. While I'm not one who will easily turn my back towards her (as long as I can tolerate), her other kids' better not try to be 'hero'.....which they very smart so far. -
BeContented:
Becontented,
hmmmm. Maybe she is so 'cocky' (wah, I seldom use such terms but I dunno what other words to use) cos she has 'somewhere else' to go?racoon12:
Becontented,
My MIL is putting her clothes in spare room at her other children's house in case we chase her out....
Mine knows DH would never let her stay alone (she rented her house out) & yet cannot go to other kids' place, so half poke poke, half ok lah. While I'm not one who will easily turn my back towards her (as long as I can tolerate), her other kids' better not try to be 'hero'.....which they very smart so far.
Actually i am waiting for the 'other kids' become hero then i will have my FREEDOM......
I really wish that person all the best or maybe my MIL will behave if she is staying with them
Juz that dun every forthnitely call my hubby saying that she wanted to see her grandchildren will be good enuf for me... -
my MIL had always go around telling ppl she knows, neighbours, even just walk in customers at their store, that i was very evil teach her son to quarrel with her , i gave her son"fu shui" from temple? to drink to make him listen to me, the family broken coz of me…also whenever, my DH and his sister had disputes over their family business matters she will quickly add that" oh see, its ur "bo" again that psycho you to quarrel with ur sister right"? then she will cry and yell loudly and said "wow, unfilial son , unfilial son …listen to ur "bo" till our family break up…sigh, u know, its like a cycle thing, its just happen and happen again. The sibings quarrel whats has it got to do with me???just bcos she knew her DD always "backstab" me , so she tot i same same "backstab" her precious mighty DD and have my DH quarrel with her DD. i not so free like her DD everyday think how to make other ppl life unhappy only. My SIL also got integrity problem, she always "smear" me then my DH question her , she "deny" and told him that "oh u see, your "bo" lied to you to make us dirft apart"!!! I just cant believe an almost 40 years old behave herself like that!!! My DH always tell me that SIL from young till now , parents spoilt her liao…no one can change her already.
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ningning:
my MIL had always go around telling ppl she knows, neighbours, even just walk in customers at their store, that i was very evil teach her son to quarrel with her , i gave her son\"fu shui\" from temple? to drink to make him listen to me, the family broken coz of me...........also whenever, my DH and his sister had disputes over their family business matters she will quickly add that\" oh see, its ur \"bo\" again that psycho you to quarrel with ur sister right\"? then she will cry and yell loudly and said \"wow, unfilial son , unfilial son ..listen to ur \"bo\" till our family break up........sigh, u know, its like a cycle thing, its just happen and happen again. The sibings quarrel whats has it got to do with me??????just bcos she knew her DD always \"backstab\" me , so she tot i same same \"backstab\" her precious mighty DD and have my DH quarrel with her DD. i not so free like her DD everyday think how to make other ppl life unhappy only. My SIL also got integrity problem, she always \"smear\" me then my DH question her , she \"deny\" and told him that \"oh u see, your \"bo\" lied to you to make us dirft apart\"!!! I just cant believe an almost 40 years old behave herself like that!!! My DH always tell me that SIL from young till now , parents spoilt her liao...no one can change her already.
Ningning,
It is easier to blame other ppl... this is what my MIL is doing all along. She is just blaming for any problems arises onto my laps. Kids sick-i din take care properly. Kids academical drop - I din coached. Kids misbehave-I too pampered them. Even the TCM doctor that my kids is consulting she also find no good. Initial stage i keep quiet but now i dun be bothered. What i do will be wrong in her eyes.... -
LKVM:
The physical marks are gone liao.. however the emotional marks which she left it on me will never go... :sad:[/quote]ya i agreed, me too, can nvr forgive my MIL for trying to hit me with umbrella though its been almost 4 years liao since then. and at that time, my FIL only stop her from beating their son but did not stop her from attempting to beat me then!!! it was my DH that shield me then. Things can nvr be the same anymore since what had happened. In my this life now, i can nvr ever forgive them and their DD.....Though i no choice still call them \"father and mum\" when out of no choice meet them, but inside my heart I dun respect them anymore, i even look down on my FIL , coz i have looked upon him as a man and the head of family, but he has failed me then when he din stop his crazy wife from beating me and my SIL who verbally abused me viciously.
Ouch! That must have hurt!! To leave a bruise like that!Chenonceau:
[quote=\"LKVM\"]
She held my hand tightly(the blue mark was there till dunno a week or so
) and pushed me down... imagine I was preggie that time... :faint:
My sister had once asked me will i still choose to marry my DH if time can go back.....i remained silence.......coz sadly my answer wasnt the same as ten years back then coz this marriage really tired me a lot a lot.......
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