The Big Caning Poll
-
I know that if I ever cane my child, I'll kena caned by my dh who absolutely dotes on his son
Wonder if any parents here have problems disciplining their child because their spouse does the opposite thing?
Eg My older sister is very strict with her children whereas her dh is a softie. On her son's 9th birthday, her gift to him was $20. He can learn to save it or buy a gift for himself. She wanted to teach him about thrift. Her son said he wanted a handphone, so she said that he would have to slowly save up for it.
So he went to manja to his father. The next my sis knew, the boy had an i-phone! She very :x -
I worked this out with my spouse before my kiddo even open his eyes to the world.
1) When 1 is doing the discipline, no interfere from the other
2) There should be 1 black face and 1 white face. But both must switch role constantly.
It works. Although I must say kids are damn smart nowsaday too! They know exactly who to go for what they need… -
csc:
I fully agree with you.Spanking and COMMUNICATION need to go hand in hand for effective discipline to take place.
Rich communication prohibits cold, tyrannical discipline and provides an opportunity for the child to be known and learn to know himself.
The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts.
It is learning how to draw out the thought of others.
The objective of communication is to understand your child.
Parents need to help our children articulate their thoughts and feelings.
That, I believe, is the toughest part of discipline.
Spanking that is initiated by frustration or venting of own anger will not have any long term positive effect or purpose.
Spankings must be issue-oriented and not for general purposes.
Use the correct tool and at the correct place. Never use your hand.
Use tool only for acts and attitudes of rebellion against authority and never as a threat before the offence is committed.
After spanking, tell him how much you love him and it grieves you to spank him.
Consider the frequency of the offense, context of the moment, age of child and the child's over-all characterisation of behaviour before administrating the discipline.
A child’s behaviour reflects his heart. If you want to help your child, you must be concerned with the attitude of heart that drive his behaviour. We can change behaviour without changing the heart. Therefore discipline must address attitudes of the heart. We , as parents, need to learn how to engage our children. I am still in the process of learning.
Our girls understand it too..
They are disciplined if breaking the 4 Ds -
Disobedience, Disrespect, Dishonesty and Destructiveness
and not for childish mistakes and accidents.. -
sashimi and i are on the same side, whether it's disciplining DD or facing our parents.
So DD can't run to the other for \"second opinion\" but she knows that we are only angry with her behaviour so once she gets it out of her system, and apologises, we hug her and \"lived happily ever after\"...until the next fracas, that is.
If only we could say the same of our parents.... :roll: -
schellen:
sashimi and i are on the same side, whether it's disciplining DD or facing our parents.
So DD can't run to the other for \"second opinion\"...
Yeah, its good when couples are on the same telepathic frequency..
:hugs: You two are blessed to have each other and DD sure benefits
from your parenting style.
Ya, the 2nd opinion running always ends up like we as the parents didn
make the right decision with our child or too strict or too everthing... -
Sigh.. will never win against extremely doting grandparents especially.
My mumsie's favourite phrase -
\"with children cannot, with grandchildren can\"... :roll: -
buds:
My mom says the same thing and she adds: Its your responsibility to teach them and mine to love them. I did my part in raising you, didn't I?
My mumsie's favourite phrase -
\"with children cannot, with grandchildren can\"... :roll:
-
//Moderator's note: Topics merged.
We should only use the cane for cases that warrant the use of it. It must also be used sparingly, otherwise the kid will get too used to ( immune) enduring the pain inflicted like a hero. If it is done sparingly, the kid will hopefully always dread the thought of being caned and so it acts as a deterrence.
Allow me to share some thought about caning as I recalled those times when my two girls got caned when they were young.
1. In my experience and in sharing with like-minded friends, a good caning must really inflict pain that is more than he or she can bear. ( some parents might brand me a child abuser) Why? Bcos caning lightly will not make the child fears pain. He will likely pretend that it is really painful and cries crocodile tears.
2. For not very serious offences, caning on the palm is adequate. But for very serious ones, caning should be targeted at the buttocks n the pain inflicted must be more painful since the buttocks can absorb the force better. The purpose of caning these two areas only is that others will not see the cane marks which would otherwise causes the child to feel embarassed in public.
Practically all defiant kids will not give in until they are punished. They are actually testing and finding out where the boundary line is and how far they can challenge our authority before the red light starts to blink.
When we issue out any warning to punish, we need to be consistent. Many a parent always gives warning after warning but nothing happens when the kid continues to disobey. When we give a warning or the most a second chance, we must make sure we carry it out if the kid persists. After a few times when such incidents happened, the kid will learn for sure that dad or mum always means business and he will gradually stop the bad habits.
But the most important point to remember is this: we must earn the authority to discipline our kid when we have shown him or her that we truly love him or her. -
I have to say that I agree with you David... No one is above the law, as such, we must be able to bring up our kids to respect authority. Michael Fay comes to mind, if his parents had inculcated that in him, he would not have needed the authorities (in his case the Singapore authorities) to \"bring him back into line\".
I would also rather I \"teach\" my own sons now, where I can control the extent of the punishment than to wait till they are out of line and unteachable and they land themselves in a situation where I have no hand/control over their punishments.
Having said that... No parents would wish to inflict pain onto their child... So there must be a good enough reason before I execute my punishment. For me I only execute punishments if my son is outright defiant towards what we tell him.
A typical example would be he wants something or certain things done his way... If his requests are reasonable, in 100% of the time he would get it... It is in situations when his requests are unreasonable or inappropriate at that point in time and we have patiently explained to him why he cannot have his way... He would refuse to listen and after a few rounds of trying to explain to him that he cannot get his way... He starts to go into his tantrums... Starts raising his voice and wailing
... This is the point where to me he is treading close to the line... My warning goes out for him to stop his behaviour or else I would have to go for the cane... Once... Twice... Thrice... Still wailing and insisting on his way... This is the point where the cane comes out. Once the cane comes out... It also means that he will not get away without being caned on his buttocks.
The norm is two strokes of the cane and then he will relent. Once he has gotten his \"senses\" back... I then ask him if he knew why he was punished... Most times he will nod his head. There were once or twice where he acted blur and shook his head... If so, I will then point out to him what were the behaviours that were not acceptable.
I will make him apologise as an indication that he has accepted that he was at fault and thus deserved the punishment. We then end with a hug and a kiss for him on his cheeks.
So far, this method has worked for me with DS1 ... Praying that he will not need me to go beyond this
-
We already have a thread on this started by our very own tamarind,
david59. Mebbe you can simply add on to her existing thread. We try
not to form new threads for similar topics here in KiasuParents, so that
we can keep it clutter free as how this forum is best known for.
Thanks in advance.
*Chief, kindly merge threads.*
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1514&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 -
buds:
Thanks a lot. I am so glad to be able to hear the views of others being a newcomer to this great forum. :celebrate:We already have a thread on this started by our very own tamarind,
david59. Mebbe you can simply add on to her existing thread. We try
not to form new threads for similar topics here in KiasuParents, so that
we can keep it clutter free as how this forum is best known for.
Thanks in advance.
*Chief, kindly merge threads.*
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1514&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login