In-law problems?

[Funz]

Never be the one to prevent your spouse or your children from spending time with your PILs.


FIL just passed away and DH is now filled with regrets. He regrets that he did not spend more time with PILs. He regrets that he did not make and effort to bring the kids to meet up with PILs more. He regrets that he never included PILs in any of our family holidays. Seeing DH struggling with his regrets and guilt is painful. And much as he does not want his own regrets to affect us, it is starting to cast a shadow on our lives.

I have never stopped DH from spending time with PILs and I have tried to include them in all family gatherings. Though I never initiated any holidays with them, I have never stopped DH from asking them along.

You may not be totally involved in your IL’s lives and activities and celebrations and such, you may even exclude yourself for whatever reasons. But never ever be the one to prevent your spouse from spending time with his/her parents

[Flowermonaster]

just888:

LOLMum:

maybe if you stop giving out birthday gifts, they might appear to remind you.


if mil ask why no presents, just say \"oh, never seen them so cant remember how old they are and so didnt get any\".

Think 2 years ago I got the girls some dresses from our vacation trip. The reply came back is the elder one dress is going to be too small liao. My replied then was, I last saw them they small built wat.. grow so fast liao huh? No one tell me what's their built.
Think if on the road, my son and his cousins would never recognize each other. Told my son, he like no cousins but nevermind, my cousins' kid are his cousins too. hehe

Yeah yeah, I support LOLMum's idea! :rahrah:
Never see them so mean not in existence wat. So they r the legendary 神龙? :rotflmao:

[ningning]

How to accept the fact that my gal got to call that spolit princess"gu gu" at the reunion dinner where she had verbal insult me with names. . I just cant stomach it.


while i agreed that that we should not stop hubby from spending time with their parents. i had always told my Dh to attend gatherings on his own and he did. But tink i really cant let my gal which i carry for ten months in my womb, to turn up for re dinner and call that spolit "gu gu". I cant get passed this.

[LOLMum]

if you really dont want your child to call her gugu, talk to your husband and see if he could go alone for the reunion dinner.


your child can see the grandparents any other time. but what about the first day of cny? you do have to go right?

also this matter is between you and your sil, child shouldnt be caught in between.

i would only stop my child from seeing or acknowledging anyone if they badmouthed me in front of my kid.

[garam]

 I can fully understand, although I staying in the same block, she has never invite me to her place although I not keen to go.  Now the best part, she told my hubby, she will not come over to eat when my mil cook as she afraid I not happy, so my mil will bring over the food to her place.  We r eating together with the whole family including PIL & she eating with her hubby.  But can’t b bothered & gv never even ask why she dun want to come. Let her go & act, pathetic. Since I’m already a bad person just let it b

[fifiyeo]

Talking about younger SIL and BIL - when DS was in kindergarden he was very chatty and SIL found him such a pain that she screamed at him to SHUT UP! BIL was upset with DS’s mischief and took the cane and whipped him. Just felt that their should be some respect and boundary but ILs felt there was nothing wrong. But if we dare touch our nephew, we will surely be hanged!

[janet88]

ningning:

How to accept the fact that my gal got to call that spolit princess\"gu gu\" at the reunion dinner where she had verbal insult me with names. . I just cant stomach it.


while i agreed that that we should not stop hubby from spending time with their parents. i had always told my Dh to attend gatherings on his own and he did. But tink i really cant let my gal which i carry for ten months in my womb, to turn up for re dinner and call that spolit \"gu gu\". I cant get passed this.

Fly kite if that spoilt woman expects my son to address her gu gu or that selfish, self-centered brother-in-law shu shu. Don't think they deserve such nice 'addressing'. My other SIL better still, she told her daughter to address that spoilt woman 'aunt xx', 'uncle xx'. The old one hopping mad but so what...she dare not tell SIL she wants traditional way of addressing. I love it. :rahrah:

[just888]

Flowermonaster:

just888:

[quote=\"LOLMum\"]maybe if you stop giving out birthday gifts, they might appear to remind you.


if mil ask why no presents, just say \"oh, never seen them so cant remember how old they are and so didnt get any\".

Think 2 years ago I got the girls some dresses from our vacation trip. The reply came back is the elder one dress is going to be too small liao. My replied then was, I last saw them they small built wat.. grow so fast liao huh? No one tell me what's their built.
Think if on the road, my son and his cousins would never recognize each other. Told my son, he like no cousins but nevermind, my cousins' kid are his cousins too. hehe

Yeah yeah, I support LOLMum's idea! :rahrah:
Never see them so mean not in existence wat. So they r the legendary 神龙? :rotflmao:[/quote]Ya, maybe I can try with the HongPows for the 3 kids this 2012. Never see how to give?!? Usually I will just pass them to my MIL on 1st day of CNY. Now I shall pass it to them later instead this year instead and test if they will appear or not.

[LOLMum]

yes, start with angpow. keep them with you. if mil asks where are the angpows for the kids, just tell her you have not seen them for so long, cant remember how many kids there are so didnt prepare.


p.s. do you kids receive anypow or birthday presents from them?

[just888]

LOLMum:

yes, start with angpow. keep them with you. if mil asks where are the angpows for the kids, just tell her you have not seen them for so long, cant remember how many kids there are so didnt prepare.


p.s. do you kids receive anypow or birthday presents from them?

Usually I gave 1st as her 2 gals birthday falls in Jan and Feb respectively, then they will give my son in May.

I remebered when my son was younger - age 3 then, he is the only grandchild, SIL was very weird, get a multi-storey carpark toy for my son without any cars. Then told me it is very cheap to get the toy cars from ToyRUs.

Then came 1 time, I got a ropper for her elder gal when she was 6mths old from ToyRUs during my shopping. Guess what in Dec (1 mth away from my niece birthday), she told me that the ropper I got for gal was very good and nice. She said she was unable to find it even in toyRUs. I told her I am surprised she can't find it there, as I brought it there. Suggested to to try other outlet. Asked my hubby if she is trying to hint me to get another dress for her gal...maybe I am too sensitive.