In-law problems?

[singmathstutor]

Dear Ningning, agree that a family doing a family biz may be complicated. Perhaps, everyone not only wants to meddle things in the office but at home as well. I'm someone with that kind of experience, although not any more. I always tried to shield my wife from all the squabbles and unnecessary attention. But frankly, it's not easy. Ican understand your hubby's difficult position.


However, I'm glad to know that your hubby sticks by you and listens to you regarding issues pertaining to that. That to me, it very crucial. :rahrah:

[ningning]

singmathstutor:

Dear Ningning, agree that a family doing a family biz may be complicated. Perhaps, everyone not only wants to meddle things in the office but at home as well. I'm someone with that kind of experience, although not any more. I always tried to shield my wife from all the squabbles and unnecessary attention. But frankly, it's not easy. Ican understand your hubby's difficult position.


However, I'm glad to know that your hubby sticks by you and listens to you regarding issues pertaining to that. That to me, it very crucial. :rahrah:

i cried when i read what you had posted. I cried is becoz your words really touch my inner feeling. Its a simple and short reply. But it really summarized how me and my Dh felt all these while.

I am really glad that kiasuparents have this corner for me to let out my grievances and have ppl to understand how i feel. It makes me warm. Thank you all here. :thankyou:

[just888]

It seems like problem is always encounter with woman married into a wealth family. Wondering if there is in-law problem when of guy married a rich man’s daughter?

[janet88]

just888:

It seems like problem is always encounter with woman married into a wealth family. Wondering if there is in-law problem when of guy married a rich man's daughter?

If that's the case, chances are the man's parents will feel inferior.
Guy will be like marrying into the girl's family.

[ningning]

just888:

It seems like problem is always encounter with woman married into a wealth family. Wondering if there is in-law problem when of guy married a rich man's daughter?

i can answer this, my the other SIL's hubby has little education, but my PILs gave him money to set a medium size business, this business also include his extended family as well!!! PILs tot that we din know that the money was from them, is not i look down on him but we all understood that his family was a more blue collar family and the sum involved to set the business is huge. Every worker in their business all knew this \"secret\". But PILs tried very hard to make it seem like their daughter has married someone wealthy. My PILS doesnt look down on him like they did to me and even has all praises for him!! I am better educated then my DH and my family does not even or will ever need their help in their livelihood. That spolit single SIL also get along well with him too! They help him in whatever ways they can including apartment, car etc. Dun think they will ever think of him of \"cheating\" and \"ran\" away with their money like they imagine i will do so.

So its way much easy for a man that is \"married\" into a wealth family to survive happily there then a woman. I totally agreed on this. i had witnessed this in this family. and all is about women bitching woman. I came from a mild temper family , so that spelt disaster for me. Had i spent a longer time knowing this family, i would never had stepped into this family at all.

Friends say i can already wrote a drama script for TCS based on my true life story ..ha ha...theres so many things i can write on.........what we saw in drama .....its also happens in one's daily life...

[fifiyeo]

ningning:

just888:

It seems like problem is always encounter with woman married into a wealth family. Wondering if there is in-law problem when of guy married a rich man's daughter?

i can answer this, my the other SIL's hubby has little education, but my PILs gave him money to set a medium size business, this business also include his extended family as well!!! PILs tot that we din know that the money was from them, is not i look down on him but we all understood that his family was a more blue collar family and the sum involved to set the business is huge. Every worker in their business all knew this \"secret\". But PILs tried very hard to make it seem like their daughter has married someone wealthy. My PILS doesnt look down on him like they did to me and even has all praises for him!! I am better educated then my DH and my family does not even or will ever need their help in their livelihood. That spolit single SIL also get along well with him too! They help him in whatever ways they can including apartment, car etc. Dun think they will ever think of him of \"cheating\" and \"ran\" away with their money like they imagine i will do so.

So its way much easy for a man that is \"married\" into a wealth family to survive happily there then a woman. I totally agreed on this. i had witnessed this in this family. and all is about women bitching woman. I came from a mild temper family , so that spelt disaster for me. Had i spent a longer time knowing this family, i would never had stepped into this family at all.

Friends say i can already wrote a drama script for TCS based on my true life story ..ha ha...theres so many things i can write on.........what we saw in drama .....its also happens in one's daily life...

Hi Ningning,

Oh looks like we are in the same shoes in many ways. It's always so frustrating isn't it? Sometimes it's hard for others to really understand.

There have been times in my case when doors slams, glass sliding doors also could almost have fallen off and broken, handphones flying and broken, clothes also got a bit torn from all the pushing pulling when near fights almost broke out. Sigh.....

I came from a not wealthy but very comfortable family background and had a fairly handsome dowry of jewelry when I wed. My family didn't accept any dowry from my ILs. I was getting married not \"sold\" over (sutterly this message was being sent over to my ILs since my family have always found ILs to be \"bossy\" and mom didn't want me to be bullied like the way she was). In order to protect the future to-be SIL from being looked down by relatives, PILs didn't allow the GPILs from showing off my dowry to relatives.

MIL preferred the then future to-be SIL because she was from a poor family and she was always carrying MIL (that was before she got married). Many a times, when we had problems (obviously started by that future SIL) I was reprimanded but not her because they felt that she was poor and would feel inferior. So cannot say a single word! Crazy right?! I however was brought up with \"better life\" and therefore would not feel so hurt!!!! Don't know where is the logic. :mad: :mad:

ILs treated her like queen, took her for long vacations ('cos she's never been on a plane), financed her education and gave her $$$ to set up business too just like your BIL and now she is dolled up with BIG brands and spending big $$$. Sick right?! They think that she will be more grateful towards their charity 'cos she is \"poor people\". She can even answer my ILs and they just keep quite. It's so obvious that she's after their money and they claim that I'm the one. Seriously, I won't be needing their $$$!!

So seeing this after all these years, when I'm asked to do something these days that I really don't wish to....I just tell them off too instead of giving in. So now ILs also keep quiet most of the time because they know I'm really pissed and our relationship is really hanging on a super thin thread. This is because even with all the hatred and unhappiness at home, ILs want to portray a happy family for outsiders to see, so it's wayang wayang all the time. What I hate most is people think they treat us (DH, DC and myself) damn well but in actual fact, what they see is the material side but the mental torture is HUGE!

Often PILs make up stories about me. Accusing me of things I've never done and MIL have even deliberately sabotaged me as well as her own son my DH. DH is well aware of her doings. This has also resulted in us having bad relationships with the other siblings because of PILs' bad-mouthing.

It's very sad that things have gone so wrong. Sometimes I looked, why must they treat us like that. Before when I tried to pleased them, MIL would often raised her voice and talked to me rudely, worse than her maids. Now that things have gone so sour, they put the blame on us.

[DesertWind]

Sometimes I think some of those ILs are just sick. ILs (in whatever form daughter-in-laws especially) are "outsiders" forced to become relatives by marriage. It is not natural. So no matter what the original family may feel very threatened and not tolerant. Even worst when MILs or SILs are very free, or watch too much TV, or not married, relationships with own children/brother not great. Some SILs are jealous of their own brother marrying. Whatever the reasons, it is just so sickening…

[ningning]

fifiyeo:

ningning:

[quote=\"just888\"]It seems like problem is always encounter with woman married into a wealth family. Wondering if there is in-law problem when of guy married a rich man's daughter?

Hi Ningning,

Oh looks like we are in the same shoes in many ways. It's always so frustrating isn't it? Sometimes it's hard for others to really understand.

There have been times in my case when doors slams, glass sliding doors also could almost have fallen off and broken, handphones flying and broken, clothes also got a bit torn from all the pushing pulling when near fights almost broke out. Sigh.....

I came from a not wealthy but very comfortable family background and had a fairly handsome dowry of jewelry when I wed. My family didn't accept any dowry from my ILs. I was getting married not \"sold\" over (sutterly this message was being sent over to my ILs since my family have always found ILs to be \"bossy\" and mom didn't want me to be bullied like the way she was). In order to protect the future to-be SIL from being looked down by relatives, PILs didn't allow the GPILs from showing off my dowry to relatives.

MIL preferred the then future to-be SIL because she was from a poor family and she was always carrying MIL (that was before she got married). Many a times, when we had problems (obviously started by that future SIL) I was reprimanded but not her because they felt that she was poor and would feel inferior. So cannot say a single word! Crazy right?! I however was brought up with \"better life\" and therefore would not feel so hurt!!!! Don't know where is the logic. :mad: :mad:

ILs treated her like queen, took her for long vacations ('cos she's never been on a plane), financed her education and gave her $$$ to set up business too just like your BIL and now she is dolled up with BIG brands and spending big $$$. Sick right?! They think that she will be more grateful towards their charity 'cos she is \"poor people\". She can even answer my ILs and they just keep quite. It's so obvious that she's after their money and they claim that I'm the one. Seriously, I won't be needing their $$$!!

So seeing this after all these years, when I'm asked to do something these days that I really don't wish to....I just tell them off too instead of giving in. So now ILs also keep quiet most of the time because they know I'm really pissed and our relationship is really hanging on a super thin thread. This is because even with all the hatred and unhappiness at home, ILs want to portray a happy family for outsiders to see, so it's wayang wayang all the time. What I hate most is people think they treat us (DH, DC and myself) damn well but in actual fact, what they see is the material side but the mental torture is HUGE!

Often PILs make up stories about me. Accusing me of things I've never done and MIL have even deliberately sabotaged me as well as her own son my DH. DH is well aware of her doings. This has also resulted in us having bad relationships with the other siblings because of PILs' bad-mouthing.

It's very sad that things have gone so wrong. Sometimes I looked, why must they treat us like that. Before when I tried to pleased them, MIL would often raised her voice and talked to me rudely, worse than her maids. Now that things have gone so sour, they put the blame on us.

[/quote]
dear fifiyeo,

fifiyeo, yes i read and agreed that we must have been in the same shoes, our PILs are the same. Yes, mine also same, pushing, yelling , smashing of vase etc, once even a cane was brought out by my MIL when my dh broke up a quarrel with her \"sweet angel\" over a missing payment from client. Her angel has lost the cheque somehow but of coz she will tell her mum that we \"eat\" it up. Actually, her \"we\" meant \"me\". Her \"sweet angel\" always has readily full mouth of cursing on us. Usually sil would stand side by side with MIL in situation like this,gesturing at us .........SIL will starts to go into a mad state of mind, all kinds of \"words\" will start to bomb our ears. Like you, I am expected to behave like a \"mute\", cant talk back nor even tried to explain in any kind of situation, coz nobody will give a shit on it. So i am the \"evil\".

Same like yours too, mil also badmouth me and smear me to their relatives. Thats explaint why She always block them out from talking to me in gatherings , if not she will stand close to us and listen to every word we spoke carefully. She is worried that their relative wll happen to question me on things she accused me of... ..one of mil sister even see me as an enemy.crazy right?

I believed they used like in my case BIL to spite me by treating him like a prince. Yours would be your SIL. They hate us, so their logic is based on whether they like u or hate u. No matter how well we treat them or respect them, they just becomes \"blind\" to it. Whatever sensible things i do, in their eyes are garbage. Love has no logic, so do hatred. I wonder do they know i am a human or have long forgotten this. even i lied low also kana smear by my evil SIL. I have good upbringing, i always address PILs before taking dinner at table, but since all these evil things happen, i seldom do that anymore, also i observe that BIL nvr once address them before dinner. But as expected, they said i rude for not addressing them before taking dinner.........that BIL that has benefited so much from them, his brother, his sister and his parents think the whole pack now all directors in that \"business\", he can be excused for not doing so. LOGIC where got logic?

When SIL baby full month celebration, their office clerk called every suppliersr they could think of, asking for gift.She has a whole load of baby gift. Think she at least a year dun need buy baby pampers. Whereas mine baby full month, they remain complete slient. I held a mini and simple party mainly just between close relatives, our close friends and a few good suppliers that my DH are closed with. Gifts? why need to ask for around for gifts when we have the ability to buy them.

Since they disregard whether we are hurt or not, we must be strong in their presence. Sometimes these PILS and SILS purposely do things or say things to make us feel hurt. They must be happy to see us unhappy over their doings. Very Sick of them. Sometimes, i see them dress up and doll so nice to attend dinners, functions and behaved so saint in front of others , i want to puke coz when once doors are closed, alamak they behaved so opposite, so crazy, treating their DIL like dirt.

I sometimes late into night alone, i will feel sad for my DH, why his parents are like that? But i used to cry silently before , nowadays i dun anymore. Now i have cut off with them, they cant hurt me anymore. Be strong and love myself enough is my mother encouragement for me. My FIL always say\"we are a family\" why things are so bad , FLYkite, where got One Family thing, when including him , always hurt me and my dh and he dun even take a look at my gal when we were there . But i witnessed several times he laughed heartedly at his two grandson borned by his daughter. Sick.

Say \"no\" when i dun like, Dun \"meet\" when i dun want to, Dun \"talk\" to anyone that always badmouthed and twisted my words and smear me.

[auntieM]

jia you ningning and fifiyeo… …

[janet88]

It's so frustrating when the hubby's family is a pain...the men don't behave like how men should (know what i mean right) and the women :nunchuk: (like SILs) are so damn free to bitch...reason is simple, either have no kids, or else kids are grown up, also have maids so these women are very free...main reason is because these women are basically trouble makers. I have better things to do if I am free...stay arms length from these trouble makers and be happy.