The Big Caning Poll

[buds]

schellen:

sashimi and i are on the same side, whether it's disciplining DD or facing our parents. So DD can't run to the other for \"second opinion\"...

Yeah, its good when couples are on the same telepathic frequency..
:hugs: You two are blessed to have each other and DD sure benefits
from your parenting style.

Ya, the 2nd opinion running always ends up like we as the parents didn
make the right decision with our child or too strict or too everthing... -
Sigh.. will never win against extremely doting grandparents especially.

My mumsie's favourite phrase -
\"with children cannot, with grandchildren can\"... :roll:

[MLR]

buds:

My mumsie's favourite phrase -
\"with children cannot, with grandchildren can\"... :roll:

My mom says the same thing and she adds: Its your responsibility to teach them and mine to love them. I did my part in raising you, didn't I?

[david59]

//Moderator's note: Topics merged.


We should only use the cane for cases that warrant the use of it. It must also be used sparingly, otherwise the kid will get too used to ( immune) enduring the pain inflicted like a hero. If it is done sparingly, the kid will hopefully always dread the thought of being caned and so it acts as a deterrence.

Allow me to share some thought about caning as I recalled those times when my two girls got caned when they were young.

1. In my experience and in sharing with like-minded friends, a good caning must really inflict pain that is more than he or she can bear. ( some parents might brand me a child abuser) Why? Bcos caning lightly will not make the child fears pain. He will likely pretend that it is really painful and cries crocodile tears.
2. For not very serious offences, caning on the palm is adequate. But for very serious ones, caning should be targeted at the buttocks n the pain inflicted must be more painful since the buttocks can absorb the force better. The purpose of caning these two areas only is that others will not see the cane marks which would otherwise causes the child to feel embarassed in public.

Practically all defiant kids will not give in until they are punished. They are actually testing and finding out where the boundary line is and how far they can challenge our authority before the red light starts to blink.
When we issue out any warning to punish, we need to be consistent. Many a parent always gives warning after warning but nothing happens when the kid continues to disobey. When we give a warning or the most a second chance, we must make sure we carry it out if the kid persists. After a few times when such incidents happened, the kid will learn for sure that dad or mum always means business and he will gradually stop the bad habits.
But the most important point to remember is this: we must earn the authority to discipline our kid when we have shown him or her that we truly love him or her.

[ZacK]

I have to say that I agree with you David... No one is above the law, as such, we must be able to bring up our kids to respect authority. Michael Fay comes to mind, if his parents had inculcated that in him, he would not have needed the authorities (in his case the Singapore authorities) to \"bring him back into line\".


I would also rather I \"teach\" my own sons now, where I can control the extent of the punishment than to wait till they are out of line and unteachable and they land themselves in a situation where I have no hand/control over their punishments.

Having said that... No parents would wish to inflict pain onto their child... So there must be a good enough reason before I execute my punishment. For me I only execute punishments if my son is outright defiant towards what we tell him.

A typical example would be he wants something or certain things done his way... If his requests are reasonable, in 100% of the time he would get it... It is in situations when his requests are unreasonable or inappropriate at that point in time and we have patiently explained to him why he cannot have his way... He would refuse to listen and after a few rounds of trying to explain to him that he cannot get his way... He starts to go into his tantrums... Starts raising his voice and wailing ... This is the point where to me he is treading close to the line... My warning goes out for him to stop his behaviour or else I would have to go for the cane... Once... Twice... Thrice... Still wailing and insisting on his way... This is the point where the cane comes out. Once the cane comes out... It also means that he will not get away without being caned on his buttocks.

The norm is two strokes of the cane and then he will relent. Once he has gotten his \"senses\" back... I then ask him if he knew why he was punished... Most times he will nod his head. There were once or twice where he acted blur and shook his head... If so, I will then point out to him what were the behaviours that were not acceptable.

I will make him apologise as an indication that he has accepted that he was at fault and thus deserved the punishment. We then end with a hug and a kiss for him on his cheeks.

So far, this method has worked for me with DS1 ... Praying that he will not need me to go beyond this

[buds]

We already have a thread on this started by our very own tamarind,

david59. Mebbe you can simply add on to her existing thread. We try
not to form new threads for similar topics here in KiasuParents, so that
we can keep it clutter free as how this forum is best known for.

Thanks in advance.

*Chief, kindly merge threads.*

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1514&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

[david59]

buds:

We already have a thread on this started by our very own tamarind,

david59. Mebbe you can simply add on to her existing thread. We try
not to form new threads for similar topics here in KiasuParents, so that
we can keep it clutter free as how this forum is best known for.

Thanks in advance.

*Chief, kindly merge threads.*

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1514&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Thanks a lot. I am so glad to be able to hear the views of others being a newcomer to this great forum. :celebrate:

[ZacK]

ZacK:

1. I do cane my son when the he is rebellious or acts against the any specific instructions given to him but never for mistakes or accidents that he had not intended to happen. Even if it meant accidentally breaking an expensive glassware.


2. So far I have never caned him in front of others even when we are home with mummy and grandma present. He will be pulled into his room where his cane is hanging there :evil: There is usually a stroke or two at his upper thigh / lower bum area... When we are in public area, he will be pulled to a pte area (eg public handicap toilet) out of sight of others when he is out of line and he gets a tight spanking on his palm, never on the face.

3. In all instances, he will cry and then apologise. This is followed by a hug and telling him that I still love him but he should be more obedient and be a good boy.

4. Being the imperfect parent that I am, I of cos have made the cardinal sin of threatening to cane if he does not go about doing the things we wanted him to do And of cos there were moments where he'll test my patience to the brink where I felt like giving him a tight slap across his face at that very moment... Thankfully for him, in all of those situations, I managed to retain my sanity and composure not to have inflicted pain onto him whilst I myself am still not in the right frame of mind to do so.

Wow age must be catching up on me... I actually forgot that I posted this almost a yr ago :oops:

[buds]

ZacK:

Wow age must be catching up on me... I actually forgot that I posted this almost a yr ago :oops:

It sure is, ZacK..
For me too.. Esp
since another unit
is gonna be added
to mine pretty soon..

[tamarind]

I started this thread in December last year.


I was heart broken when I read this news :

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_446839.html
58 bruises on child's body
TODDLER Natalie Nikie Alisyia Sallehan had 58 bruises and abrasions on her head, body and limbs, a forensic pathologist told the High Court on Monday, the fifth day of her father's murder trial.

But what caused her death was a tear in a major vein that let 40ml of blood collect inside the heart sac and prevent the heart from pumping.

The 0.5-cm-long rupture found on the blood vessel was a 'life-threatening event', the pathologist who conducted the autopsy, Dr Teo Eng Swee, told the court on Monday.

The two-year-old's father, Sallehan Allaudin, 27, is accused of causing her death by kicking and stamping on her.

Also taking the stand was the paediatrician who saw Nikie in the emergency room, Dr Kao Pao Tang. Dr Kao, who had been given the autopsy finding, said that such ruptures are usually seen in cases of a fall from a height or 'high-energy, high-velocity accidents'.

Nikie was assaulted on Jan 6 at her home in Boon Lay.



While the majority of parents say that they must discipline their kids using physical force, how do you ensure that you can control your anger and not cause severe harm to your child ?

I am a firm believer that it is not necessary to cane or beat the child in order to discipline him. There are other forms of discipline which are much more effective than caning or beating. Parents just need to think harder.

Is it morally correct to hurt another human being who is so young and weak and unable to retaliate ? Even though we give birth to our kids, it does not mean that we own them and that we can do anything to them.

No offence to other parents in this forum who cane their kids. It is just that the news about the toddler's death really makes me very sad.

[cnimed]

Is it morally correct to hurt another human being who is so young and weak and unable to retaliate ? Even though we give birth to our kids, it does not mean that we own them and that we can do anything to them.


Well-said Tamarind. And if a parent can't control his/her temper, caning often crosses the line of \"punishment\" to bullying.